reviews

ADVICE

Have We Devolved?

Dear Rocco,

As a society we have grown immensely in knowledge and technology. We are ,much more sophisticated than our forefathers and so on. Therefore I ask you this question: why have we become so much more violent with each other than earlier generations?

Dear HB

We haven’t we are just better informed than our forefathers. Thanks to media outlets the violence that was shielded from most has been brought into every home with a tv or computer. Man has always been the most violent animal on this planet. This shit is nothing new. I think many have just chosen to ignore the fact.

Dear Rocco,

What is the difference between “hot” and beautiful?

Dear AB

I don’t know it depends on the person making the observation. It’s different for everyone. For me, hot is very attractive to the eyes but not necessarily all that great. I mean I know several hot women who are so annoying or stupid I don’t want to be around them. They make my fucking head hurt they’re so Goddamn bad. Beautiful is the total package; looks, personality and intelligence.

Dear Rocco,

My sister is one of the most beautiful girls I know. She turns heads every time we go out… until recently. Her newest boyfriend is against her wearing any makeup and in fact won’t let her leave the house with him if she is wearing any. He says he prefers the natural look. She seems to be lacking the self-confidence she had before but does what he says. Why would a guy try to impose his way on a girl like that?

Dear DG

He is a WEAK man. She needs to dump his ass and find someone who doesn’t try to run her life.

Dear Rocco,

I watched the Pro Bowl Sunday – or at least tried to. They played like they were playing flag football instead of tackle. Do you think the players would try harder if they didn’t make as much money and got bigger bonuses for making the Pro Bowl like they did back in the day?

Dear BG

Pride doesn’t factor into the NFL today and I don’t ever recall a decent Pro Bowl game. They are in Hawaii to party not play a game. The money is too good for them to risk injury and now that they play it the week before the Super Bowl some of the best players are not even playing in the game.

Rocco is a common sense, tell-it-like-it-is, no-nonsense kind of guy offering real advice on any subject put before him. Why pay thousands of dollars on a high-priced therapist when he’ll straighten you out for free. If you’d like advice from Rocco e-mail him at goaskrocco@yahoo.com or drop him a line at Ask Rocco c/o Enigma P.O. Box 825 Chattanooga, TN 37401.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pay Up Sucka

Dear Rocco,

I need a date for an upcoming special event. Any suggestions on how to get one without calling a hooker?

Dear GD

Are you really this desperate? For Christ’s sake just ask someone or several sooner or later someone will say yes.

Dear Rocco,

I was walking downtown with my boyfriend the other night when we were approached by a couple of guys from a local church “spreading the word of God”. They insisted we take a brochure they were handing out and asked us if we “knew where we were going”? They were hostile and almost confrontational in their tone. How do they expect anyone to listen to them spread the word of Jesus Christ when they basically talked down to us and others we saw them approach? No wonder religion has been getting a bad rap lately.

Dear HL

Jesus freaks do more harm than good especially the ones who graduated from the David Koresh School of religion.

Dear Rocco,

My boss, who has been bald as long as I’ve known him started wearing a hairpiece recently. It’s not even a good one, really. He goes around like nothing is different about his appearance, but there is. He looked fine the way he was, actually distinguished. Now he looks like someone in a bad sketch comedy show. Dare I break the news to him or let him go on about his business till someone else says something?

Dear WC

Yes tell him but do it in a nice caring way. Let him know how much more dignified he looked without the dead cat on his head.

Dear Rocco,

I’m tired of people owing me money. They claim to not have the money to pay me back and act all poor and stuff around me, yet I’ll see posts on their Facbook from trips they’ve gone on or brag about a new toy of some sort they just got. Sometimes when they see me coming they keep their head down and hope I don’t see them. I just want my money back, no b.s., nothing more. And if they are reading this by any strange way I hope they know not to ask me for another favor. What would you do in my situation?

Dear MM

Cut them off. If the have the balls to ask for more before they pay you back tell them not until you get what’s owed to you then do not give them any more…unless you just want to get rid of them for a while.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheers!

Dear Rocco,

My daughter is a bartender at a popular restaurant. She is also a college graduate. She prefers to tend bar and hangout with her friends than use her degree to advance. I asked her why she wasn’t pursing her degree interests and she says she makes more money in three nights than she would working all week. While that sounds great for a 25-year old, I don’t see any real future in her slinging drinks for a living. Do you?

Dear SB

No when the looks fade so do the tips. She needs to at least work in the field her degree is in and work part time in the bar.

Dear Rocco,

Football is pretty much over with the exception of the Super Bowl. What am I gonna do to keep myself occupied on Sundays without my favorite game?

Dear DS

Take up golf.

Dear Rocco,

I’ve been watching some of the primary debates and reading all the news stories and must say I am depressed. Is there someone running for president that is not an idiot? I am a life-long Republican and have yet to see a candidate that is worth a damn. They’re all lightweights with no real merit. And Lord, if we re-elect Obama I may have to move to another country. Any thoughts on the presidential race?

Dear RW

No I don’t think there is any hope in finding a decent candidate for President. We are SCREWED.

Dear Rocco,

Do you think that someone who evicts a church from their building will end up going to hell?

Dear TY

No. Show me in the Bible where it says thou shall not evict and I may think differently but I doubt it.

Dear Rocco,

I just found out my next door neighbor has an adult website. Late one night I was hearing strange noises outside and went to take a look. The noise was coming from my neighbor’s. I went over to see what the problem was since there was some screaming involved and saw my neighbor dressed up like Xena riding on the back of some guy with a mask on in front of a web cam. This kind of disturbed me a little and also intrigued me. Ever since when I see my neighbor I have a hard time keeping a straight face. I’m also a little concerned because we have children in the neighborhood. Any thoughts?

Dear BL

Yeah, where do you live? I’ll bring the beer you save me a seat. Sounds like you have some kinky cool neighbors. The neighborhood kids wont mind, the warrior princess was a big hit with kids. Sit back and enjoy the show. Remember, some people are paying to see that on their computers you get to see it for free and live.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hand Out

Dear Rocco,

I thought this great city of ours passed an ordinance to stop panhandling. Didn’t they even go as far as to set up “homeless parking meters” so money could be put in and donated to the needy? If so, why are there so many panhandlers roaming the streets downtown. You can’t go downtown after 5 and not get hit up by one of these people wanting, cash, something to eat or drink or a smoke. Are the laws only in service during daylight hours? And why isn’t anything being done to stop people who go out to dinner or for a drink from getting hassled and hustled for money and stuff?

Dear LD

The Bravo team for CPD does arrest several panhandlers but there are so many in this town that it’s impossible to get them all. If you want to get rid of them the public also need to do their part, STOP GIVING THEM MONEY!!!

Dear Rocco,

Why is it I have to get a prenup before I get married to protect my interests? What makes a woman or my girlfriend think she is deserving half of everything if I do all the work? I’m not the one who told her to stop working, but she seems to think she’s entitled to half or more of my stuff that I’ve busted my hump to earn while she sits on her ass and watches TV and chats with her friends. And if she works people then say I’m not a good provider.

Dear AB

In this day and age I don’t know many single income families. That train of thought is very old fashioned and outdated. I agree with you, I think it’s bullshit to give someone who doesn’t work half of what you earn.

Dear Rocco,

My mother knows that I am sleeping with my boyfriend. She has told us that we cannot have sex at our house. We can't go to his house either because his grandmother won't let a girl up into his bedroom. This leaves public places as the only choice, which my mother says is fine with her. I am however, worried about getting caught. I am aware that it is against the law, but this is the only chance we get. What would happen if we were caught by or reported to the police?

Dear HK

You would be arrested for indecent exposure. Go to a motel or move in together if you are of age. If you’re under 18 then stop having sex. You’re too young to be parents.

Dear Rocco,

I am in a happy relationship with a kind, supportive, positive and mature man. We are in our late 20's. We became engaged at Christmas. That meant we have only dated for 10-11 months before our engagement. Is it too soon? We are both very comfortable with the idea of marrying each other, but a friend said we should date for at least 2 years or we won't have enough time to really get to know each other. Neither of us have ever been in a serious relationship, so we really don't know if we're rushing into things.

Dear AC

Just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean you’re getting married next month. Take your time. Put the wedding off a few years until you both get to know each other. Too many people get married for fucked up reasons now a days because divorce isn’t as taboo as it used to be. If you’re going to do it then make sure it’s right.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All In the Family

Dear Rocco,

Why must my boyfriend insist on embarrassing me on every big holiday? On New Years Eve my usually well-behaved other half got rip-roaring drunk, tried to pick a fight with a bouncer twice his size and walk around the lobby of the hotel with his pants down to his ankles. Christmas was pretty much the same way except he flirted non-stop with my sister and tried to chest bump my dad while watching football highlights on ESPN. What is making an ordinarily normal man act like such an obnoxious clown?

Dear BR

Either your boyfriend is a complete dumbass or he just cannot handle alcohol.

Dear Rocco,

New Years Day did not seem the same without bowl games. I realize it was the last week of the NFL season, but January 1 to me has always meant the Sugar, Cotton, Rose and Orange Bowl. And now I have to wait another week to see who the national champs are going to be.

Dear DW

I agree with you. I can’t remember a New Year’s day without college football it’s un-American.

Dear Rocco,

How come it’s okay for rich people (the royal family and old families from the mountain) to marry each other’s cousins and stuff while poor people are called in-bred idiots and a disgrace?

Dear GD

Well the rich people own the newspapers and tv stations and other media outlets so you can’t say anything about their weird in-bred ass’s.

Dear Rocco,

I’m fixing to graduate high school. My parents told me if I got straight A’s this last semester they would buy me a car for graduation. If you were me, what kind of car would you get?

Dear RB

I don’t know anything about you from your question but with gas prices as high as they are I would suggest something that gets good gas mileage.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ganged Up On

Dear Rocco,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of two years. Things just weren’t working out and I think he was putting his work ahead of us. I decided to move on. It was difficult to do since we both did love each other – we said so on a regular basis, but I just wasn’t feeling the love. I went out the other night with some friends and ran into him and he already has a new girlfriend! It’s only been a week! They were all over each other in an obnoxious display of PDA. I freaked. I ran out the club crying. My friends tried to calm me down but I couldn’t stop sobbing. How could he forget about me so quickly and replace me? What’s wrong with me?

Dear MA

You’re just emotional. It’s time for you to move on. Go on some dates. Who knows maybe you will find someone who really connects with you and puts you ahead of his career?

Dear Rocco,

I am a member of one of the social groups so guys commonly refer to as a gang. I’m not telling you which one, but there are plenty of us. I laugh when I see the news how all you concerned citizens want to crack down on us and think we’re so evil. Well, no one else is looking out for us. Why should I care if you’re scared of me? You don’t care if I’m hungry and the only damn job you want to give me is working in a kitchen or using a hammer or saw Nobody’s gonna look out for me and mine except me. It’s time you wake up and smell the coffee, boss. I’m tired of being told to play nice and everything will be alright. What do you have to say about that?

Dear SK

I don’t give a shit. If you’re to much of a pussy to stand up for yourself and think another middle-school dropout knows what’s best for you and you’re happy then good for you. I hope you enjoy prison, funerals and man love because that’s all you’re ever going to have. I hate to hurt your feelings but I and several others are not scared of you. In fact, we don’t even think about you guys. If you guys want to shoot each other over the color of clothing you wear then have fun. It’s stupid but it’s not like any of you are valuable members of society anyway. God forbid you grow some real balls, get a job and take care of your family and contribute something to the world instead of declining property values.

Dear Rocco,

I joined one of those online dating services. On a daily basis they send me different profiles to check out of prospective dates. In the past week I have been sent profiles of two of my co-workers! I am so embarrassed! I didn’t want anyone to know I was searching online for a date. I don’t know if they’ve receive mine and I’m afraid of what they’ll think if they get sent my profile to check out. What should I do?

Dear GE

Jesus Christ as long as your profile doesn’t say you like sticking a feather duster in your ass and getting spanked with strips of bacon I don’t think you have anything to worry about. They are probably worried about what you think of their profiles.

Dear Rocco,

My baby’s mama is now a lesbian. Do you think I’m responsible for her jumping the fence?

Dear JL

No. I think people are born one way or the other. She probably just decided to finally live her life the way she was made. I don’t think no matter how bad you are in bed you could change her sexual preference.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What to Get the Guy Who Has Everything

Dear Rocco,

What’s wrong with me? I’ve jumped through hoops, I’ve cleaned myself, wear nice clothes, act property and so on and so forth and I can’t get a break. No girlfriend, no nothing. What does a guy have to do to get a girlfriend in this day and age?

Dear LC

Have money… Throw some money around get a good gold-digging whore and other women will think you have something to offer them and will expand your dating options.

Dear Rocco,

There’s this guy that I’ve become really good friends with over the past couple of months. We have ended up spending a lot of time together, going to lunch and hanging out and such. He’s pretty smart and well off. I’m not so well off. I would like to get him something for Christmas but I don’t know what to get the guy that has everything. What would be a nice affordable gift for someone that shows my appreciation for them but also doesn’t make me look like a cheapskate?

Dear FL

I don’t know, I don’t know the guy. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to get a sentimental gift. I think putting thought into a gift is better than a price tag.

Dear Rocco,

Why the hell are the Kardashians famous?

Dear KH

Hell if I know? I guess people enjoy watching spoiled rich whores get used by professional athletes.

Dear Rocco,

I have been living with Ned for almost five years. We have even been talking about buying a house together. Last night he came home and told me he has met someone new and will be moving out this weekend. He packed a few things. He said he will be back Saturday to pick up the rest. Should I be here? I am walking from room to room and I just don’t know what to do.

Dear HP

Move on. There is nothing to do but get on with your life. Find a new guy…One with a better name than Ned. This is a good thing for you. A new adventure.

Dear Rocco,

I recently moved out on my own for the first time. With it being Christmas I was wondering if Santa will still find me now that I’ve moved. I’ve always had gifts under my tree in the past. Just wondering my run of luck and a Merry Christmas are in jeopardy.

Dear GR

How old are you? Here is some advice for you to follow; first grow up, stop living your life in World of Warcraft find a girl and for the love of God GET LAID.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All I Want For Christmas...

Dear Rocco,

Why is it that the rich get richer and the poor are such good tippers. I run a cab and have made runs up both mountains and into some of the nicer townhomes in town and these rich jerks never heard of a tip! They’ll run a $20 cab fare and “tip” me two bucks, all while being condescending. Some of the older ones are okay, but the young rich punks they just take advantage of guys like me. What makes them think they are too good to tip a hard working person like myself and others?

Dear CB

They’re assholes who think their shit doesn’t stink. Karma will bite them in the ass sooner or later.

Dear Rocco,

I would like to get you something for Christmas. What would you like Santa to bring you?

Dear RW

Nothing. If I want something I go and buy it myself and at the moment nothing comes to mind but thanks for the offer.

Dear Rocco,

Everybody tells me to buy local. So I try to go along with it. When I go to the market or a local specialty store the local stuff costs twice as much as the non-local stuff I usually buy. What’s up with that?

Dear DT

The local venders cannot usually buy stock in bulk so their prices tend to be higher than big chain venders.

Dear Rocco,

Are people no longer original? It seems like someone will create something or start a business and then someone will try to duplicate it and go around badmouthing the competition. Everybody thinks their the best painter, or jeweler or best bar, best burger, etc. It’s like no one is original and instead of doing what they do the best that they can, they spend saying “me too” or “they suck because…” – you get the idea. Can anyone have anything without someone trying to rip-off their original idea or concept?

Dear HM

No people, for the most part, suck compared to those a generation or two before. The world is a different place and people aren’t the same caliber either. I think things have been too easy for us so we don’t have to think the way people did 50 or 100 years ago.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OEM or Aftermarket

Dear Rocco,

How do you get someone who is truly gifted to live up to their potential? One of my best friends is one of the most talented and smartest people I know – book smart and otherwise. He lets his current boss walk over him and has even endured fines and suspensions when his boss didn’t want to pay him. Others would like to have him work for them but they’re afraid he’ll run back to his former boss because of some unspoken loyalty. How can I make him realize his boss is a freaking jerk and he needs to move on to something different just for the sake of his sanity?

Dear DS

Jesus just smack him if he doesn’t get it after that then he is too fucking stupid to be successful.

Dear Rocco,

My brother is weird. He says he won’t date a girl that has had a boob job. I don’t think it matters and enjoy the view myself, but he says a woman should be happy with what God gave them and he sees no fun in dating a girl that looks like a cartoon character with her exaggerated features. What do you think?

Dear TC

I’m not a boob man but I wouldn’t let it stop me from dating someone I like. Different strokes for different folks.

Dear Rocco,

My boyfriend and I work all the time it seems. Our schedules now conflict with any mutual free time. We maybe get to see each other for two or three hours when we’re not asleep. I don’t know what to do. I love him, but these work patterns and habits make it hard to keep a relationship healthy. I wondering if it is time for the both of us to move on or stick it out even though we spend no time together anymore. Any suggestions?

