Breakfast Gravy: “Let me tell you about this woman I met the other day.”

Let me tell you about this woman I met the other day.  


It was about 6:30 in the morning and I was starving to death, so I went to the local Cracker Barrel for some breakfast before my day got started.  


I sat down and this cute little girl comes over to the table and asks would I like a cup of coffee.  


Being the witty individual that I am, I answered “Does the Pope wear a funny hat?”  


She looked at me and said “Pope who?”  


I just looked at her and said “Never mind, I was just trying to be funny.  Yes, I would love a cup.”  She went and fetched a cup and the pot and came back to the table.  


As she was pouring, I looked at her apron and noticed her name.  It was Lu Mina.  “You sure have a pretty name” I said “Is it Russian?”  She looked at me like she was trying to figure if I was serious or just being a smart-ass.  


She finally answered by saying “No, it’s a Chevrolet name, my Daddy was a car nut and he named me after the Lumina and my brother Monte and his middle name is Carlo.”  


“Let me guess” I said “He was a big fan of old #3, right?”


  She finally smiled and said, “You got that right, when Dale died, him and Momma both squalled for days.  He still says that there will never be another one like him, but he will admit that Jr. is close.  Plus, I think he’s about the cutest thing ever.”  


I went ahead and ordered breakfast and she went on about her job.  She brought out my food and it was awful good.  


After breakfast, I settled back and enjoyed my coffee while Lu brought me my check.  


She didn’t look real happy, so I asked her what was wrong.  


She said, “Did you see that other table I had over there?” I said that I had.  She said “Well, that old fart told me that his eggs were too runny and that he had ordered them over easy and not raw and that his bacon was over cooked and it was to hard to eat.”  


“Now he had already eaten all of his bacon but one piece and one of his eggs.  But, I was trying to make him happy, so I went back to the kitchen and got him two more eggs and another order of bacon.  When I took them back to his table, he told me that the biscuits were too cold and would I get him some hot biscuits.  So I went and got hot biscuits.  I asked if everything was OK now and he said it was.”  


“He had eleven refills on his coffee and asked for four more biscuits.  He waited till he thought I wasn’t looking and wrapped them in a napkin and slipped them in his wife’s pocket book along with all the jelly and butter.  He then got up and left me a 60 cent tip.  I hope he chokes on one of them damn biscuits!”  


I told her that I hoped her day got better and as I stood up I left her a good tip.  Folks, tip the wait staff, these good people work hard jobs for not enough money.  Tip well!


See you next week.

Wally Witkowski

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