Cheap In-Laws

Dear Rocco,
My new in-laws are very nice people. However, they are cheap. We have not received a wedding gift from one family member. I have talked about this with my husband. I want him to confront his family about it but we just end up arguing. Do you think he should talk to his family? Rocco, they didn’t even buy us a card! I feel as if they are not acknowledging or accepting our marriage. Help!
PB

Dear PB,
I honestly don’t care. Is all you care about presents and what other people can buy for you? Yeah, I know it’s traditional if going to a wedding to give some token gift, but it’s not mandatory. Maybe they’re not cheap, they want to make sure your relationship is going to last. If I could have the money I spent of wedding gifts for couples who have already broke up, I would be in another income tax bracket. There are things greater than worldly possessions and if you’re going to judge extended family by what gifts they bring you take a good look in the mirror because staring back at you is a shallow individual. It’s not like you’re a little kid at Christmas time and upset your aunt gave you socks and underwear instead of My Little Pony – or is it?

Dear Rocco,
What do you think of nose piercing?
SK

Dear SK,
I don’t.

Dear Rocco,
Being an independent woman and a business owner I’ve sort of become set in my ways. I have certain people I socialize with, certain events I go to and so on and so forth. After being single for some time (by choice) I started to date someone. We get a long well and enjoy our private time together. What has started to bother me is that he seems to have become very dependant on me to do things like, say a mother would. I’ve had to come home early from my business to help take care of him when he’s sick, walk his dog and so on and so forth. I’ve had to cancel my plans with friends who I was seeing maybe once a week to maybe once a month if that. I’m also expected to stop what I’m doing to take part in his hobbies and such. We never go out to eat and I’m stuck home cooking for both of us. That being said, I enjoy his company I just feel at times like I have another dependant at home (we have our own places and he works full time) if you know what I mean. Am I in a healthy relationship? Am I too self-centered? Am I over-thinking?
TV

Dear TV,
All relationships are give and take… on both sides. You are a very independent woman who is used to doing everything for herself with no help. That being said, being in a relationship is not the same as being single because there are two involved – at least socially at first and more down the line if things progress. That being said you may be dealing with a mama’s boy who’s used to getting his way and thinks his wants and desires come first and expects you to drop what you’re doing to cater to his needs – like his mama would do. There’s always going to be an adjustment period for both of you. There is a happy medium there and if he’s not willing to compromise he can hit the street. Companionship is great but you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your entire lifestyle or happiness to make sure he’s happy or pampered. That’s what moms are for.

Dear Rocco,
I have a 40-year-old daughter who is a single mother with her own 4-year-old daughter. My daughter is contemplating moving in with her boyfriend. I am not in favor of this. I see many problems ahead. Please give me your opinion.
KR

Dear KR,
Your question is kind of ambiguous. What objections do you have to your daughter’s boyfriend first of all? Traditionally I would agree with you, but in today’s society it’s anything goes. You’re actually in luck by the fact she is dating a male and not one of the other 57 so-called genders out there. There is a little concern since she has a young child. Under what circumstance was the child conceived? Previous marriage? Casual relationship? Unless there is some sort of stability in your daughter’s life, you’re granddaughter stands to be the biggest victim in the long run, especially if she goes from man to man. Do they have a solid relationship? Where do your concerns come from? If two people can be in a loving, mature relationship I don’t think there is anything to worry about, but if your daughter has a tradition of going from one relationship to another then I do.

Rocco is a common sense, tell-it-like-it-is, no-nonsense kind of guy offering real advice on any subject put before him. Why pay thousands of dollars on a high-priced therapist when he’ll straighten you out for free. If you’d like advice from Rocco e-mail him at goaskrocco@yahoo.com.