Dear MS

I can’t answer that question for you. It sounds like you’re leaning towards moving on instead of sticking it out with him. Relationships are tough you have to take the bad with the good. Schedules can and do tend to change.

Dear Rocco,

My fat boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind the fact he’s gained 25 pounds since the begining of football season. If I were to gain five pounds he would tell me that my ass was getting big. Why does he think it’s okay for him to pork out? I like a guy who takes care of himself the way I take care of myself.

Dear JP

If his weight bothers you that much then get rid of him. He sounds like an ass anyway. No man with any sense would tell a woman her ass is getting big.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Dear Rocco,

How come when it rains hard, school gets called off early now and if there is a chance of any snowfall, schools close down as well. When I was a kid our principal said school would go on and the only way he would cancel it was if he couldn’t get out of his driveway. I’ve never seen so many snow and weather-related delays and cancellations in my life. What gives?

Dear BH

I don’t know it’s a new time. I never got those breaks either but when I was bad I didn’t get a timeout, I got an ass whipping. Like the old song says, “times they are a changing.”

Dear Rocco,

I love my wife but she has alienated me from my friends. She doesn’t like many of them and has run off a few. I’m not sure why she can’t get along with them, but I do love her dearly. What should I do before I have no friends left?

Dear JL

Grow some balls and stand up to her. I’m sure she has some friends that you can’t stand. In a marriage you have to take the good with the bad.

Dear Rocco,

I have finally met the most wonderful, loving, open man in the world. We met online and we spent many hours on the phone before we met. He is the one I have been praying for. He told me he wanted to wait to have sex so we could do it right. He is even talking marriage. But he just told me he has herpes! I was so grateful that he thought enough of me to tell me this before we were intimate. I started reading up on it and now I just feel so sick. The pictures look terrible! I am so confused about what to do. It seems like it is out there everywhere, and I am sure that there are people who know they have it but would not tell you first. What should I do? I love him but I am terrified!

Dear TM

I would look for another Mr. Right. You never know he may be the biggest ass in the world who is just bullshitting you. He may just be telling you everything you want to hear so you will marry him so he can have a steady piece of ass who won’t have him arrested for transmitting an STD.

Dear Rocco,

I've got a problem. Actually two of them. My new boyfriend’s dogs and I am allergic to the canines. I can't spend the night without suffering from allergies and it hurts his feelings. I don't want to let him go, but I don't know what to do about the dogs.

Dear CW

I have a friend who is allergic to cats and he takes allergy shots to stay with his girlfriend. You could try that if you want to stay with him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Changes

Dear Rocco,

My wife is beginning to go through “the change” aka menopause. Help! She has gone around turning the air conditioning on full blast even standing in front of the freezer with the door open to cool down. Her behavior has almost become bi-polar as her mood swings have kept me and the kids on edge. I encouraged her to go see our physician but she scorned that advice yelling at me if I thought she was sick. Help me deal with this hell we are all going through here.

Dear JV

Sorry man until she goes to the doctor and gets on meds there isn’t anything I can do for you.

Dear Rocco,

I met this guy I really like. We have hung out together for some time over the years and found out he was interested in me, but is too shy to make the first move. I made the first move and gave him my phone number and told him to call me if he ever gets bored or is looking for something to do. Two weeks later and he still hasn’t called. I saw him this past weekend and he eagerly came over to hang out with me and my friends. Afterward, still no phone call. Am I doing something wrong? Do I need to initiate everything?

Dear RP

Honey some guys are just stupid when it comes to women. If you really like him then by all means initiate everything. He will eventually come around unless he is a complete dumbass.

Dear Rocco,

My female BFF is going through marital difficulty. They have been having issues for quite sometime and they are now coming to a head. I am deeply attracted to her but she has kept our relationship on a strictly platonic level because she believes in the sacred bonds of marriage. She has told me she was attracted to me, but she was married and she wasn’t going to change her commitment to her husband. Now, word around town is he is cheating on her. Is this my chance to swoop in and get her? How should I let the situation pan out? Should I just wait my time out and let fate lead the way? Help!

Dear MW

Be her friend right now. Let her get half his shit then make your move. Do not get involved until after the divorce.

Dear Rocco,

Will I ever be able to live down my past. For the most part I am a good gal. I work full time, pay my taxes, don’t do drugs or take part in any illicit activity. When I was younger I admittedly did some wild stuff that a girl probably shouldn’t do, but I no longer do that. I’ll let you guess what that is. But people who knew me back in the day still talk about me like I’m some sort of disease carrying piece of crap. And some of it is for stuff that was purely hearsay to begin with. Can I do anything to change these peoples minds and get them to leave me alone and my past as well? What would you do?

Dear GD

You could ignore them and go on with your life or you can confront those who are bringing up your past and set the record straight. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn’t have a past.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do Looks Count?

Dear Rocco,

Who would you rather date and why – a really hot female that you might have to keep your eyes on or a ordinary looking girl that is true blue loyal?

Dear GW

Trust is a necessity in a successful relationship so I would rather date someone I trust than a hot girl who is nothing more than a common whore on the inside.

Dear Rocco,

I have an issue with respecting the people that I love the most. I seem to take out my frustrations on them, almost unconsciously. I don’t lash out at them, but more of just an arrogant, short, demeaning tone. This also includes mood changes toward them in certain circumstances and sometimes coming off defensive. I often believe that I do these things when I find myself uncomfortable in a situation. None the less, this isn’t a good characteristic to display, especially toward the ones you love the most. I’ve tried to pay attention to detail and notice when I’m doing it but for some reason I overlook it. Could you help me with some suggestions for things that I can do to resolve this.

Dear SA

We tend to take shit out on those we love because we know they will not hold our temper tantrums against us for too long. You are human and will keep doing this just make sure you talk to the ones you bitch at and explain your actions and everything will be fine.

Dear Rocco,

I am dating a guy that is treating me great. I’m a little concerned because he had a reputation of fooling around with other women in his other relationships. His friends tell me he’s been nothing but honest and good with me and very loyal. I, on the other hand have been thinking about contacting one of my ex-boyfriends because I’m a little bored and still don’t believe 100 percent that he will remain faithful. What do you think?

Dear DJ

I think you’re wanting me to tell you it’s ok to cheat on him. If you’re not happy then take a break and see other people. You’re not married so you’re not tied down.

Dear Rocco,

For the past couple of months my husband has not had any interest in sex with me. We try, but every time we get to that point, he goes down like he is no longer interested. It makes me feel like he is no longer interested or attracted to me. I want to know what I can do to help him out. He does seem to feel a bit ashamed of it happening, but instead of talking to me about it, he just grabs his pillow and heads off to the other room. We’ve been together for many years and nothing like this has ever happened before. I seriously doubt he is getting some on the side either because when he is not at work, he is here at home with me.

Dear BV

Sounds like he has E.D. Talk to him and try to get him to go to a doctor. Doctors can put him on meds that will make him wear you out like a prom date.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frankly my dear...

Dear Rocco,

I've been best friends with a guy almost a year now, and i feel like our friendship has gotten closer than ever. He is always on my mind and always has been for a whole year. I told him how much I liked him but how i didn't want that to effect our friendship if he didn't feel the same way, and it has not. Me and him use to go to school together but this year he had to switch schools, we don't see each other everyday but we hang out on some weekends so he told me he loves me but he doesn't our relationship to mean nothing sense were so young. Im still best friends with him and now he has a girlfriend. My friend says for me to stay friends with him for a year or two and see how things go because things would probably mean alot more then. I feel like either way in this situation im going to get hurt. What should i do?

Dear SM

Find a boyfriend of your own and remain friends with this guy. If it doesn’t work out with his girlfriend maybe you can give it a shot.

Dear Rocco,

I was bullied a lot in high school that now I'm emotionally scarred. I feel like everybody thinks badly about me and that anyone who is nice is only trying to be polite, even though I know this isn't always true. I don't talk to people because of this, so I don't ever really make new friends. I'm very outgoing and I'm not a shy type of person but I'm too nervous to even call for pizza. I have to order it online to avoid talking to people. I can't even bring myself to get a job because of this problem. I've had therapy, but my insurance no longer covers it. I'm on antidepressants, but this isn't related to depression. I would talk to my psychiatrist, but I doubt there's pills out there that would fix this. I can't live like this, but I have no idea how to fix it.

Dear JW

Get your head out of your ass, grow up and be a man. So you got picked on, put that shit behind you. Quit thinking there is a pill going to fix you. Find a hobby like working out, golf, hunting or fishing anything that will get you out in the world. Start living! Life is too short for this “feeling sorry for myself” shit. Start enjoying life before you miss it.

Dear Rocco,

Most of the time your answers to problems seem right on and straight forward. But recently a number of your responses make me question your ability to state a legitimate opinion. Just wondering what rock is it that you crawl under each week seeing you have no idea who Steve Jobs was or anything about Occupy Wall Street?

Dear AR

LOL okay I told the truth. I didn’t and still don’t give a shit about Steve Jobs. Jobs wasn’t a buddy of mine nor did he sign my paycheck so his death didn’t strike me too fucking hard. People I don’t know die every minute of every day. I don’t cry about someone dying. I don’t watch the news because most of the time the stories reported are only half truths or straight up bullshit to sell papers or get ratings. I have had first hand knowledge of events that where so fucked up when reported I didn’t realize they were the same event. Only a damn fool believes everything they read in the paper or watch on the news. If you don’t like my answers then fine, don’t read the fucking article. I don’t care. I don’t do this shit because I enjoy it. I do it to fill up a blank space for a friend. When someone else decides to write I’ll gladly move on.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Happy Halloween

Dear Rocco,

There seem to be a lot of new business start ups these days. What do you think we owe that to? Innovation and ideas or people that can’t work with others and have to start their own business because no one will hire them?

Dear WB

Probably the idea of people can’t work with others so have to start their own businesses to survive.

Dear Rocco,

There seems to be a lot of lucrative Halloween costume contests going on this week. What costume or who should I dress as in order to win?

Dear VH

If you’re not Hot and plan on dressing slutty you don’t have a chance so it doesn’t matter if you dress up as a genie or a fucking flat tire.

Dear Rocco,

Me and this guy have known each other for a long time now, he’s been with his girlfriend for 8 years and they recently broke up, but she is carrying his baby. While they dated they weren’t really happy together and had a lot of “problems” in there relationship. He fixed his problems, but she refuses to. He says he is done with her and will never go back to her and says he really cares for me, the only problem is they’ve been broken up maybe a week and he asks me to be his girlfriend. Do you think the baby’s birth will rekindle their love for each other, or do you think he’s finally through with her?

Dear KE

A kid on the way and an “ex” with “problems” too much baggage. Find another guy who hasn’t knocked up a psycho to be your boyfriend unless you want endless bullshit drama.

Dear Rocco,

For the past four months I’ve had the biggest crush I’ve ever had on one of my friends. A couple of months ago, I gathered up the courage I needed to tell him how I feel, but he replied that he only liked me as a friend. I’ve tried getting over it, but I just can’t, and it’s driving me crazy! I keep wishing, hoping and praying that he’ll ask me out, even though I know that he won’t. I’ve thought about asking him out, and even come close to actually doing it a few times, but I’m scared, since he knows that I know that he doesn’t feel the same way about me. But at the same time, something is telling me that I won’t be able to get this out of my system unless I give it a shot. But considering it took me four hours of staring at my phone, saving drafts of text messages and cancelling sent ones just to tell him that I like him, I don’t think I have the courage to ask him out, even just as friends. What should I do?

Dear PG

Dress up start working out. Make yourself Hot. Go on a few dates to make him jealous and if he doesn’t ask you out then find someone who will appreciate you and move on with your life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Occupy This

Dear Rocco,

What is your take on the occupy Wall Street protesters? Do you think there is a class warfare going on or do you think the protest is a bunch of unemployed slackers craving attention with nothing better to do?

Dear BC

I didn’t even know there was a protest on Wall Street and I really can’t even lie and say I care but odds are they’re unemployed slackers looking for attention.

Dear Rocco,

I don't know what to do about my boyfriend. When I first met him he was so loving and kind and we never argued... but in the last couple of months we have been arguing a lot..this is due to him having personal problems leading way back to his childhood to do with his father. Every time he gets in his moods he turns nasty and abuses everyone, including me for no reason, then we start arguing and he calls me names, etc... then he calls me and apologizes saying that he didn't mean to say those nasty things to me and that he loves me a lot and is scared he's going to lose me. Currently we're spending time apart and haven’t spoken for 10 days as everyone says he needs space and to think about what he's done to me. His mom says he's still very confused and unsure about himself but he still cares about me a lot and is missing me... He's told his mom that he's scared if he contacts me I will hang up or not answer the phone but when I call him to talk things over he either hangs up in my ear or doesn't answer the phone. It's very frustrating and hurting me inside. Any thoughts?

Dear DJ

I couldn’t even read your entire letter my bullshit tolerance is at an all time low. Piss on him! If he treats you like shit, then move on to someone who doesn’t have his head up his ass or have issues with daddy. He won’t change.

Dear Rocco,

I have been seeing a guy, for a while now. He is not my boyfriend but we spend a lot of time together. Problem is he refuses to kiss me. Don't get me wrong we have done everything else but kiss. We’re both in our mid 20s, and he says he doesn't kiss because he did it so much in high school that he got tired of it. How do people get tired of kissing? I'm desperate, we have had many arguments over the issue and I don't want to just go ahead and kiss him cause he obviously doesn't want to and I don't want to feel like I'm disrespecting him. I feel we are in the movie pretty women except he's the prostitute and I'm just the girl, since he won't kiss. What can I do? I mean is he just afraid of getting emotionally attached if he kisses me? Or could he be bisexual? I mean a guy at his age should be more mature about things. Well please help this is really bothering me.

Dear GP

Jesus Christ! Find someone who isn’t as fucked up as this bute. Put this one in therapy with DJ’s and let them work shit out while you live your life.

Dear Rocco,

Recently, I have noticed that I hopelessly fall in love. I can never tell when or if a girl likes me. This is really hard. Recently I found a girl who is very sweet to me. She tells me that I’m the sweetest guy she has ever met and that she loves me. She also has a boyfriend. She talks to him about me and things like that. I really do think I like her. What do you think I should do? Do girls really like sweet guys or am I hopeless?

Dear HV

Probably hopeless if you won’t take a chance with this chick. Boyfriends are a Hell of a lot easier to negotiate around than husbands so take a shot with her. See if she is full of shit or honest with you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

RIP Al Davis

Dear Rocco,

The past week has been kind of interesting with the death of two cultural icons, Steve Jobs of Apple and Al Davis of the Oakland Raiders. Whose legacy do you think will be greater?

Dear SW

Are you shitten me? AL Davis! I don’t give a damn about Apple or Steve Jobs but Mr. Davis was a LEGEND. I have seen President’s, war hero’s, heads of fortune 500 companies, actors and musicians and none made an impression on me like Mr. Davis did when I finally saw him in the flesh. I have been a part of the Raider Nation since the 70’s. As an infant my blanky was a Terrible Towel but thanks to those great games against the Steeler’s I was fascinated by; the Silver and Black, the Just Win Baby attitude and the Commitment to Excellence of the Raiders. The Raiders, NFL, the country, the world lost a Hell of a man when Mr. Davis lost his battle with time. In all honesty, I didn’t even know who the Hell Steve Jobs was nor did I care when I heard he had died. I’m sure Mr. Jobs was a good guy but he was no Al Davis.

Dear Rocco,

How do you tell someone you love they drink too much when they don’t listen to anything you say unless it’s something they want to hear? I was recently embarrassed by my spouse at a company dinner. I ended up sending him home. He kept texting me the rest of the night (I stayed at the event). He even left very nasty messages on my voicemail. The next day he was apologetic and did not remember what he did, yet he refuses to address his problem with alcohol. What should I do?

Dear BB

Tell him to get help before he becomes your ex. Tough love.

Dear Rocco,

I’m 26 years old and finally in a relationship I cherish and feel proud of. I want so much for it to thrive. My girlfriend is 30 and a delight, the whole package of sweetness and spice and intelligence with a dash of Thoreau-loving mixed in. We think well together and respect each other. Last month I moved 500 miles to be closer to her after a year of long-distance dating and monthly angst-filled goodbyes. I’m very much in love with her. The only problem: I sometimes feel she is cheating on me, weighing out my love unconsciously against her parents’ love to see which one is worth more. You see, they don’t know she is gay. Well, it would be more accurate to say that they don’t know she is in a relationship. This is only her second time dating. Her father asked her if she was gay several years ago because he and her mother suspected she was involved with the woman who is now her ex-girlfriend. She denied it. She says she didn’t feel ready to tell them the truth.

Dear JE

You sound paranoid. She knows her parents and if she isn’t comfortable telling them yet then don’t pressure her. If you start that bullshit of comparing the love of parents to a girlfriend then you will lose. Girlfriends come and go but family is for life. Never try the “it’s me or your family” shit. Be patient and if it’s meant to be then it will.

Dear Rocco,

Halloween is quickly approaching. What or who are you going to dress up as this year and what kind of candy can the kids that come to your door expect to get this year?

