It’s All My Fault

I had every intention of quitting my part time job last month. This job is with a company that I have been employed with for over 21 years. You could even go so far as to say that job is part of my identity. As an added bonus, I shared that goal of quitting my job with other people. Accountability babe!

If you caught the past tense in the first sentence than you guessed correctly at the fact that I haven’t quit. YET! So you may be asking why did I not quit? The easy answer is, I sadly didn’t meet the goal I set out to achieve. Am I disappointed? A little. Do I view not achieving this goal as a failure? Absolutely not. If you don’t understand that answer find a copy of the April edition and read page 13. Needless to say that somewhere along the way, I was distracted–squirrel. Now if I am being honest, I chased lots of squirrels over the last few months (they were everywhere). Instead of focusing on the hard tasks that would get me closer to my goals, I turned at every detour there was. Darn squirrels.
Why would I chase a silly squirrel? First, let me make it clear that I am not out literally chasing squirrels. This girl doesn’t run unless her life depends on it. Second, I have made it to a place on my journey where if I want to grow I must do some hard work. However, I have little discipline when it comes to focus. I am easily distracted if something is not fun.

Now, I am not against working hard at all. I will be the hardest working person in the room. I can out work just about anyone. But, that isn’t the kind of hard work I am referring to. Physical work has no fear over me. Personal growth, on the other hand gets way too dirty, personal, hard, and can be very time consuming. And who has time for that?

I don’t view personal growth as just about reading a book, watching a motivational show, or listening to a inspirational podcast. There is so much more to personal growth. It is about getting deep inside your head. Allowing your mind to sort through all the information and thoughts you have fed it.

I don’t know about you but, quite frankly, my thoughts scare me. No fear peeps, nobody is going to get hurt. Except for my pride. Personal growth is finding out what your limiting beliefs are. Pointing out your own insecurities so that you can build up your confidence. Pulling out all those dirty secrets and thoughts so you can squash them into the lies that they are. Working on those not-so-fun skills that you need in order to grow. Accepting responsibility for your own actions and the status of your life at this very moment. While we are at it, let’s not forget denial or the blame game, because friend it is all you.




The sum of where you are right now, depends on how much time you are investing in yourself to change for the better. Hence my problem. This is not a quick fix kind of issue. Personal growth takes time, and lots of it.

I’ve always viewed “working” on myself as taking time away from prospecting my next big team member. For real y’all- I need to be scrolling Facebook, IG, Twitter, and every other social media channel out there to find my people. I was being a scroller and not a doer. Sound familiar? I was making myself look busy so I felt better about my busy schedule. As you can see all my scrolling didn’t get me to my next goal. However, I do believe I should receive an award for chasing the most squirrels.

So, with every great plan comes next steps. For me, it will look like some deep personal growth time. Taking some quiet time everyday to face the thoughts in my mind. I am talking about straight up silence. Which is going to be a challenge in itself as the kids are now out of school. But you learn the most about yourself when there is no noise or distractions around. There is something about a silent room. It is like all the sudden you can hear yourself think. Ideas start to pop in your head. Resolutions to problems can start to be laid out. Your creative juices start to flow.

It’s not a coincidence that most of our best ideas come while we are in the shower. Really, I am the only one?

Anyways, if you want to raise your personal growth up a few more notches, write all those ideas and thoughts down. No worries friend, I hear ya. There are some thoughts you don’t want anyone else to ever read or see. (everybody has that judgy person in their life) Don’t fret I have the perfect solution. After you write down all those thoughts, ideas, solutions, lies, disbeliefs — burn ‘em. Bonfire time! And don’t forget to bring the fixin’s for some S’mores.

Now go clear your mind so new information and ideas can be born.

The Climb by Miley Cyrus

– Michelle

Michelle is a mom, wife, pharmacy tech, and an oil enthusiast. In a search for a simpler life, Michelle, along with her husband Curtis, has recently added ‘entrepreneur’ to her resume. Haman’s Homestead was created with the desire to share a simpler approach to all things life has to offer. Follow Michelle’s oil journey in her blog at www.HamansHomestead.com. She can also be reached at hamanshomestead@gmail.com.