I don’t know any other way to say this, but my best friend is an alcoholic and pill popper. I used to think it was recreational and no harm but recently he lost his family and children, his job and a lot of my respect. How do you get help for someone that doesn’t seem that receptive to it although they know what they have done has screwed up their life?
This has been a problem since the beginning of mankind and as we’ve evolved so have our ways of dealing with things and partying hard. First, it’s going to take tough love. Don’t put yourself at physical risk, but you need to confront him or her about the problem and get them to admit it. Rehab and all that stuff is crap. What needs to be discovered through therapy and simple one on one talking with a close friend is the root of the drinking and drugging. There is an underlying reason why they do what they do – anything from heartache, family problems. Rehab tries to break you of the habit. What your friend needs to uncover in their subconscious is what is causing their detrimental behavior. Anything else is only a patch on a gaping hole. Once you find that out and they get it out in the open, no matter how uncomfortable they feel about it, that is the only way to start the healing, get their life on track and become the best person they can be.
I was moving the other week and asked a number of friends to help me move out of my place. Basically I only needed help moving a number of boxes into storage. I had hired a movers to get the big stuff. I offered compensation, told them what weekend it would be and everyone agreed. Come moving day, no one showed up. Not only that, they didn’t return any calls or text messages. I literally got stuck holding the bag. What’s up with that?
They’re not your friends. They’re deadbeat pieces of sh–, that know your number when they want a good time, want to borrow money or get a favor. The fact you offered to compensate them blows my mind. If they can’t help you out on the weekend – unless they are working, who the hell needs them in your life? Be glad you didn’t pay them in advance and be more selective the next time their name pops up on your caller ID. If they owe you money, the money is due now – no ifs, ands, or buts. Screw them. No more favors, let them suck it up and do without your help for a change. Take the money you would have spent on them to help you to take yourself out to dinner or buy yourself a little something. Show yourself a little love and respect. Get new friends.
I have this friend who can’t seem to hold a job. I will occasionally throw him some side work when it comes available so he can have money to support his wife and kid. Whenever I do this, I will give him a timeline to get the job done. He never meets the deadline and will make a million excuses as to why he hasn’t either finished or gotten started. Also if I tell him to meet me at 5, he’s always late – up to an hour.
You’ve answered a question you didn’t ask. He can’t hold a job because he has no responsibility. Sure, he may have a wife and kid, but I guarantee you my tax dollars and yours are supporting them and not your friend. You need to tell him to get off his lazy ass and join the real world and hold a job – no matter what it pays. You have to start somewhere. Deadbeats like that make me sick especially when we have people in real need our tax dollars can help. He sounds like a lazy POS. Government help is there to be a hand up, not a hand out.
I am in a muddle. I love two men. One is my ex-boyfriend who wants to come back to me, the other is my current boyfriend. Both are lovely men, but feel more spiritually attached to my ex. I am unable to make a decision. Do you have any tips?
There is a reason your ex is your ex. Think about it. If he’s coming back to you now, what makes you think he won’t leave again once he finds something else that tickles his fancy? If you can’t heed this simple advice you get what you deserve.
Rocco is a common sense, tell-it-like-it-is, no-nonsense kind of guy offering real advice on any subject put before him. Why pay thousands of dollars on a high-priced therapist when he’ll straighten you out for free. If you’d like advice from Rocco e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.