Dear GP

I’m 37 years old, not 7. I don’t dress up and I live in a great neighborhood where I don’t get bothered on Halloween and it falls on a work-day for me so I won’t be home. Two years ago I had three kids walk up my driveway and I gave them what I had but their family moved and I haven’t had a tricker-treater since.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are You Ready For Some Football?!

Dear Rocco,

I want your take on the Hank Williams Jr./ESPN fiasco. To be honest what did the network think they were getting into when they hired him to sing the theme to Monday Night Football with his well documented history of booze and drugs?

Dear HC

Hank isn’t the only person not impressed with Obama. I don’t see the big deal, people said shit about Bush who was a Hell of a lot better President than what we have now. The democrats have to face it, freedom of speech is a freedom for Republicans too. Fuck em.

Dear Rocco,

Let me be honest with you. I’m not a very attractive man. In fact, I am butt ugly. I’m approaching my 30th birthday soon and I am still a virgin. I’m a good guy, I hold down a descent job, have relatively high morals. Do you think I’ll ever get a girlfriend? Or am I destined to die a virgin?

Dear FE

The fact you’re asking me this isn’t in good favor. Go to a bar buy some drinks and get you a good bar whore to bang while you look for a wife like most of your friends did a decade ago.

Dear Rocco,

I am marrying my boyfriend of many years finally. As the big day approaches he brings to me a Pre-Nup to sign. He owns his own business and was advised to “protect himself” if something went wrong in our relationship. I don’t know what to say. I am shocked that he doesn’t trust me. I am truly hurt and am wondering now if I can trust him. Should I call the whole thing off? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Dear HS

Get it amended to say any infidelity on his part makes it null and void then you both are protected.

Dear Rocco,

I am approaching my 30th birthday. I am still a single lady even though I was Homecoming Queen and have even been doing some amateur modeling. My mom has been on me for years to settle down and get married. She says my tastes are too expensive and I should settle for a good man. I am used to getting my way from most guys I turn my attention to. Despite my ability to attract some really wealthy and successful men I started dating this guy who has a descent job – nothing great and he’ll never be famous. But he treats me well. I feel as if we are heading toward to altar. My mom I know is pushing for it. Should I settle or should I wait and see if I can find a real Prince Charming?

Dear RT

Maybe you should put yourself in his shoes. Should he marry a materialistic bitch who will always be looking for someone “better” or marry a nice sweet girl who loves him for his attributes?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Black Suits & Samples

Dear Rocco,

Instead of shrinking the federal government seems to grow and grow with all sorts of data being collected on us and how the government is branching off into health care and other fields that are supposed to be private. Are we living 1984 in 2011?

Dear GO

I’m not allowed to answer that according to the men in black suits standing over my shoulder as I write this article.

Dear Rocco,

Why are people so cheap? I know it’s a down economy, but I’m talking about the technology boom that has made tools of the trade affordable by the masses. Now any clown with a digital camera they bought at Best Buy considers themselves a professional photographer and has a computer thinks they are a recording engineer/producer and anyone with a blog thinks they are a journalist and cheapening the product that many of us have trained many hours and years to do with often cheap results.

Dear JS

At least those that bought the game Operation aren’t doing surgeries in their garages…However I do an excellent mammogram and have been told numerous times I’m an excellent gynecologist.

Dear Rocco,

I banged this girl the other day she is 25 years old and I'm 60. Years ago I tried to do it to her mother but never did. I'm not married nor am I seeing anybody so should I feel guilty? She has been back two other times and now she called the other day and wanted some money, I told her that I was strapped now I haven't heard from her in three weeks. Do you think she is some kind of a whore?

Dear MC

Yes and congrats, sounds like you’ve been getting free samples.

Dear Rocco,

How come when guys get older they are distinguished and when ladies like myself get a few years on us we’re just old? I think I look pretty good for my age.

Dear CT

I think that was the way it was in the past but this is the age of the Cougar. Women hit their sexual prime in their mid 30’s and with the popularity of health clubs the old lady stigma is not what it used to be. Be proud of being a mature sexy woman. Love the pics and any man would be proud to make a Cougar like you purr.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Touchy Feelie Situations

Dear Rocco,

My girlfriend’s best friend keeps rubbing on me whenever we run into each other or at an event with a group. I thought it was inadvertent at first, but I’m beginning to have questions. She knows I’m happy in my current situation and all that. Do you think I’m just imagining things or should I address it?

Dear BE

I wouldn’t worry or address it unless she is grabbing your cock. She may be just one of those touchy-feely types.

Dear Rocco,

I was watching the Falcons/Eagles game the other night on TV and saw all the division of Michael Vick lovers and haters. Do you think if Vick was a white man that they would have made such a stink over the dog fighting?

Dear MR

I believe Vick was made an example of because of his profession and he was/is a high profile and possible role model for children. What he did was wrong and deserved punishment but he did his time and wasn’t the only one backing dog fights. I would like to see more people prosecuted for the crime.

Dear Rocco,

I hear Billy Ray Cyrus is growing back his mullet to mark the 20th anniversary of his big song “Achy Breaky Heart”. Why?

Dear PT

Jesus…I have no idea and am still dumbfounded at the success of that annoying Goddamn song.

Dear Rocco,

If you were on death row, what would you like your last meal to be and why?

Dear DV

A blond woman topped with a brunette with a red head on the side and for dessert an Asian woman covered with a black lady. So I can go out with a smile on my face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reunited, Lushes and more

Dear Rocco,

I recently got reacquainted with an old flame of mine. He and I were together for a long time and then suddenly we drifted apart – far apart. We didn’t talk or correspond for over two years. By chance we ran into each other again. It was like we never were apart. I really like him a lot and I believe he feels the same way for me. There has never been an explanation of why we separated to begin with and I’m afraid to open an old wound if I ask. If you were in my shoes how would you proceed?

Dear LJ

Just go with it. Sometimes things happen for reasons we can’t explain so just enjoy it.

Dear Rocco,

Why do you think people tend to act crazier when there’s a full moon?

Dear WM

I don’t know but they do.

Dear Rocco,

My girlfriend is slowly becoming a lush. It was cute the first couple of times when she would catch a buzz and stumble slightly. But now she stops off at the liquor store at least once or twice a week and is checking the local papers for drink specials before we go out. Is she headed down a wrong path or do you think this is a phase she’s going through?

Dear FT

Both. It’s a phase that you need to address with her before she ends up hitting rock bottom. Drinking in moderation is perfectly fine but it sounds like she is letting it get a little out-of-control.

Dear Rocco,

Everyone seems to be fighting these days. Doesn’t seem to matter what race, religion, etc. What do you think is the reason everyone is becoming so violent these days?

Dear MK

No one is being held accountable for their behavior anymore. I mean if someone has a temper-tantrum now they are labeled bi-polar and put on medication instead of a good ol fashioned ass whipping or attitude adjustment. Kids who were not punished for bad behavior when younger are growing up without any concept of discipline and it’s fucking up society. I think the hippie democrats are to blame…as usual.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Secret Lives

Dear Rocco,

Who do you think is more likely leading a “secret life”? The guy who is adamant about how secure he is in his masculinity claiming to be happily married for years with children or the 50-year-old confirmed bachelor?

Dear MH

I don’t know there are several “happily married men” who are living secret lives. I think the single men have less secrets because they have no reason to lie or have secrets.

Dear Rocco,

My best friend is one of the most blunt, honest people I know. He doesn’t take crap from anyone and rarely holds back with his feelings. That is until he met this girl that he dated for a long time. They broke up amicably a remained friends even though she continued to screw him over and over again. He still picks her up if she needs a ride instead of her boyfriend, goes shopping with her and puts up with all her crap despite the fact they have limited contact now. Do you think all men have one woman in their lives that is their kryptonite (leaving them helpless)?

Dear CK

Yes, I have one but I’m not helpless. In my situation there is a lot of history between us, some good, some bad but mostly good and we get along great. Your friend will be alright as long as he doesn’t get confused on his role as friend instead of boyfriend.

Dear Rocco,

How come some people seem to get everything they want and guys like me bust their hump and never get anywhere?

Dear DC

Life isn’t fair.

Dear Rocco,

If they ever made a movie about you Rocco, who would you want to play you? And what kind of movie would it be?

Dear PG

I don’t think there is an actor who could play me the way I am. I’m too me for Hollywood. The liberal trash of Hollywood wouldn’t have me and I wouldn’t cater to their fucked up ideals.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emotions, The Meaning of "No" and More

Dear Rocco,

Why is it that the only two emotions men have is for food and sex?

Dear GB

Anger is another emotion we have. Sometimes less is better.

Dear Rocco,

How come some women can’t take no for an answer?

Dear AD

Because they are used to being the one’s saying no and do not know how to take it.

Dear Rocco,

My best friend and I had a falling out thanks to a he says she says incident and he took his girlfriend’s word over mine. She’s a useless piece of crap who cheats on him – and he knows it, drinks too much and has even been known to take recreational drugs. For some reason he has overlooked all this and now they are to be married. I’m not invited and wouldn’t go if asked. But he is making a big mistake with this woman and I hate to see him go down in flames. Should I let him take the fall, or step in unwelcome?

Dear EG

If the guy is going to do it then there is nothing you can say to stop him. He will get his head out of his ass sooner or later and get a divorce in the not to distant future. He probably knows how you feel towards her and is blinded by pussy.

Dear Rocco,

I’ve got a big date with this really hot chick. She’s way more experienced sexually than me and from what I’ve been told, she plans to put it on me when we go out. Do you know any tricks you could teach me to look more experienced than I really am? I don’t want to look like an idiot.

Dear RR

I don’t know the girl but you could always put a finger up her ass when she is cumming. Several tend to enjoy that and always go down.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

True Love, Death, Sports Hating Spouses

Dear Rocco,
Is it okay for a girl to ask her best friend to get married? He’s my best friend in the whole world. We’ve done everything together for years (except have sex). He really completes me and I feel I complete him. I know it’s out of the ordinary, but I want him for myself before some other girl realizes how great he is. I know I ruin the risk of what we’ve got going now, that’s why I need your advice. Should I? Or should I keep status quo.
SB

Dear SB
Take a shot. I think you should date before you get married. It is possible for friends to date and go back to being friends if the friendship is true.

Dear Rocco,
I hate football. I am now about to lose my boyfriend for four months or so as he’s either parked in front of the TV or some sports bar with his pals. What can a gal do to keep herself preoccupied without dating a non-football loving male (if there is such a beast)?
MT

Dear MT
Do something with your friends. When he is watching a game have a girls day. Go shopping meet up with your friends for a drink and a BS session. Find something for you to do like workout, read or go to a movie that you know he will hate but you like.

Dear Rocco,
My next-door neighbor recently lost a family member to a tragic accident. While we never ones to hang out or anything, we were always cordial and said hello at the mailbox and stuff. I would like to offer my condolences and was wondering what would be appropriate. Should I send a card or go to the service? Any advice on how I should handle this?
PF

Dear PF
Just show support. I think telling them face to face is much more personal and helpful to the healing process than a card.

Dear Rocco,
How old do you want to be when you die? I’m not sure I want to live forever the way the world is going and I don’t really want anyone to have to take care of me. Just wondering…
GR

Dear GR
I don’t know I just want to live long enough to truly enjoy life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Drugs, Women Politicians & Reincarnation

Dear Rocco,

Are drugs bad? People seem so happy to be taking them. I was just wondering.

Dear CB

Yes drugs are bad. You obviously haven’t seen too many crack heads or meth addicts in your life, there is nothing happy with those people. The drug use you seem to have been exposed to is nothing more than a glorified mirage. If you look closely and long enough you will see the pain and sorrow that shit causes. Jail and death are the only things to be found on the other side of drugs.

Dear Rocco,

It seems like all the women denouncing Michelle Bachmann’s run for the White House are the same ones praising Hilary Clinton when she ran four years ago as a Democrat. Why is that?

Dear SP

They are obviously clouded by the Democratic party. All I have to say is I hope in the next election people vote for what is right and not to be stylish.

Dear Rocco,

How come most women can’t take no for an answer?

Dear IM

I think it’s difficult to them because for most of them who are use to saying “no” it throws them for a loop when someone says it to them.

Dear Rocco,

I am a big believer in reincarnation. I want to come back as a mountain lion and rule the forest. What would you like to come back as?

Dear JJ

A lap dog whose owner is a Hot girl in her 20’s who likes being naked in the house.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Royal Treatment

Dear Rocco,
I love my dad. He’s a really great guy, but he is very oblivious to the world around him. He’s the guy all the telemarketers and scammers salizate when they see him coming. Recently he’s tried to help me with my business and just gets in the way. He means well, but he just doesn’t understand how and why I run my business the way I do. I ended up yelling at him. I feel bad, but that seems like the only way to get his attention. Any suggestions?
RJ

Dear RJ
He’ll get over it. At some point we all lose our tempers with people we love. It might help if you sit him down and explain your business philosophy in detail with him. Let him see what you’re trying to accomplish and the way you want to run your business.

Dear Rocco,
Why do women take it so seriously if you don’t text them back immediately? I’m a busy guy and my girlfriend, who texts me for trivial crap to begin with, will go crazy and start texting me “Are you mad at me” and “??????” if I don’t respond within a few minutes. I’m busy and speaking of which how come these women seem to text so damn much. Don’t most of them work as well as us guys?
DM

Dear DM
I don’t know why women enjoy texting so much. It sounds like your girlfriend is insecure and most women can get away with screwing off at work…If they’re hot.

Dear Rocco,
Would you rather be president of the United States of king of England?
PH

Dear PH
I would rather be President. Christ, look at the Royal family! They look like inbred nuts! They are nothing but stuck up showpieces for a country with shitty weather.

Dear Rocco,
Will I die a virgin?
BP

Dear BP
Yes, probably. If you have to ask me this question you probably need to quit masturbating to World of Warcraft and find some pussy to tear up. If you can’t find it for free then buy it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Kiss Offs, Will Farrell & the Biebs

Dear Rocco,
Is everyone gay now? Everything I see on TV and online is all about gay rights and how great it is to be gay. Even Miley Cyrus got a pro-gay marriage tattoo on her finger. Whatever happened to boys liking girls and girls liking boys?
PD

Dear PD
I can’t speak for everyone but I’m still straight. I think you’re looking at this all wrong, the more guys who “come out of the closet” and embrace the alternative lifestyle the higher the stock rises for us straight guys because there are straight women out there who want a good old fashioned, pain in the ass heterosexual man to lick them wet and fuck them dry and someone has to be there for them.

Dear Rocco,
Is there any sure way to get rid of a boy? There’s this boy at school that won’t leave me alone. He’s constantly writing me notes, bringing me stuff, and junk like that. I’ve told him over and over again I have no interest in him but he keeps being nice to me. Any suggestions?
HL

Dear HL
So you want the guy to stop being nice to you? Have you tried being friendly to him back? Men and women can be friends without hooking up. I’m nice to women who I would never even think of hooking up with so I know it’s possible. Some day you may wish a guy would be nice to you.

Dear Rocco,
Why do people think Will Ferrell is funny?
DS

Dear DS
I have no idea. I think he is an idiot and does a pretty good George W. Bush impression but there are funnier comedians out there.

Dear Rocco,
I heard that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez may be having problems. Do you think my big sister has a chance with him? She’s really pretty. I’ve enclosed a picture of her for you to see for yourself. It would be cool to have the Biebs at our house for the holidays.
BS

Dear BS
Your sister is pretty but I doubt she will ever meet Justin Bieber and is probably better for it. I have yet to see a child star grow up to be anything but a basket case.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

My Boy Lollipop

Dear Rocco,
My daughter recently got engaged to her longtime boyfriend (10+ years). She’s been staying with him most of the time anyway and I’m glad they are making it legit. Anyhow, she came by the other night to show off her engagement ring. I was impressed how nice it was. She answered, “It should have it cost us enough”. That’s when I asked her what she meant by “us”. She told me she helped pay for the engagement ring. I couldn’t believe my ears! Who makes their fiancé pay for their own engagement ring? I kind of figured he was kind of cheap because he waited for her to get a well-paying job before popping the question, but this takes the cake. I can’t believe she’s gonna marry this guy.
CM

Dear CM
Women do some stupid shit when it comes to men. If your daughter’s friends are all getting married she might feel left out if she weren’t engaged to this cheap bastard. Maybe she will come to her senses and get rid of his ass. Most women in their late 20’s start only thinking about marriage and it clouds their better judgement.

Dear Rocco,
How many licks does it take to get to the center of at Tootsie Pop?
SD

Dear SD
I have no idea, take the bong out of your mouth long enough to find the answer out for yourself.

Dear Rocco,
If you got to choose the way you would die, what would it be and why?
AW

Dear AW
I would die at 110 years of age after bedding my 5 twenty-something year old girlfriends. Why should be obvious…

Dear Rocco,
If people are so critical of the food at McDonald’s why do people still buy “Happy Meals” for their kids. Isn’t it kind of two-faced when the parents are too lazy to make their kids a decent meal and then blame a fast food chain because their kids have a fat ass?
RM

Dear RM
Yes it is but the world is fucked up. Nobody wants or believes they should be held responsible for their actions in today’s world. I blame the democrats.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Text Buddies, Marriage and more

Dear Rocco,
Did you get a $3,000 a year raise where you work? Seems like some city officials and those with made up jobs that do nothing are receiving all the benefit that the city and its budget has to offer. What do you think?
MC

Dear MC
No I work for a living so I didn’t get shit. I don’t think I need to say anything more.

Dear Rocco,
Are we living in the ‘60s again? It seems like everyone is more racist, sexist, etc now here in 2011 than in years past. I got into a taxi this weekend and asked the cabbie what was a cool place to go have a drink. He told me which clubs were “black” clubs, which ones where gays hung out, where college kids go and where the “white people hang”. What’s up with everything and everyone being so segregationist still in this day and age?
WW

Dear WW
Have you been living in a bubble? As far as I can remember and in every city I’ve been to there are clubs with a predominance of a certain race, age and sexual preference. You can go to a blues club in Chicago or Memphis and the customers are going to be predominantly black just as if you go to a country bar in Dallas the customers are predominantly white or Hispanic. Humans are the same yet everyone has their differences. I’m not one for dance clubs or “hippie” music but I have worked at clubs that have both venues and seen a mixture of all different types of people that the cabbie mentioned. I mean today people have choices of what type of club they want to visit whereas 40 years ago it was illegal for races to mix socially and if a person was gay they risked serious injury if the wandered into the wrong establishment. We are a long way from the segregation days as far as general terminology but people will gravitate towards others with similar tastes and interests so to a point we self-segregate to a degree.

Dear Rocco,
I was wondering if you’re married. I am a single older guy who has never married. My girlfriend, if you want to call her that says I will never get married and that I’ve been single too long to change my ways. Over our years together she has hinted at it and even asked me if I think I’ll ever get married. I tell her, “sure”, but she doesn’t believe me. Do you think there is any truth that a guy can be single too long?
EL

Dear EL
I’m not married but have been in relationships that my friends have said are just like it. Maybe, I’m not the one to answer. I kinda like being able to go play golf, hunt, fish, ride my motorcycle, go to Vegas or do whatever without getting approval from someone but that’s me.

Dear Rocco,
I met this cool guy through a girl at school. He asked her for my number and I let him have it. I started a text relationship with him. The problem is it is only one-sided. Unless I text I never hear from him. When I do text he gets excited to hear from me and we text back an forth for quite some time. What’s up with that?
JR

Dear JR
Maybe he thinks you’re drunk and horny? I don’t know anything about the guy. I’m not a big fan of texting myself. Hell I’ve gotten into a shit load of trouble from texting and apparently not using correct wording. Try calling and actually talking to the guy and see if things get better between you two.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Checkered Pasts, Skinny Chicks and more

Dear Rocco,
What is up with people these days? I have a lot of friends who are out of work. I recently needed to hire someone to do some work around my house and office. I’m offering well above minimum wage and I’m paying cash. But everyone I ask seems too busy despite being unemployed or they want more money. I don’t see anyone knocking on their door. What gives?
RJ

Dear RJ
They’re overestimating their self worth. It’s hard for some people to admit they aren’t worth a dime yet think they deserve thousands. Wait until they’re starving then you can get them at half price.

Dear Rocco,
My boyfriend recently found out I was in a soft-core film. I didn’t have sex or anything in the movie, but I did get naked. He now seems repulsed by it and looks at me in a different light now. We were headed towards the altar I thought, but those plans seem to have been derailed. What can I do to get him over my past that I am not proud of. It was a long time ago and I was a hungry artist trying to make it.
KM

Dear KM
Did he think you were a virgin when you two met? At least you found out now instead of later after your wedding. Watch the movie with him and ask him what he is so mad about. If he can’t get over it then move on to someone who doesn’t let the past dictate the future.

Dear Rocco,
Do you think the NFL strike will ever end? I don’t want to have to watch only basketball this fall and winter.
PR

Dear PR
I don’t and will not only watch basketball either. I don’t know. I think restrictions are needed in all professional sports. If players don’t like the restrictions then they can get real jobs like the rest of us. If team owners can’t control their employees then get employees who will follow the rules.

Dear Rocco,
What is wrong with people today? I am a thin girl. Very thin. There is nothing wrong with me. I hear other women around me whisper I must be anorexic or bulimic. There is nothing further from the truth. I love a slice of pizza and a beer just like everyone else. I just don’t eat a whole pizza like some of the women I work with. It’s almost like it’s a crime to be a skinny girl. I’m sick of fat girls being empowered by being called “BBWs” and so forth. Why can’t we call them what they really are – fat? I’m tired of the whispering, and tired of the empty food cartons I see in the trashcans around the office and everywhere else for that matter. It’s a crime to be fit almost and I wish people would learn to moderate what they do so they don’t binge diet – which is a whole ‘nother story at the office. Geez. Thanks for letting me vent Rocco
TH

Dear TH
Vent all you want. I see your point, you workout and eat right and others criticize you because they are jealous of your body. However I do know some big beautiful women who do the same, they just can’t seem to lose the weight. I think people should be happy with who they are and if they’re not then try to change. Some people can change their appearance and some cannot, but if you can’t change at least you tried and no one should be criticized for their weight. That’s as dumb as criticizing someone for their race.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Pet Peeves and Trannies

Dear Rocco,
My girlfriend treats me weird. When we are along and by ourselves she talks to me like I’m some kind of idiot, always putting me down. When we’re in public with her friens or my friends she’s always talking me up and telling everyone how great I am and how lucky she is. I don’t get it. She treats me like such crap when no one can hear and then all smiles in public. If I didn’t know better I would think she was bi-polar, but she says the doctors say she’s not. I’m sick of the demeaning way she talks to me too, because I have a Masters degree and she never finished community college. What should I do?
LH

Dear LH
Dump the bitch and move on to someone who isn’t a Goddamn basket case. Verbal abuse shouldn’t be tolerated.

Dear Rocco,
I’m not the best looking guy but I do pretty well. I happen to roll with a bunch of big name guys and myself have a growing business. We kind of roll like those guys on “Entourage”. What’s funny is some chicks don’t give me the time of day, but once they find out who I am and who my running buddies are, they throw themselves at me. How can I be assured that the girl likes me for me and not who I know?
MM

Dear MM
Stop telling them “who” you are. Try meeting people without “rolling” like the douche bags on “Entourage.”

Dear Rocco,
I love my boyfriend dearly. When we are home alone and being intimate we have little pet names we call each other. I love it and think it’s sweet when he does it. My problem is he will call me by my pet name in front of all his behemoth friends and I feel a little insecure and embarrassed by it. How can I get him to tone it down around his buds without hurting his feelings?
SK

Dear SK
Talk to him if that doesn’t work then threaten to tell the same behemoth friends his pet names and I guarantee he will shut the fuck up.

Dear Rocco,
I got involved with a little role playing with my husband about a month ago to try and spice things up. I was able after much coercion able to talk him into wearing my lingerie. To my surprise, he really got into it – too much actually. Now he insists on wearing my undergarments under his suits. He has now stretched out all my undies and bras to where they no longer fit me properly. I tried to talk him into getting his own in his size, but he refuses. He wants to wear my stuff. What should I do?
JC

Dear JC
Get more undies and face it, you’re married to a tranny.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Ends of Times, Lotteries and much more

Dear Rocco,
With all the wild weather we’ve had the last year or so, do you think God is trying to gell us something? If so, what is He trying to tell us?
AC

Dear AC
The Mayans I think believed the end will be 2012 maybe God is telling us to change our ways or else.

Dear Rocco,
Seems odd to me that the city would turn to Carta to handle the parking meters. Isn’t Carta one of the most poorly run public transportation outfits? I remember Mr. Dugan threatened to cut back on use of electric buses because gas prices(?!) were going through the roof a few years back. What gives?
RL

Dear RL
I have no idea, I think the higher rank a person gets they lose common sense. Look at the companies who lost profits over the past few years and their CEO’s gave themselves raises. I don’t remember that from my business classes in college.

Dear Rocco,
If you won the lottery what would you buy with the winnings?
DT

Dear DT
I’d pay off my debts and buy a secluded home here and a vacation home somewhere in the tropics. I wouldn’t buy a lot of shit like sports cars or mansions that’s just not me. I think I would travel a Hell of a lot.

Dear Rocco,
I read where Ryan Dunn of Jackass was killed in a fiery car crash. Why am I not sad?
MM

Dear MM
I guess because you can only act like a dumbass for only so long before shit catches up with you. I didn’t know the guy so I don’t have any feelings on the matter either but it’s sad when people die before their time but not worth getting emotional about. I guess you’re normal.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Rat Packs, Children and more

Dear Rocco,

Now that all the American Idol hoopla is over, I’m a little put off by the city of Chattanooga. That girl Lauren Alaina is not even from Chattanooga. She’s from Rossville, GA, and she sang at a restaurant in East Ridge – not Chattanooga. But we spend a lot of money and throw a party and parade for her costing the taxpayers money and stealing the spotlight from her hometown and the place where she did her singing. What’s your take on the whole American Idol thing? Oh yeah… she lost.

Dear SW

I don’t watch American Idol and could care less. I mean it’s a great venue for talent but it just doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t believe in spending taxpayer’s money for bullshit like they did but let’s face it, you can’t televise a parade down Rossville blv. No one in the area wants to show the area sweetheart singer waving to people coming out of a porno theater, pawn shops, dive bars or buying crack and/or 20 dollar whores. So I guess Chattanooga and East Ridge had to step in for the setting.

Dear Rocco,

We seem to spend a lot of money on public art – some of it questionable. If you were commissioned to create a piece of public art for the city what would it be?

Dear MC

After seeing some of the “art” the city has purchased I don’t think it would be too difficult to throw something together maybe a giant bronzed dog raising his leg on a train. The city’s past would be represented by the train and the dog peeing on it would show we are an animal friendly eco-conscious place to live.

Dear Rocco,

I just watched the movie “The Rat Pack” for the 20th time the other night. I just love that era and the antics of Sinatra, Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., etc. I wish those times were still around. Which members of the Rat Pack do you think you most relate to the best? Just wondering.

Dear PT

Probably I’m closer to Dean Martin because he appeared not to give a damn about what people thought of him. I mean if you’re a good person who is secure with yourself then who gives a shit what some asshole thinks of you? Life is too short to worry about things that don’t really matter.

Dear Rocco,

Who’s responsibility is it to take care of children? My sister and I argue about it all the time. I think parents are responsible for raising their kid and making sure they behave and act accordingly when in public. My sister thinks teachers should because they spend more waking moments with the kids during the school year than the parents and the parents did the hard part by bringing them into this world. Who do you think is right about this? Dinner is riding on your decision.

Dear TL

I think your sister is an ignorant whore who shouldn’t be allowed to bring any more children into this world. PARENTS should be held responsible for their fucked –up heathen children. If you decide to bring a child into this world you should be responsible for raising them not pawning off the responsibility to someone who didn’t decide to get knocked-up and unleash Satan’s spawn upon the world.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Local Music, Loser Alcoholics and more

Dear Rocco,

I play in a local band and when we play out no one ever comes. Why is that? I swear we sound really good.

Dear JH

Chattanooga is a strange place in regards to live music venues. If your band plays cover songs then you will do great but if you do only originals then you will starve without a day job. I think the local radio stations could do a little more to promote original local music. Only two stations have local shows playing and promoting local talent and the top local station plays music from artists who are dead or retired. People in the Chattanooga area need to open their minds up to the music that’s out there locally and give the local bands more of a chance.

Dear Rocco,

How long does it take to get over my parents’ divorce? I am a bitter person twenty years after the fact. They’re both still around and I visit them at least once a week (separately), but after dinner or after an hour or so I begin to act like a jerk towards them. I really don’t know why, I just do. What do you think is eating at me after all this time?

Dear HR

I don’t know it sounds like you may just be an asshole. Get over it.

Dear Rocco,

My boyfriend is a functioning alcoholic. A day never goes by when he doesn’t go out for a drink with the boys after work or he has a cold one while watching a ball game at the house. Alcohol makes him evil and he gets abusive. Not physically, but verbally and in bed. It was a little fun at first (in bed), but it causes me pain (emotionally and otherwise). When he’s not drinking he’s the most wonderful person I’ve ever met, and our friends think he’s this super great guy. They have not idea what goes on behind closed doors. I love him, but am tired of the pain. What should I do? Cam he be helped?

Dear BT

I seem to remember Ted Bundy was considered a great guy when he wasn’t raping and killing women from coast to coast. Get the Hell away from him! If he is abusing you in any way verbally physically and in bed he is a piece of shit and you don’t need that in your life. It will only get worse.

Dear Rocco,

I threw a surprise birthday party for my girlfriend and invited 20 of her friends to a dinner party I had catered. The night of the party only three of her 20 friends showed up. I’m mad about all the work I did for the party and no one showing up and bad for her because it make it look like no one cared it was her birthday. What’s your thoughts on this?

Dear AK

Either she really doesn’t have that many friends or you are a very shitty cook and your reputation as such is well known. I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t celebrate my birthday and would be pissed if I came home and found 20 people in my house. When it comes down to it, I think, a person may only have 3-5 real friends and the rest are just window dressing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Fatties, Sequels and more...

Dear Rocco,
Why are there so many fat people around here? I’ve heard of putting on winter weight, but hell, you would think it was still December in these parts. How come people don’t take care of their looks and health, instead choosing to stuff another Big Mac in their already fat face? It’s like they took that movie “Super Size Me” to heart.
SM

Dear SM
Well the movie “Super Size Me” was made to show people how bad the food is for a regular diet. I don’t know why people eat all that crap maybe because they believe you can eat anything and take a pill to lose the weight? The U.S. has become a fat nation and we need to change.

Dear Rocco,
I had too much to drink last night. Know any good hangover cures?
JH

Dear JH
Keep drinking…Or you could eat something. Eating puts nutrients back into your body that the alcohol removed.

Dear Rocco,
I went and saw Hangover 2 over the weekend with my buds and laughed my butt off. It was a great sequel. They seem to be making nothing but sequels and movies out of old TV shows. If you had a choice what sequel would you like to see made?
CE

Dear CE
I think I’m over the sequel movie bug. I would like to see an original movie for a change.

Dear Rocco,
Do you think my brother’s band will become famous? They sound like a cross between Foo Fighters meet Willie Nelson meet Prince. I let them borrow $25 to get some band stickers made and hope my investment in them pays off.
WB

Dear WB
Jesus Christ don’t quit your day job to be their manager.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Hell, Harry & Much More

Dear Rocco,

I read recently where famed scientist Steven Hawking said there was no heaven and that after we die that’s it. He said the belief of an afterlife is a fairy story. So, would I be wasting my breath if I told him to “go to hell”?

Dear JC

Never heard of the guy but that’s never stopped me from telling someone to go to Hell.

Dear Rocco,

It’s been a long time since we had a Dirty Harry kind of movie to watch. Since Clint Eastwood retired from acting, who do you think would be a good choice to play the “new” Dirty Harry?

Dear KP

I don’t think there is an actor who can do it today. I think the character Dirty Harry displays a lot of characteristics of Clint Eastwood and his generation. I can’t think of anyone nor do I think in today’s bleeding heart liberal society that the character would be as well received.

Dear Rocco,

Which is a bigger waste of time – doing my math homework or my mom watching “Dancing With the Stars”?

Dear RM

Watching “Dancing with the Stars.” No doubt about it.

Dear Rocco,

If I hear another ‘80s tribute band I think I might go Bernhard Goetz on somebody. Do you think the ‘80s will ever go away?

Dear TV

Not until my generation dies out.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Drunks, Teasers & More

Dear Rocco,

My boyfriend’s drinking is out of control. Nothing bad has happened to him yet, but it’s only a matter of time. He can’t go a day without drinking, he’s even said he can’t go a day without drinking. Every time I threaten to leave he behaves for a day or two and then he’ll have a drink which will lead to three, then five and more. I love him. He’s really creative and a hard worker when not stinking drunk, but if he had his choice he would stay drunk every day. What should I do?

Dear GH

Quit the idle threat bullshit and leave him. If he loves you more than the booze he will get his shit together. If not then you’re better off without him.

Dear Rocco,

Why is poker treated like a sport? All I see are a bunch of middle-aged balding men wearing sunglasses and pot bellies being treated like rockstars. Don’t they know they look silly? And ESPN and NBC just glorifies it by putting it on TV. Oh the humanity!

Dear CP

Smoking, drinking and gambling for hours takes practice, talent and is very stressful. Do you think they got their bodies by walking on treadmills, eating right and resting? Hell no! They abuse the shit out of themselves.

Dear Rocco,

There seems to be a million different reality shows on TV these days. If you were a broadcast executive what kind of reality show would you put on TV?

Dear AB

I wouldn’t do a reality show period. I watch TV to escape reality.

Dear Rocco,

One of my mom’s guy friends is really cool. He’s into a lot of the same music and stuff that I am. I gave him my phone number and will text him from time to time. I’ll even flirt with him. He’s been nothing but polite (he’s like 25 years older than me). Mom thinks it’s funny but says I should not send the wrong message to him. I think it’s just good clean fun. What do you think?

Dear TR

I think you’re a cock-tease and you may need to stop flirting with your mom’s guy friend unless you want to end up as a peter-in-law with your mother and as a guest on Jerry Springer.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

What is a Lady Gaga? and more

Dear Rocco,

I started dating the finest girl in school. She’s well-liked beautiful and smart. She’s also experienced, if you know what I mean. I’m still a virgin and will probably lose my virginity to her. I’m a little nervous and am afraid of embarrassing myself with her. What if she makes fun of me? I’ll be ruined. What should I do to get ready for what I’m going to do?

Dear BC

Get that shit out of your head. There is only one way to get good at anything and that is to practice. Take some advice from an old perv, go down on her until she squirts like a busted fire hydrant then she will know you want her to enjoy it. Let’s face it your first time you may be a quick nut but as long as she cums first she will give you chances to improve your skills.

Dear Rocco,

If pro sports paid the same as say, an office administrator instead of millions, how many do you think would still play professionally? What about if they had to have a college degree like an attorney or doctor? I think they get far too much for what they provide to society.

Dear GW

I agree and disagree with you. Most are over-paid and under-mature assholes however when you factor in a pro athletes playing career on average is 5 years and the abuse their bodies take for some it’s not a good way to make a living. Some piss away their signing bonuses on toys that lose value upon purchase. Sports agents cost money. Athletes get ripped off by “friends” everyday and for thousands of dollars that really add up before they realize they’re getting robbed. Injuries and surgeries take a chunk out of their pay and to be honest I would rather be able to walk and play with my kids and grand kids, if I had any, than be crippled by injuries sustained from playing a game that money and professionalism has taken most of the fun away from.

Dear Rocco,

Why has this epidemic of bullying popped up in our culture in the last year. Ribbing and teasing have been a part of all generations, but now it’s turning deadly – either in retaliation or self-harm? Do kids today not know how to defend themselves any more? Is there any reason why bullies get away with it to the point where kids start to kill each other? When will the madness stop?

Dear HS

America has become a pussy reflection of itself from years past. Kids have been neutered by the politicians and lawmakers from hippie cultures. I know what you’re thinking, what the Hell is he saying? I’m saying kids fight. It’s natural but today if kids get into a fight at school they are expelled and labeled violent. It’s like children no longer have the right to defend themselves and if they tried they have no idea what the Hell to do. Humans are violent it’s in our very nature. When you deny nature sooner or later something snaps and you get the school shootings or the suicides. It like when the exotic pets some assholes have, go crazy and attacks. You can buy a tiger raise it in a cage show it love but when you have to discipline it or it gets strange vibes/emotions it reacts naturally. A kid who has never been in a fight because of fear of getting punished will turn the other cheek for only so long then they snap. There could be years of pent up anger and rage exploding and the kid doesn’t know how to deal with it. Let’s face it he doesn’t know how to fight so he has to use a weapon to help release the anger.

Dear Rocco,

What is a Lady Gaga? And why is my girlfriend listening to it?

Dear PL

I have no idea what a Lady Gaga is other than a labeled recording artist. I thought it was a chick with a dick.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Hot Teachers, Oil & More

Dear Rocco,

With the death of Osama bin Laden, what effect do you think it will have, if any on gas prices?

Dear RR

The next day oil prices went down according to the news but I haven’t seen it at the pump yet. I expect gas prices will drop but then an oil rig will explode or sink and prices will go back up.

Dear Rocco,

Do you think the government is watching what I’m doing right now? I’m scared.

Dear WD

Yes they are watching you…and so am I. If you run it will be worse.

Dear Rocco,

I had this really hot art teacher when I was a senior in high school. She was maybe ten years older than me. She was way cool and we got along great. I just recently finished college and ran into her at the grocery store. She told me she was divorced now. Do you think it’s okay for me to ask her out even though she was my teacher a few years ago?

Dear KP

Yeah, why not? You are both legal adults.

Dear Rocco,

Why do you think in this day and age people still make a big deal on the length of one’s hair? I have a buddy who is educated and sharp as a tack, but had been overlooked because he wears his hair long. Aren’t we in the 21st century now?

Dear PT

As long as your buddy doesn’t have the Joe Dirt mullet he shouldn’t be discriminated against. Long hair, short hair or no hair shouldn’t make a difference especially today.

Dear Rocco,

At my bachelorette party a few months ago I ended up having sex with the male stripper that my friends hired to entertained. I am now pregnant and I’m not sure if my new husband is the father. All indications point to this party. What should I do?

Dear TD

You dirty knocked up whore. Congratulations you’ve f--ked up in a major way! Tell your husband NOW! Tell the stripper, he also has a right to know. Do NOT wait! Get a DNA test. You made a huge mistake don’t make it worse. Take responsibility for what you’ve done. Either way you have another life to think about now, so don’t do what’s easy for you. Do the right thing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Personal Loans,True Love and More

Dear Rocco,

Why does it take eight cop cars to pull over one car? The police complain they are underpaid but most of the time I see them out they are parked in numbers on Market Street on the weekends of a Friday or Saturday night, or if a random car gets pulled over all of a sudden there are more cars surrounding him than the president of the United States when he came to town a couple of years ago. What gives? Don’t they have anything better to do than cluster together and sit around and talk like I saw this past weekend and every other weekend I’ve been out? With all the crime problems this city has it doesn’t make sense to me.

Dear CC

There are two sides of this issue. Yes cops are under paid and sometimes in certain districts they have nothing to do. If they have nothing to do then most of the time they will respond as backup to one who has pulled someone over or who is answering a call. The more police presence at a call the less likely the situation will go bad or if it does go bad hopefully there are enough officers to handle the situation. It’s a strange occupation some days an officer may be bored off his/her ass and other days may be running wild.

Dear Rocco,

I’m a little short this week. Can I borrow $50? I’ll pay you back when my check comes in.

Dear TG

No but I hear you can bluff your way through a few poker hands on Lee Hwy.

Dear Rocco,

I really want to have a family one day and unfortunately I'm not getting any younger. I don't want to waste my time with men who don't want to start a family, so I always tell them what I want on the first date. I know this approach is a turn-off for some guys, but I’m tired of wasting my time. Do you think it is right to be up-front about things that are really important to you?

Dear CL

Yeah I think you should be up-front with everyone especially with someone you’re trying to plan a future with.

Dear Rocco,

I’m in love with my best friend. I watch her go out with one loser after another. Each and everyone of them treats her like crap, or something happens in the relationship and she ends of broken-hearted. And every time she comes to me for consolation. How can I bring up the subject to her about she and I being together? I really love her and everyone knows but her. How can I convince her we should be together? Or should I just settle for being the best friend?

Dear GW

I don’t know what to tell you that is a touchy situation. I would say she knows you love her and she loves you but she is afraid because if it doesn’t work out with you then who does she turn to for comfort? You need to take a chance and talk with her and she needs to get her head out of her ass and decide if she wants to be with someone who loves her and she has feelings for or keep getting shit on by losers.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Prohibition, Rich Folks,Online Dating and more

Dear Rocco,
I was reading about Prohibition recently. It seems like when our government tries to band something or over-regulate it, demand for it seems to be higher and the consequences greater than if they would only oversee it and let people make up their own mind. Other countries are less strict about alcohol and drugs and they seem to have fewer problems than we do trying to regulate it and/or ban it. What’s your stand on the issue?
JC
Dear JC
I can’t argue with the facts. Other countries do have less problems but we as Americans are all about over-indulgence and cannot seem to do things in moderation.

Dear Rocco,
I am the only successful person in my family. I first started off giving my wife a job because he couldn’t find one, and now my brother and cousin are working at my company under my direct supervision. I think I’m getting an overload of family time and feel like I don’t have any time to myself. Do you think I should have hired all my family?
GL

Dear GL
Probably not. I think everyone needs an escape from work and co-workers and with your family working with your company you have eliminated your escape. Maybe you should give them great references and let them move on with their careers.

Dear Rocco,
Why don’t rich people ever pay their bills? I know a bunch of rich dudes that take their time paying bills and invoices and laugh if anyone tries to rush them. They’ll even delay paying if you complain too much. If you or I are late with a payment, we get our stuff cut off. This isn’t fair.
TD

Dear TD
No it isn’t fair but life isn’t fair. Too many people let the wealthy get away with not paying bills on time I guess because they know they have it and aren’t really worried about not getting paid eventually. Unfortunately, that tends to give the wealthy a false sense that they are more important than the average Joe and makes others feel like shit.

Dear Rocco,
I joined one of those online dating sites because I have trouble meeting women. While browsing through potential “matches” I ran across the profile of a girl in my office building. I have admired her from afar for quite some time and we will occasionally share pleasantries in the elevator, but never in my wildest dreams or imagination would I think I would find someone like her on a dating site. I figured she had suitors lined up at the door to take her out. My question is do you think I stand a chance with her? Should I contact her through the website or in person? And if in person should I tell her I found her profile online?
MN

Dear MN
Try contacting her in person. I think it’s better to meet people in person than online. She may have suitors lined up but they may not be what she is looking for in a man. It’s hard to meet the right person so unless you’re the typical jerk-off who hits on her all the time you have a chance.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Mascots & Morons

Dear Rocco,

I see a bunch of ads featuring cute mascots like the Geico gecko and the Aflac duck. Which mascot has been your favorite to date? The Taco Bell dog, Spuds McKenzie, the Cavemen, the Budweiser frogs, Ronald McDonald? Which of all the mascots for products was your favorite and way?

Dear CP

I have always liked the Budweiser Clydesdales. The commercials for the Super Bowl have always been my favorites. I really don’t know why but I’ve always enjoyed them.

Dear Rocco,

Why can’t people speak for themselves? I’m tired of being asked by a friend of mine a question his wife has for me. I’ll get this call that “Amy wanted me to ask you…” What’s the matter? Cat got their tongue? Too good to speak to me? What do you think Rocco?

Dear HC

Beats me. I’ve always asked the questions I wanted to ask. However, I’ve gotten into a lot of shit for asking some questions but I’m glad I did.

Dear Rocco,

Why do they put pictures of missing kids on milk cartons? Wouldn’t be better to put them on Coke cans? I see everybody drinking a cola but not so many people drinking milk these days.

Dear DF

Yeah it would be better to put pictures on Coke cans but it may be cheaper to put them on milk cartons than aluminum cans. I mean Coke only puts Santa on their cans and I think if you put a missing child on one side and Santa on the other some parents may be offended by the images.

Dear Rocco,

I seem to have a lot of underemployed and unemployed friends. Whenever I offer to give them something to do to make some extra money they give me a list of things they have to do before they can help me, if at all – everything except hold down a job of course. According to them they have a busier agenda than I do and I work 50 hours a week and do volunteer work. If you have no job and no prospects for a job, how can you have such a full agenda?

Dear RS

I don’t know. I mean there are only so many “honey do” chores. I guess when you have a lot of time on your hands you end up doing or wanting to do things that you didn’t have the time for when you didn’t have the time so you try to do them all. I guess it’s like when you’re hungry and have lots of money in your pocket but you can’t decide on what to buy for dinner where as if you’re broke and hungry you know exactly what you want.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Get A Job

Dear Rocco,
My best friend is dating a real jerk. He’s very possessive and at times talks down to her. He doesn’t like it when I’m around their house and in not so many words has said I am not welcome there when he’s there. On the upside, he takes very good care of her and I can admire him for that. I’m afraid I’m losing my best friend of many years over something I’m not sure of. What would you do in my situation?
CB

Dear CB
Keep being her friend. She is going to need you when she discovers she doesn’t need to be treated that way and leaves his ass. So many women take way too much shit from assholes until they finally reach a point that they realize they deserve better and that’s when they find out who their real friends are and need support.

Dear Rocco,
Do you think local police will finally get the respect they deserve after the tragedy last Saturday?
JW

Dear JW
For a few weeks then everyone goes back to the way they were.

Dear Rocco,
I need a job. I’ve been out of work for awhile with no luck. I recently got an email from the baby daddy of this girl I at one point was in love with and still have feelings for. He’s offered me a job with his business. I’m not sure what to think of it. What would you do if you were me?
NE

Dear NE
Take the job. Working somewhere looks better to potential employers than no job at all. Keep looking for a job so if it gets too weird working for him you can move on.

Dear Rocco,
How come a group of guys can hang out and get along with no problem? It seems that if you get a group of women to hang out together for any length of time at some point one or more of them get catty with each other. Any insight into this phenomenon?
RG

Dear RG
Women generally do not like other women. I don’t know, it’s like they want what the other one has no matter what it is. If you discover the answer please let me know.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

It's The End Of The World As We Know It

Dear Rocco,
Do you think you’ll get invited to the Royal Wedding and if you do what advice do you have for the bride and groom?
PC

Dear PC
I highly doubt I’ll get invited to the Royal Wedding and if I do I don’t think I would go. There are too many other places I would like to visit and if I’m on vacation I don’t want to spend it with people who think they are more important than they really are.

Dear Rocco,
I’m starting to lose my faith in God. I have personally witnessed of late too many bad things happening to good people and too many good things happening to bad people. My faith is getting shaky. Am I missing out on something or am I losing my mind?
JF

Dear JF
I have witnessed the same but you have to believe in something. I’ve also seen karma come back to bite so many people in the ass that helps me believe in a divine being.

Dear Rocco,
With all the natural disasters in the world the last couple of years and the upheaval in the Middle East do you think the Mayans were right when they predicted the world would end in 2012?
JC

Dear JC
Could be? If it happens there is nothing I can do about it so I don’t let it bother me. Some people thought the world would end ten years ago.

Dear Rocco,
I am a 15-year-old guy and was just invited to my first prom. I think my mom is making a bigger deal out of it than I am. I’d like a guy’s point of view on what to wear and what I can do to prepare to have a good time that night.
GH

Dear GH
Beats me. I had no interest in prom so I didn’t go to either of the two I was “supposed” to go to. My junior year I was in Florida and my senior year they had an all country music theme and I really had no interest in a Garth Brooks themed prom. I’m not a guy who likes to wear a tux and at the time I had a knee injury so bad it hurt if I stood for any length of time and I’m not gay so dancing isn’t on my top ten things to do. The more I think about it, I believe I was in Florida for that one too. I never understood why some people made a big deal out of prom. I graduated in ‘92 and for $119 you could get a hot tub suite at the Courtyard Marriot and $20 bucks could buy a bottle of booze big enough for me and a girl I wanted to play with on any given night. I made a hell of a lot of memories than that one night of county Hell. I do know you need to ask your date what to wear and that should help with a good time later in the night.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Karaoke, Hidden Fees and More

Dear Rocco,

It seems that whereever I go out to eat or drink I always run into karaoke. Karaoke everywhere. While it’s fun most of the time I wish some places would be more original. If you owned your own restaurant or bar how would you entertain me differently from everyone else?

Dear SC

I spent too many years working in clubs listening to shitty bands to do live entertainment and since I’m not Japanese karaoke is out of the question. I guess I would have a juke box so I along with my patrons could hear the conversations we were involved in without screaming over a wanna be rock star. In all honesty, I wouldn’t open a bar here. There is too much bullshit drama in bars in Chattanooga.

Dear Rocco,

I went to buy a used car last week. I found a car I really liked and decided to buy it. When I looked at the final statement the salesman added a $200 document fee or doc fee. I got pissed. Aren’t they already being paid to do the paperwork to sell the car? Why should I have to pay then extra for a job they’re supposed to be doing? I ended up walking out. I’ll never buy a car from a dealer again.

Dear MM

Good for you. A doc fee is something that can be negotiated off the already over-priced vehicle.

Dear Rocco,

Would you be more upset if your girlfriend was cheating on you with another guy or girl?

Dear EJ

If I were younger I would’ve said a guy but now that I’m older either sex would piss me off the same. If you think about it she would be cheating on me and shit on everything I had done for her. Only an immature dumbass who has seen too many porno movies would think it would be okay if it was with another girl. Like he would have a chance to join in their party. That shit only happens to Charlie Sheen.

Dear Rocco,

Why do we have homeless meters downtown? Where does the money go? It doesn’t seem to help at all. All my friends and myself are constantly being hit up for loose change. I thought the city was doing something about all the panhandlers we have roaming the street.

Dear SK

There have been beggars since the beginning of time. What the Hell did they think a few meters would accomplish that centuries of evolution couldn’t change? People will continue to beg until you stop giving…and some will still try.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Forbidden Love & More

Dear Rocco,
I was just introduced to this cool chick by a friend of mine. We hit it off great and she asked me if I wanted to go out sometime, giving me her phone number and email address. Of course I do! She seemed to be all into me an even wanted to know what I was doing later that night. After she left to take care of some personal business the friend that introduced us told me the girl was a lesbian. What’s up with that? She just texted me and wanted to know where I was and if she could meet me. If she’s really gay why would she come on to me so strong? Am I wasting my time and am I headed to yet another “friend”? What would you do if it were me?
ND

Dear ND
It may be your lucky day a lesbian who wants to experiment. Or the batteries in her vibrator are dead and she hasn’t made it to Walmart yet. What have you got to lose? Waste a little time with her.

Dear Rocco,
My former best friend broke off our friendship after many years because I told him the extracurricular activities of his long-term girlfriend and everything she was doing behind his back. He didn’t like what I told him and of course she denied it and he took her side over mine despite the fact I’ve known him all my life. I’d like to get even with this bitch somehow and am disappointed in my friend who would think I would make that stuff up. He just says I’m jealous of the two of them and she drop gives me the evil eye every time she sees me in public. What should I do?
MN

Dear MN
Nothing. Sooner or later the shit will hit the fan and he will see what a dirty whore she is and will call to apologize. There is no reason for you to stoop to her level.

Dear Rocco,
How much longer do I have to see and read about Charlie Sheen? It was funny at first. I was on his side. I loyally watched “Two And A Half Men” for years and love(d) the show. But these psychotic rants and irrational posts are beyond silly and borderline incriminating. Why won’t the aliens just come down and abduct his dumbass?
CL

Dear CL
Because they are afraid of him…Charlie Sheen is a nut and always has been. This behavior is nothing new. He has been living on hookers, drugs and alcohol for decades. I don’t know why everyone is so surprised by the latest antics.

Dear Rocco,
If you were given to opportunity to see in concert one band or artist – living or dead, who would it be and why?
PM

Dear PM
There are so many I would’ve loved to have seen The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, The Beatles, The Who, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, The Greatful Dead, Led Zepplin and The Sex Pistols. I can’t answer your question by choosing just one. I would’ve loved to hear Morrison’s drug and alcohol fueled poetry; Jimi’s guitar played as only he could; see John, Paul, George and Ringo; be in the crowd when Keith Moon blew up his drums; hear Frank and Dean tear up an audience with their unmistakable voices; hear Jerry and the boys sing those timeless songs everyone knows; hear the thunder from John’s drum sticks during Moby Dick; and see Sid’s psychotic stage antics. There is no way I could pick just one.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehab, Texting and More

Dear Rocco,

I love my girlfriend more than anything. The problem however is she is addicted to drugs. A few years back she went and got help and kicked the habit. Things were going great for us. We even bought a house together. Then tragedy struck. Her brother died in a car accident and she had trouble coping with it. She tried and tried and then she went out with some old friends and they gave her some “stuff” to knock off the edge. Since then, she has been unable to hold a job, I caught her pawning her car title and when I asked her about the engagement ring I had given her she claims she doesn’t know what happened to it and stares at me blankly. Tell me what I should do Rocco, I really love her but I’m not sure how long I can hang on.

Dear EA

Put her in drug rehab or move on with your life. She can beat the drug habit if she really wants to beat it. If she completes rehab keep her away from those loser friends.

Dear Rocco,

Why do people go out any more to a nightclub? I went out with my girlfriends the other night to dance and when we got to one of the clubs all the guys were busy with their faces buried in their iPhone or some kind of phone. I caught one of the girls in our group carrying on a text conversation while we were supposed to be out on the town looking for adventure. Have people forgotten how to communicate with others face to face?

Dear TJ

I think so. I hate texting but it’s the only way some of my friends communicate. I went to a club Saturday night for the first time in months and saw the crowd texting like mad but I also noticed they were the same faces I saw months ago doing the same shit they were then. Clubs are boring. I guess the people need something to entertain themselves.

Dear Rocco,

I’ve been seeing this gal for sometime and we really dig each other. We have yet to consummate our relationship but we’re almost to that point. I recently ran into a guy she used to date and was overwhelmed. He was much more attractive and better built than me and probably better in other areas if you know what I mean. Now I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I have a lot to measure up to and won’t make the grade with her and end up becoming just a “friend”. Any advice?

Dear HW

Gal? Consummate? How old are you? In the heat of passion take this woman by the hair; kiss her; if she’s into it take her clothes off, bend her over and fuck her like you’re going to die tomorrow! You should be alright.

Dear Rocco,

I may be in love with my best friend and he with me. We love each other’s company, we talk on the phone all the time when we’re not around each other and I miss him when he’s not around. There has also be an underlying sexual tension though we’ve made a conscious decision not to act upon. Why you ask? He’s in a monogamous relationship with a great girl who loves him dearly, and he is ultra faithful and has never had the desire or want to stray. That being said we do have these stronger than normal feelings for each other. At times we are so close I just want to reach out and grab him and make him mine, but I don’t want to be the one to ruin his relationship and I believe in karma. What should I do?

Dear AH

You could act on your feelings and risk karma or be patient. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. If you keep your hat in the ring you always have a chance.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Real Friends, Location Location, Location and More

Dear Rocco,

What is it with people? I helped an acquaintance out by giving him a parttime job with my firm until he was able to find a full time job. The job I gave him, I really didn’t have a position, but made it up to give him something to do to make a little money until he could find real work. Well, he got called back to work. Where in the past he would talk with me all the time, he no longer returns my calls and recently when I saw him out in public he turned in the other direction to snub me. I don’t understand why he would do this after I helped him out and didn’t even bother him when he worked for me. What gives?

Dear AJ

Sounds like he is an asshole.

Dear Rocco,

Why are some business locations unsuccessful? There seems to be different properties that no matter who moves in there fails, even a national name or franchise. Do you think these places are haunted or what?

Dear JR

Location is everything. Maybe these places are in the wrong part of town or the locations are difficult to enter or exit due to traffic? Or then again maybe the businesses are shit.

Dear Rocco,

My daughter has started to date one of my younger co-workers at the office. Quite frankly, on the job and even at play he’s an idiot. He has his Star Wars collectables and stuff a pre-teen would play with despite the fact he’s almost 30. To his credit he has treated my daughter like royalty and that I can appreciate. I don’t know if he has any future at this company and in the long run if she’s sold on him I’m worried about her future with him. Any suggestions?

Dear JC

I don’t know what to tell you. When I was a child I had the Star Wars toys but I played with them then and put that stuff away. I really don’t get those goofy bastards who still in their 20’s and 30’s still play with that stuff or dress up as their favorite characters. I’m not really saying there is anything wrong with it but I think its odd. As long as he treats your daughter well and doesn’t hurt anyone I don’t think there is anything too wrong with his goofy ass.

Dear Rocco,

My husband used to have a drinking problem. When he drank he got abusive and loud. He finally went to get help and is now clean and sober. The problem is the new him is a complete jerk. He’s rude, intolerant and not fun to be around at all. While I’m glad he’s no longer drinking, I almost miss his drunken ways. What should I do?

Dear MK

Find a new husband if he doesn’t get his head out of his ass. You should’ve kicked his ass out when he was abusive. There is NO excuse for that shit.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

No Love, Googling and More

Dear Rocco,

I’m bummed. Valentine’s Day and no one loves me. No cards, no candy, no flowers, not even a stinking text or phone call. I’m so depressed. Maybe I should just end it all.

Dear LT

I didn’t get shit either but I’m not putting one of my guns in my mouth. Fuck Valentine’s day! It’s a bullshit holiday anyway. If you’re that depressed over it you should seek professional help. Life is too short to prematurely end it.

Dear Rocco,

I love this guy and he says he loves me, but I’m not getting his undivided attention. I dress up for him, wear sexy clothes and all the girly things and that will get his attention until one of his buds calls and wants to go get a beer and hang out. I’m starting to feel like a second-class citizen compare to his male friends. I’ve always but him ahead of my gal pals. What should I do?

Dear BG

Stop being his doormat. Relationships are give and take so treat him the way he treats you. Go out for girls night and have a good time with your friends.

Dear Rocco,

I am dating out of my league. To try and impress her I looked up on Google ways to satisfy her in the bedroom and they have worked well. Now she’s wanting me to get more and more creative and I’m having a hard enough time remembering what I learned on Google. Not sure if I can keep up this pace. What should I do?

Dear RK

Keep looking shit up online and enjoy the ride until you’re dehydrated.

Dear Rocco,

I just recently found out I have a 21-year-old daughter. When I was literally a kid I hooked up with this girl who I was deeply in love with. Her father was military. After our summer romance he was shipped off to another destination. I never heard from her again. Thanks to the magic of Facebook I finally reconnected with her. Looking through her pictures I saw she had a daughter. The daughter’s aged corresponds to when we spent that summer together. When I finally mustered up enough courage to ask, she told me indeed that WE had a daughter. She said he was ashamed for getting pregnant out of wedlock at the time and her dad was a strict military guy who wouldn’t allow her any further contact with me. She says our daughter is well adjusted and her pride and joy. I asked if it was okay for her to know about me, but she said no. As far as our daughter knows her father was killed before she was born (wishful thinking on her dad’s part I guess). Should I accept this and let her get on with her life or let her know she has a dad – and one who would love her if only she knew him?

Dear AC

Hell no! You do whatever it takes to meet your daughter and get involved in her life. It sounds like her mother was brainwashed by bullshit. If I had a child no one would tell me I couldn’t be a part of his/her life. Military dad or not the girl should have told you. You have a right to know your child and your child should know where she came from.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Crushing, Hypntizing, Not Getting Any & More

Dear Rocco,
I’m 15 and I’m fed up living at home. I’m fed up being told what to do. The basement is supposed to be mine but they tell me what to do there too! How can I get my parents to understand that I need my freedom?
JR

Dear JR
You’re 15 take it from me you need to be told what to do. You’ll probably be a dumbass until you’re in your late 20’s.

Dear Rocco,
How do I hypnotize a girl to fall in love with me? Will she know I did it? There’s this chick at work that I really like but she won’t give me the time of day… I thought this hypnosis thing might do the trick? What do you think?
CG

Dear CG
Put down the Idiot’s Guide to Date-Raping book and try the old fashion way of actually winning her affection. If that doesn’t work you could always try lying it seems to work more often than not.

Dear Rocco,
How do I get my new girlfriend to have sex? We have been dating for seven weeks and she is it yet to get naked. I have been working her like crazy but do not see any signs of my girlfriend changing her mind. To make matters even more worse, she’s not a virgin! My ex-girlfriend was easy, all I had to do was ask. I’m considering asking her again. Any ideas?
RK

Dear RK
Try a romantic get away a nice room, bottle or bottles of wine and some candles. If she still won’t give you any then ask why…then call the ex.

Dear Rocco,
There’s this girl at work that I’m crushing on. She’s really cool and pretty. Outside of work I know very little of her. How can I safely compliment her? I would like to say something nice without coming on too strong in case she’s either not interested or involved with someone else. Could you help me out with a couple of ideas of what I could say to her?
LH

Dear LH
Work relationships usually end in disaster but the best way to approach her is the friendship route. Complement her on her dress, hair and shoes then move on without pushing any issues. It will wear her down then invite her for drinks with friends that way it won’t force her to commit to a date with you but will let you know if she is interested. If she shows up for drinks talk to her do not pressure her and take it slow. You do not want to get fired for sexual harassment.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Racism, Super Bowl Picks and More

Dear Rocco,

While everybody says this town is so progressive and modern compared to the way it used to be, I think not. At least not for African-Americans like me. It seems that no matter where I go I get eye hustled by some white dudes when I go in a club, a restaurant, or even if I talk to one of their white girlfriends. It doesn’t matter to them if I know the girl and am just friends, they seem to get uptight. The cops I see when I walk down the sidewalk tend to hold their stare in me and my friends’ direction if they see us. I don’t get it. What is it going to take to get some of these people around us to chill out because I’m not going anywhere. I live here.

Dear LP

Relax and do your thing. There is an old saying, don’t sweat the small shit…and it’s all small shit. I’ve noticed most guys get uptight when any guy approaches their girlfriend no matter what race the guy is. Don’t let ignorance get to you.

Dear Rocco,

I read where the mayor wants city police officers to live in the city instead of the county – one of the arguments why he wants to make officers pay for their take home cars. How the hell can they on what they make? A friend of mine says the police in this city are one of the worst paid for a metropolitan area of this size. Makes it hard to buy a $200 thousand condo or pay upwards of over a thousand a month for a place. What do you think of police officers living in the city proper?

Dear SV

Again I think this idea was thought up by someone who has his head up his ass. I think the city has spent a fortune on getting Volkswagen plant here and has to either make cuts in budgets or improvise. I just hope someone doesn’t get killed because a SWAT officer is late to a call because he had to drive to Amnicola to get his gear but if that happens the politicians can always spin it be the fault of the police department. I mean what could happen in an extra minute or 60 in response time?

Dear Rocco,

Any idea who’s gonna win the Super Bowl? I’ve got money riding on it and need your expert advice.

Dear GS

I’m no expert but am a Steelers fan. The Steelers have the experience but the Packers are hot right now so anything can happen.

Dear Rocco,

I’ve read all the tabloid stories the last week or so with the misadventures of Charlie Sheen. Why does he have to hire hookers? He’s rich, good looking and could probably talk most women into doing what he wants if he’s only half as smooth as his character on Two and A Half Men. Why so many problems when he’s had everything he’s ever wanted without having to do much – and this includes acting.

Dear JC

Charlie Sheen is a Goddamn wreck. He always has been. I saw him outside court when Heidi Fleiss got busted, he smiled and said, “I have a weakness for cheerleaders and I love hookers!” I guess the man really likes hookers and booze.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Sex & True Love

Dear Rocco,

Is it better to be a virgin when you get married or have some experience? My other girlfriends tell me it’s better to get it over with and not deal with the discomfort of a first sexual encounter so I can enjoy it more on my wedding night. Of course my parents prefer I stay virginal for the rest of my life and have even said I would go to hell if I slept around and wouldn’t find the right guy if I got a reputation for putting out. While I can a good girl for the most part, I am really fighting with my desires. I’m both scared and in heat. What should I do?

Dear BR

Do what YOU want to do. I can tell you, from a guy’s point of view, sex is good with any woman but to me it’s so much better with the girl I really care about. I think if you feel you’re ready then go for it. It should be your choice and if people don’t know you did it then they can’t pass bullshit judgments toward your character.

Dear Rocco,

Why do restaurants like most fast food places sell us garbage? I know this is a free market society, but wouldn’t be better if they sold quality instead of quantity. A lot of the food they sell us is so full of artery clogging fat and chemicals with very little actual nutritional value. It is killing off a lot of people and shortening their lifespan. Wouldn’t it be better if their food kept us around longer so we could in turn be customers longer over the long run?

Dear TH

Hell eating dog shit might make a person live to be 150 but I’ll eat a double cheeseburger from McDonalds and die young before I eat it. Generally, healthy food tastes like shit and the artery clogging food from fast food places tastes pretty good. Why would you want to live so long that you have to wear a diaper and take a pill to get a hard-on? I would rather enjoy a short life than have a long uneventful one.

Dear Rocco,

I read where Prince and Madonna patched up a feud they’d been having for over 25 years that apparently happened when they dated. They dated! Who hasn’t Prince dated? How can a short dude that walks around in high heels get so much tail?

Dear PW

I don’t know how he gets all that ass but I think Madonna has fucked just about every freak in the world. I guess she hooked up with him to be seen with someone who dresses even more fucked up than she does.

Dear Rocco,

My girlfriend just turned 18. For her birthday her parents bought her a car, her first. Prior to that I drove her everywhere – school, work, church, you name it. We spent a lot of time together. It was great. Now that she has her own car, she no longer seems to have time for me. In fact we’ve gone a day or two at times where she hasn’t returned my calls or texts. Have I lost her to her new car? Help!

Dear RS

Sounds like you were being used for your wheels dude. Time to find a new girlfriend until she gets over her car.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Football Drought, Lack of Quality Time & More

Dear Rocco,

Football season is over for me! The bowl games are over and my favorite pro teams either didn’t make the playoffs or were eliminated! What am I going to do with all this free time? It’s eight months until the new season starts. Help!

Dear VL

You can do what I do, watch the last few games, try Canadian football, Arena football, the UFL and channel surf.

Dear Rocco,

Is this town on drugs? Everywhere I go all I see are drugs. Wherever I eat, go for a drink, there are usually people there that are on something or in a couple of situations I saw deals going down. Right in front of me! There was even a cop car parked in the median outside when I saw this happen. I’ve heard stories about this town being a drug haven, but dismissed it until recently. Am I gonna have to move?

Dear NG

Chattanooga is a drug town, we have two interstates that make it very easy to transport narcotics through this city and an over abundance of dumbasses who use drugs. Moving might help but too many Americans are users. Drugs are everywhere.

Dear Rocco,

I have been dating a man for almost two years now. He is very funny and passionate about life. There are a lot of things I like about him, but there a few things about him that makes me feel as though our relationship will not be able to last over time. He is 28 and and I’m 21. He is constantly talking about marriage and children. I often try to avoid the discussion altogether because I know that I am truly not ready to go through with such a major change any time soon. He does not put out the effort to spend quality time with me and is also quite cheap which are some of the main reasons why I cannot see myself marrying him. I see him twice a week at most and we usually end up staying in, instead of going out to dinner or doing activities I love. Finally, he expects me to be supportive of all his interests even though he is rather indifferent to mine. I have discussed my issues with him on several occasions to no avail. At times he does change but the change is never permanent, as he always ends up reverting back to his old ways. What should I do?

Dear CL

It sounds like he is a little selfish. Maybe you should discuss seeing other people. You are really young and sound like you feel like you’re missing out on things by staying in with him instead of going out. Even though speaking from experience, you are not missing a damn thing. I’ll go out to see friends who work in local clubs and see the many of the same people I’ve seen for the last 15 years still doing the same shit. It’s kind of sad to see someone in their 30’s or 40’s still getting shit-faced every weekend and puking in clubs. Most even say the same stupid excuse, “I’m young at heart.” I guess that sounds better than, “well I’m an alcoholic with nothing but my bartender in my life.” But you’re young and it’s good to go out and sew some oats and see this for yourself. At the very least you may find someone else who has more in common with you.

Dear Rocco,

For the past five months now, my husband has not had any proper relations with me. We try, but every time we get to that point, he goes down like he is no longer interested. It makes me feel like he is no longer interested or attracted to me. I want to know what I can do to help him out. He does seem to feel a bit ashamed of it happening, but instead of talking to me about it, he just grabs his pillow and heads off to the other room. We have been together for six years now and nothing like this has ever happened before. I seriously doubt he is getting some on the side either because when he is not at work, he is here at home with me.

Dear DF

He may have ED. Hell there are so many commercials on TV that say millions of men are affected by erectile dysfunction and shouldn’t be ashamed, he may be one of the millions. You can try to spice things up a bit or take him to the doctor and get some pills to make him hard as a rock. The little blue pill is helping limp dicks all over fuck like world champions.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Taking Back the Ex, Drunk Boyfriends and More

Dear Rocco,

My ex and I broke up a little while ago. While he has started dating someone else I know he still has strong feelings for me. How can I get him back when I know he really wants me and I him?

Dear LP

Talk to him. If he does have strong feelings for you then he may just be waiting to see if you have the same.

Dear Rocco,

I was married for 12 years and now single for almost 9 years. I've been "dating" this man for what will be three months this coming week. The first month was all good. He has a great sense of humor and we laughed a lot. He's attentive and loving. But this last month has been a struggle. For the first time, at my company Christmas party, I saw him after drinking too much. He became almost belligerent and was irrational. He said things to me he had never said before and went home angry. Also, in the last couple of weeks, I have had money taken. No proof it's him, but my gut is not happy. And I am finding it very difficult to progress or even be around him knowing he could be the one who took the money. He sees how I am very upset and trying to deal but his concern seems to be why aren't I more loving towards him? What do I do? I don't have proof and I did begin to care about him......but I don't know how to move forward or if I even should?

Dear VB

Ask him if he borrowed some money for you. If you don't ask that question it will irritate you until you finally break up with him. I don't know the guy but if you're getting bad feelings towards this guy then you need to act on your gut feelings. He may be a nut with a drinking problem and it's time to find someone new.

Dear Rocco,

I am an attractive single woman who became depressed because of the man who I thought would have been my perfect man. A couple of months ago I attended a friend's wedding out of town, during the wedding I got introduced to a man (very good looking, successful and in his early 30s). We spent few hours talking and by the end of the wedding we left together, along with his sister who was really friendly. After dropping her off we went to a club had few drinks, and he came back to my hotel room we spent the whole night and the morning having sex. He seemed really passionate and sensual; after that we talked about our personal lives and we shared things together, I felt really connected to him; as if I wanted more than a one night stand. We kept calling each other for a couple of weeks after returning back to my city, everything was great until he suddenly stopped picking up my calls and never replies to any of my text messages. I am so confused and I don't

know why he shut me out of his life all out of the blue. was he just pretending so I won't think he was up for the sex only?

Dear SF

Yeah he was probably just bullshitting you to get laid. Weddings are a great place to pick up women because emotions are running wild, usually drinks are served and everyone is dressed nice. Easy pickings for guys on the prowl. If he stopped talking to you then to Hell with him so you need to move on with your life and find a nice guy who is looking for more than a lay.

Dear Rocco,

I met this gal I really like and we?ve gone out a few times. Ive invited her over to my place for the first time with the offer to cook her dinner. You being the man about town, what is a good meal to fix that I can't screw up that will still impress her? Any suggestions?

Dear DC

Hell I don't know. Cook her a grilled cheese or a hot dog. I don't know what she likes or what you can do in the kitchen.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Freaky Fetishes, Deadbeats & More

Dear Rocco,

I love my husband. We have a great life, good jobs, a home, even a good sex life to a degree…. Over the past couple of months, I don’t know why, but he’s gotten kind of freaky. We wants to dress up like me and have me tie him up. I’m not really into that kind of stuff and it makes me uncomfortable. What should I do? Should I let him hire a dominatrix and see if she can “beat” it out of him so we might regain some sense of normalcy in the bedroom? Help!

Dear CS

Indulge him a little and let him in on your freaky side. Relationships are give and take but if his freakish fetishes get too much for you then tell him you’re not comfortable with whatever the freaky fuck wants to do.

Dear Rocco,

My loving husband snapped a picture of me while I was still asleep. I wasn’t wearing any makeup and I think I was actually drooling (I was really tired). He took the photo and posted it on Twitter. I started to get tweets for some unknown reason until he told me. I had him pull the picture. He got a good laugh. I’m not happy.

Dear KP

He sounds like an ass. You can either act like an adult and torture him for a few months until he realizes he messed up or pay him back.

Dear Rocco,

I was subletting a bedroom at a buddy of mine’s apartment. We agreed upon price and I paid my share until I lost my job and fell behind. He is now blaming me for a pending eviction and the power being cut off. I talked to the landlord and they said no rent has been paid at all for three months. I have only lived there two and am only a half payment behind. My buddy, now my ex buddy has been running me down to all our friends even though he’s made no attempt to pay rent even before I moved in. When I asked him about it he said it was none of my business and to get my stuff and get out. Who’s in the wrong here?

Dear FH

Your ex-buddy is an idiot and you need to get away from his dumb ass. If your friends have half a brain they will see through the bullshit.

Dear Rocco,

I am tired of deadbeat friends always asking to borrow money to help them out of financial jams. Am I the only person with a job who knows how to handle my money? I feel bad and they try to make me feel guilty but I don’t think I should be everyone’s personal bank. I’ve got bills too, yet they don’t seem to understand or care – it’s all about them.

Dear LV

I know how you feel. I have friends who try the same with me. Sometimes you just have to say no. Maybe they will start to manage their money better if you stop bailing them out of financial trouble.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Gifts, the BCS and Dog Killers

Dear Rocco,

Another Christmas has come and gone and yet again I am under-whelmed. It seems that all the presents I received or my friends got came directly out of a sales circular that was in the paper. No thought or consideration what the person they are buying for, just what was the hot sales item. Am I a grinch? I thought the purpose of buying a gift was to be something you thought they would like or compliments their lifestyle, not because it was at an incredibly low price. Or am I screwed in the head?

Dear TG

Hell at least you got presents, I didn’t get shit! I agree to a point with you. A person shouldn’t buy a gift for someone just because it’s on sale. A gift should be something someone wants or can use. There has to be meaning behind the gift.

Dear Rocco,

Who do you think will win the BCS championship between Auburn and Oregon? Should I take your advice to a bookie?

Dear JK

I wouldn’t bet on this game because both teams are explosive. I think if Auburn hits them hard and doesn’t let up they will win but if they slack off in the second half Oregon will come back and win due to their conditioning. It should be a good game.

Dear Rocco,

I am 19 years old and slept with this guy I work with who I thought was cool and liked me. After he slept with me he quit returning my calls and texts. I didn’t want to make a scene at work because I didn’t want either of us to lose our job, but I cornered him late on night after we closed when he gave me the shocking news. He told me he was gay. I was floored and asked him why did he sleep with me if he was gay. He said he wanted to make sure. Now I feel kind of weird that I may have made him gay. Help!

Dear SB

Honey, you didn’t make him gay. If he is gay he was gay long before you came into his life. Look at it like this now you have a shopping buddy.

Dear Rocco,

How come Michael Vick is welcomed back to the NFL with open arms and all forgiven for his dog fighting ring and gambling and Pete Rose still not in Cooperstown. Nobody lost their lives directly over his gambling habits.

Dear DW

I think politics and the fear of political correctness scares the Hell out of the NFL. Let’s face it Pete Rose deserves to be in Cooperstown more than most of the men there. Lets not forget when Michael Jordan got banned from the NBA for 2 years and did the baseball thing for gambling on basketball games. Michael Vick is a turd but he did his time and is a Hell of an athlete. Rose, Jordan and Vick all made mistakes and to some point paid their debts to society so I think they deserve the credit due to each of them. Rose and Jordan both deserve to be in their respected halls of fame and if Vick keeps playing like he is then he also deserves the honor. Let’s be honest, no professional athletes are saints and all make mistakes but some have those special talents that deserve recognition. The best are honored for their athletic abilities and not their behavior. I am NOT condoning their behavior but I do believe in second chances.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Why Can't We All Get Along?

Dear Rocco,

Why can’t we all just get along?

Dear ID

Because there are too many stupid fuckers in the world who irritate normal people.

Dear Rocco,

I’ve got a date with a girl I’ve been crushing on for some time. Help! Where should I take her? What should I do? I don’t want to screw this thing up. Also, should I bring flowers when I pick her up or is that too old-fashioned?

Dear KR

Yeah what the Hell take her flowers. You can get a dozen roses at Fresh Market for 8.99 and it is old fashioned but she may like it. Ask her where she wants to go. Make the evening all about her and she will appreciate the fact you want to please her by doing what she wants to do.

Dear Rocco,

Can a guy be upset if his girlfriend cheats on him if he has a history of cheating on all his former girlfriends but has been faithful to her? Why or why not?

Dear GW

Karma is a bitch. Yes he should be mad that she cheated on him but now he knows how his former girlfriends felt. I think the best thing is to move on and remember how shitty it feels so he won’t do it again. Let’s face it, if someone cheats trust is broken and the relationship wasn’t that good in the first place.

Dear Rocco,

I am 35 and have never married and have no kids, I have always been the type of girl that would have short affairs. However last year I met a married man who came into where I work I am an exotic dancer, he offered me $500 to spend the night with him and I said yes we have been seeing each other for a year now. We have a great time when we are together he flies me sometimes just for dinner then back home the next day. I have to tell you that he is on his third wife. I don't know what to do? I can see myself with him forever. Please help me...

Dear SL

So you’re a high priced hooker? He is paying you to fuck him then sends you away so his third wife doesn’t see you sounds like you’ve found your Prince Charming. What the Hell are you thinking? If you’re fine with being his whore keep seeing him but if you think that you are the only one and you have a future with this guy you’re fucking stupid. Break it off with him and see if he tries to make up. I don’t think he will but most likely you will be just a memory to him. You have to have a little more self-respect than to fuck a guy for $500.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Deadbeats, Political Correctness and More

Dear Rocco,

I find myself in a financial situation because I helped a few people who I thought where my friends out when they needed it. To date they have made no real attempt to pay me back and quite frankly I’m broke now because of them. I’ve done business, socialized with these people for years and now they have screwed me. I want my money back now and it is all falling on deaf ears – no excuses, just blanks stares like I am an idiot. Why are people like this? Is my only resort to take legal action? I wanted to avoid it, but no it looks like I’m left with no other option.

Dear LM

You have to take in mind how much money you’re owed verses how much money it would take to hire an attorney. Would it be worth it? I know how you feel. I’ve been screwed by friends over money in the past and am still trying to resolve the issue. If I can think of something to help I’ll let you know.

Dear Rocco,

I’m sick and tired of all this political correct crap. What makes someone who is fat say they are big boned? Why can’t we just call the dumb people stupid, fat people fat and criminals crooks and be done with it.

Dear ES

I don’t know. Let’s just blame it on the liberal Democrats. The truth hurts sometimes but it’s still the truth.

Dear Rocco,

What are you hoping to get this Christmas?

Dear SC

I never really get anything for Christmas. I guess I would like to get some peace and quiet.

Dear Rocco,

I’ve read you advice for quite some time in these articles. From all your relationship advice you’ve given over time I have a question for you. Are you still a virgin or do you not get laid much?

Dear JR

I get laid whenever I want. I have two women I care about and have unusual relationships with but it works for us. From the tone of your question I’m guessing you’re one of the shits I’ve cock-blocked or have forced to treat women with a little respect and hurt your “game”. It’s not hard to get laid; it’s harder to find someone who you enjoy enough for a serious relationship. I thank you for your concern about my sex life but worry about yourself…Mine is great!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

She-Devils, New Years Dates, SEC Losers and More

Dear Rocco,

A good friend of mine is dating a she-devil. He used to be one of those guys that played the field and never seemed like the type to settle down until he met his current girlfriend. She in turn is a female version of him. She has cheated on him numerous times, even flaunting it in front of him and he begs HER for forgiveness and asks her to take him back. There have been plenty she has cheated on him with and he and I got into a fight over the fact. I don’t know what to do. Should I bust this girl for all her transgressions or let things be and hope for him ignorance is bliss. This is not like him at all, and to be honest he’s done better.

Dear HG

I think you should stay out of it. If she pisses you off and starts ruining your friends life then you can intervene but otherwise I would stay out of it.

Dear Rocco,

What are you doing for the holidays? While I have never met you, by reading your advice I find you quite alluring. I was wondering if you would be my date this New Years. I’ve included a current picture of myself in hopes of convincing you.

Dear SC

I’m probably not going to do anything…I may go to Rhythm n Brews for a little bit but I’m not making any plans but thanks anyway.

Dear Rocco,

How come the SEC does so well in football when if you look at NFL rosters there aren’t that many marquee players on offense other than Peyton Manning?

Dear BB

They beat each other up in college so much that they are damaged goods in the pros. However there are a few like Foster, Whitten, Ohr, Meachem and Henderson to make an impact on the NFL.

Dear Rocco,

People complain about needing a job and whenever I hire someone they seem to quit a few weeks into it. They seem to think they deserve to start off at a higher salary than I make and quite frankly act privileged despite the fact they need to earn a living. What kind of person is too lazy to work when offered a job. It’s not like they’re doing anything else.

Dear DK

They are dumb asses.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Charities, Ex-Girlriends and More

Dear Rocco,
Have we been getting screwed for a long time or what? Every restaurant is now offering meals for two for under $20 and every fast food restaurant is offering 99¢ menus and cheap, cheap, cheap combos, and the pizza places are selling their stuff for half price. I know the economy has been bad but does this all mean we have been getting gouged for all these years?
BB
Dear BB
Yes we have been getting screwed for decades. Restaurants are still making profits even with half price meals.

Dear Rocco,
With the holiday season come a million and one charities trying to get their hands into my pocket. How can I tell which ones are legit and does all the money raised actually go to the charities they are pushing?
SJ

Dear SJ
I only give to St. Jude or T.C. Thompson or other charities who are well established and the 100% of the money donated goes to the charity itself. Research the charities you are interested in thoroughly before you donate because many are scams or half assed like the Humane Society.

Dear Rocco,
My mom is dating a guy I don’t really like. I mean he’s okay, but he’s not really that cool. My mom has this other friend I wish she’d go out with instead. He’s been really cool with e and we talk and text all the time. My mom likes him as a friend but is afraid to let go of this other guy because of the time she has invested with him. When she’s out with the other guy, I can tell she really likes it as she really seems to light up and have a good time and is more comfortable. It’s also fun to hang out with them whereas with the other guy it’s only tolerable. How can I convince mom to go out with the guy I like better?
IT

Dear IT
Talk with her. It sounds like your mom has become content with the guy you’re not fond of and is afraid if she takes a chance with her friend and it doesn’t work out she will lose not only a boyfriend but also a great friend. Sometimes that fear is too much for someone to take the chance without a little help and support from a loved one.

Dear Rocco,
Why do I care who my ex-girlfriend dates? I seem to always get jealous (always keeping it inside) when I see her out with other guys. Since we broke up she has kept in constant contact with me although we no longer have sex or anything like that. Not sure if I still have feelings for her, after all I was the one that broke it off with her. What’s my problem?
DH

Dear DH
You’re a dumbass and not over her yet.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Good Girls, Friends With Benefits & More

Dear Rocco,

Who would you rather date? A good girl who is kind of boring but loyal and true or a real knockout and fun girl that you’ll have to constantly keep an eye on?

Dear PE

Stupid question. I would rather have the good girl. Loyalty is a trait very important to me.

Dear Rocco,

Why is it the law only applies to some people and not others? How can I take the rules of society serious when there are those out there getting away with some bad stuff and no one seems to care and the ones that do can’t do a thing about it?

Dear JG

Unfortunately, if you have enough money or the means to get money you can get away with murder just as O.J. Judges are politicians and need money and influential people on their side to keep their jobs so their integrity can be highly questionable and up for the highest bidder.

Dear Rocco,

I dated this girl for a while only to reach the realization she was a self-absorbed crazy. Last year she and her best friend got into an argument and they stopped being friends. My ex’s friend called me up one night and asked me to hang out with her at her house. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with her. A few days later, this former best friend of my ex tells me she’s engaged. She wears this weird short-haired wig while she breaks off our friends-with-benefits relationship. The thing is, I connected better with her in the two weeks we hung out than I did with my ex in months. Please help me figure out if I should never talk to either one of them again. I’m not a smart man but I do know what love is.

Dear FG

All right Forrest, stay the Hell away from both girls. You’ve found two crazy bitches and are blinded by pussy. You need to find a girl who wasn’t friends with your ex and is halfway normal and you need to find her fast.

Dear Rocco,

I really like this boy who I work with and I’m pretty sure that he fancies me. We’re both single and are constantly flirting with each other. I think we should give a relationship a go, but I’m afraid that it might ruin our friendship. Everyone who knows us has already said that we should be going out and are an ideal couple. I get along with his friends and really think that it could work. What should I do?

Dear HS

Take a chance. A relationship sounds like it would work for you two. I don’t think you will ruin your friendship but will expand it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Charities, People I Hate and More

Dear Rocco,

Do you think it’s right to profit from someone’s death? Between the Jacksons and sudden tragedies with questionable fundraisers to help those unfortunate it seems like money is the main reason a lot of this stuff is done and not to honor the dead. Any thoughts?

Dear CD

It is not right to profit off someone death. Unfortunately I do think some people use the death of someone to profit behind a trumped up foundation or memorial fund.

Dear Rocco,

I worked for a family friend for many years until a little disagreement with a co-worker and my friend took the side of the person I was having the disagreement with. I heard recently that this person was fired and my now former friend was lamenting the fact he took sides in this situation. I don’t know what I want to do. Should I rub it in his face, try to make up or just move on? Any thoughts?

Dear FC

I think you should try to make up and move on. Everyone makes mistakes and very few mistakes should be held against someone for life. If you had good working relations with this guy then you should try it again.

Dear Rocco,

I hate the people I work with but love my job. Will you shoot them for me?

Dear DW

No…We all work with people who suck but we have to put up with them if we enjoy our jobs. Try to concentrate on the job and not the assholes you work with. Do NOT KILL ANYONE!!!

Dear Rocco,

Two days ago my boss let me out of my shift early. I tried calling my boyfriend on the phone but he didn’t answer. When I got home and opened the door to our apartment, I found him standing in front of our full-length mirror in my panties. He slammed the door shut and locked it before I registered what I saw. I was surprised, sure, but I was more surprised that when he opened the door back up, fully dressed (in his own clothes), he acted as though it never happened. We’ve always had an open and fun relationship, both sexually and emotionally, so I was thrown by this secretive behavior. I’ve always showed willingness and interest in experimentation. I can’t understand why he’d keep this from me. Should I say something to him, or better yet, do something to show that I’m not turned off? Or do I continue to follow his lead and say nothing at all?

Dear TB

Talk to the freak about it. If it turns you on when he wears your panties then good for you both. Hell go to Victoria’s Secret and go wild but you need to talk about his behavior. I mean you might want to know if you’re going to come home to find him bent over in front of a guy tearing his ass up. If he is just a tranny then your relationship has a chance but if he is gay then you need to move on with your life.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

MMA, Baby Daddies and More

Dear Rocco,

Who do you think would win an MMA battle between Brock Lesner and Muhammed Ali in his prime and why?

Dear MG

That’s apples and oranges Lesner is an MMA fighter and Ali a boxer. In their prime, I believe Ali would wear Lesner down and win. I don’t think many people today can appreciate the beatings Ali could take and the man had a Hell of a punch that could catch you by surprise.

Dear Rocco,

I am the lucky mama of one darling baby and oh, how I treasure every moment! Unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on how you look at it—the baby’s daddy does not follow suit on treasuring every moment. Baby’s daddy lives in another state. He left while I was still pregnant and did not attend our child’s birth. Though he proclaims via e-mails every six or so weeks to care for his child, he does not pay child support, nor has he seen his baby since mere weeks after birth (our baby is now over one). He has never even called to find out how his child is doing. My question is this: am I obligated to send pictures and keep him updated about his child since he sends somewhat pitiful e-mails every couple of months about himself?

Dear FH

No I think you should send him a notice of child support. Make the deadbeat son-of-a-bitch pay for his child!

Dear Rocco,

I’m kind of new in school and I want to make friends. All I ever hear is “just be yourself” and “just be friendly” and it’s not that easy in 9th grade. Everyone already has their own cliques and groups and they exclude me from everything. Everyone already knows who they’re going to pair up with in science class, while I’m stuck with an anti-social kid who picks his nose. I really want to make friends and I don’t know what to do. Can you please help me?

Dear WS

You left a big one out, you have to relax. Friends will come to you in time. Sooner or later a common interest or activity will bond you with a group. Just don’t do anything stupid like drugs and alcohol or hating the world shit like the dumbasses at Columbine.

Dear Rocco,

I have been playing music almost all of my life. I started playing piano and then was in the church choir. I learned to play guitar and became for all intensive purposes a local rock god. My band became somewhat popular and did some minor tours. I have decided to leave the band and pursue a private life after all those years on the road and never quite making that jump into the big time. My question for you is kind of shallow according to some. Do you think the girls will still like me now that I’m no longer in a rock band?

Dear MS

The good one’s will but the groupie whores may not have anything to do with you anymore. That will probably be better for you anyway with the STD’s going around the club scene.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Hanger-ons, Social Networkers and More

Dear Rocco,

Do rich people have any real friends? Most of the people that I know that actually are well off financially always seemed to be followed around by what I call hanger-ons, always looking for free stuff, the next party and usually slinging more attitude than the guy with all the money. Why are things that way?

Dear NF

Because people allow it to be that way. If people with money would stick up for themselves the freeloaders would disappear. The world is full of assholes.

Dear Rocco,

In this age of Facebook and Twitter, how are we supposed to get over our exes (who we’re trying to be friends with) while being slammed with status updates and tweets?

Dear SD

I don’t know, grow up and don’t fuck with bullshit like Facebook and Twitter. I hate that shit. Most of Facebook is fake shit any way. It’s for people who don’t have true friends to talk with or listen to them.

Dear Rocco,

A few years ago, I met a significantly older man. We’re talking 15 years older. At the time we met he was firmly attached to a woman. I fell for him and then I tried my best to let go, but we kept in touch, and recently he told me that he broke up with his longtime partner. We’ve been out a few times and romantic-relationship-type activities have occurred. I really, really like him a lot. But I’m hesitant. It’s not only that I’m so much younger than he is, it’s also that I’ve never had a relationship anywhere near as serious as the one he had with his former girlfriend. Plus, he’s all messed up from what happened with his last relationship. In spite of all this, I can’t help but wonder if he’s the right one for me. I really want to find the right guy, and he could be it, but I’m trying to protect myself. Rocco, what’s wrong with me?

Dear EC

The only way to find out if he is right for you is to give it a chance. He is going to be fucked-up a bit but eventually will get over his ex. You have to be willing to take a chance with him if you want to know.

Dear Rocco,

Dear SK

Try it. Friends make great couples and the best relationships start as friendships.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Mama's Boys, Dreams and More

Dear Rocco,

I'm just wondering what should a person do when they have made every effort to fulfill their dreams and it just doesn't pan out. How many times would you suggest to a person to pick themselves up and try again. For me I have tried so many times to make my life work the way I want it to, go with the career I want, and I am met with failure after failure. I have studied and found my faith and followed the advice of all the "gurus" who say to follow your dreams and I am now down to my last dollar. I feel like its over. Even if I had any faith left, I wouldn't know where to turn.

Dear TM

Sometimes you have to re-evaluate your dreams and get on with your life. Dreams are great but when they are detrimental to your wellbeing you need to change them. Life is made up of dreams and I believe like life dreams can change over time.

Dear Rocco,

Who would you rather date? A crazy woman who is a lot of fun and picks up the tab, a really hot model type with expensive taste or an attractive girl with moderate taste but never has a dime to their name?

Dear KT

None of the three. I would rather date someone who likes me for me and I like her for who she is.

Dear Rocco,

My son started kindergarten this year, and he's having a very hard time adjusting to being away from home. To make matters worse, his classmates are teasing him because on the first day, he cried about being homesick. I don't get why the children are so relentless, but countless times my son has come home in tears from the teasing. I've discussed home schooling as an option with my husband and with the school counselor, but I don't want to take him away from school too soon, because he could turn around and start to enjoy it. It's only two months into the school year, after all. I would appreciate any insight you can offer. Please help!

Dear EL

Don’t take him out of school or he will remain a pussy for life. He will adjust and things will get better. He has to learn how to deal with adversity and he will not get that at home.

Dear Rocco,

Hi, I'm 50 years old and now what? My marriage stinks. I want a divorce but he threatens me that he will ruin my credit and if I leave him he will hunt me down. Please don't tell me to go to a safe haven. I have three cats and a dog, I'm not dumping them. I also have a house full of antiques. What is the best way to get them out? He doesn't work. And he won't let me work or have friends .My family lives in another state.

Dear DB

Remove his loser ass from every account you have with him. Once you remove him from your joint account then your credit will be safe. While you are doing this get an attorney, an order of protection and a gun. If you have all three you will be fine. The guy sounds like a nut and you need to be careful.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

BBWs and More

Dear Rocco,

I'm in a relationship with a guy I'd been friends with before for about 2 years. I'm the sort of person who abhors the idea of “moving in together” because I’m quite territorial and like to remain separate in all things. He’s discussed this with me before and I have flatly refused, but circumstances have caused that to change. I live with my sister in a house that she owns. She is moving out of the country and that would leave the full rent to me. Her mortgage is much more than I afford by myself and I would need to find a roommate or she will have to sell her house and I'd be on the street or living in a dangerous neighborhood. The idea of a roommate is scary and my sister has suggested that my boyfriend move in and help take care of the rent. My ideal situation is that he would stay in a separate room and be my “roommate”. I know this is illogical and unfair to him though. So basically, the situation is: find a potentially unfavorable roommate (and all of the drama that comes with it), move out and into a dangerous neighborhood (because of financial reasons), or face a very unhappy time living with my boyfriend. What do I do?

Dear BW

Your best choice, I think is to move in with your boyfriend. He probably won’t steal from you or kill you in your sleep. If you can live with your sister you should be able to live with him.

Dear Rocco,

Why has this country become so obsessed with overweight women? Now they are being called BBW (big beautiful woman). Why are we glamorizing an unhealthy lifestyle and trying to put a pretty face or a lot of makeup on a bad thing? I know some can’t help being big because of genetics but there are so many out there now with an attitude that haven’t said no to a second or third helping at the dinner table either. What gives?

Dear JH

I think enough tubbies have gained power in the media and have been able to put a favorable spin on things. There are some very pretty larger women who cannot help their weight and are happy with who they are. Most are unhappy and have complexes with weight issues, which makes them miserable. I don’t think obesity should be glamorized or ostracized. I think more emphasis should be placed on healthy living.

Dear Rocco,

I was widowed six years ago, I dated for awhile, re-married and recently divorced my second husband. I am tired of men. Nothing they do appeals to me. I just want to spend time with my kids, and be me for awhile. I realize how much my past relationships exhausted me. Its nice not having to cater to a man. The problem is, one of my best friends is in love with me. (a man) and I love him too, I know he would be good to me and my children...but I don't want to get into another relationship right now. He says he will wait, and he is extremely patient...but in my mind's eye, it’s as if I see him tapping his foot and looking at his watch. I take this a day at a time. I talk to my friend nearly every day, and we do have feelings...but I am happy just being me for a while. I don't think I need advice, it would just be nice to know what your take on this is.”

Dear JP

Relax if the guy really loves you then he will wait. Don’t panic or rush into things. I think you do need to be yourself for a while. There is nothing wrong with being single. You need to enjoy life the way you want.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Bad Boys, Dog Killers and More

Dear Rocco,

I’m sick of this Michael Vick lovefest I’ve been seeing on TV and reading about in all the newspapers and magazines the last month. Hs everyone already forgotten what he did to all those dogs? Sure, he went to jail for 18 months, but people seem more concerned about how he play football than his reckless disregard for a life, no matter how minor. Are football fans just that stupid or what? I can’t understand it.

Dear JM

It’s Philly. They need a winning football team. McNabb won but seemed to tease the city with false hopes of a championship. I agree with you Michael Vick was and is highly overrated as a quarterback. Unless he learned to read a defensive secondary in prison he will still be the same hack he was when he came into the league…fast but stupid.

Dear Rocco,

Do all women dig bad boys instead of a good guy? It seems that all I can attract are plus-size women and terminally unemployed women who have nothing going for them, while the best looking women I know date all these bad-ass kind of guys who in the long term they have no future with. What do I have to do? Get a few tats and start wearing leather?

Dear YG

Couldn’t hurt. I don’t get it either. I have come to think women, in some sick and twisted way, enjoy being treated like shit. If you look hard you might be able to find one who doesn’t have her head up her ass.

Dear Rocco,

I was dating and living with this girl for over a year when she decided to move out. Despite moving out she still called and texted me all the time, but would only meet for coffee and rarely before dark. And while she tells me I need to spread my wings and meet other people, when I do she gets visibly upset. It’s like she’s passing judgment on everyone I see. When I ask her to have dinner with me, she puts me off. What gives?

Dear DC

She is selfish. She tells you all this bullshit like spreading wings to justify her getting used by every barroom Romeo but then when you go out and hook up she gives you more shit. She keeps you hanging by a thread as her fall back guy or her rock. She needs to grow up before she loses you.

Dear Rocco,

I have been dating this guy that is so smart. He’s actually has his doctorate. He’s a sweetheart and loveable but very socially awkward. I, on the other hand have always gotten by on my looks. I was wondering if you think this relationship has any future. We don’t really have much in common other than we treat each other well. I’m worried he’ll become bored with me and think of me only as a trophy girlfriend.

Dear KC

Opposites attract. If you treat each other well and there are true emotions and feelings involved then you have nothing to worry about. It’s difficult to find someone who loves you for who you are.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Eating Issues, On Again Off Again Relationships & More

Dear Rocco,

I am in a relationship with a girl, which has been going totally great. But recently, I noticed that she is eating less and less, saying that she wants to be thinner. I try to explain to her that she doesn't need to lose weight, and if she needed to, that wouldn't be the way to do it, but she says that she feels that she has to. How can I make her realize that anorexia is not the solution?

Dear PL

Show her all the information on anorexia you can find. Anorexia is a serious disease that can be deadly. Do whatever it takes to get the point across to her. She needs to get help.

Dear Rocco,

HELP!!! What should I do about a great co-worker (who sits in the cube right next to me) who has a chronic cough? (I’m convinced her cough is OCD related). If that weren’t enough, she clears her throat CONSTANTLY!!! It’s driving me CRAZY! She coughs AND clears her throat at least every 30 seconds all day long! (No kidding…I’ve counted!) About a year ago, I spoke to her very, very politely about her cough. I suggested she see a doctor about it. She was in disbelief that she even coughs and looked at me like I had 2 heads. She was in total denial. Of course, she did nothing about it. (soon after I realized she was clearing her throat all day long as well!) She has a family also, so I would assume they notice it and wonder if they’ve spoken to her about it.

We work in a stressful business and it’s extremely hard to concentrate with her coughing/clearing her throat hundreds of times a day! I’ve tried listening to music with headphones on, but I can still hear her coughing and clearing her throat! Please, please help me…and my co-worker! PS: Sitting somewhere else will not solve the problem as she can be heard throughout our office.

Dear FG

Sounds like you’re screwed. Try using earplugs with the headphones. If that doesn’t work record her coughing and throat clearing and play it back for her.

Dear Rocco,

I’m in my early 30s. I’ve been in a serious relationship with the same guy for six years—on and off (the “off” portion taking place when I was younger). I have been very distracted and have been second-guessing the relationship for a while now, but I can’t come to grips with losing this person that seems to be right for me permanently—and of course I don’t want to break his heart. Then again, I don’t want to settle and have regrets later in life. I feel like we want different things out of life and we have different interests—but I just can’t decide! I have talked to him about my feelings for the record, but to no avail. We went on this little “break,” but god knows breaks never work. Basically, my biggest fear is being alone and never finding anyone that measures up. It doesn’t help that my closest friends have settled down with their boyfriends and many have married. Honestly, I feel like marriage and that kind of commitment represents a loss of personal identity…I’m not sure why. But I would love your advice. Please help!

Dear LC

It sounds like you are very fucked up. It also sounds like you need a new boyfriend who has more in common with you. Stop worrying about being alone and go out and live your life.

Dear Rocco,

Can government be trusted any more?

Dear MC

No government cannot be trusted.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Spank You Very Much

Dear Rocco,

When is this country going to get its act together and legalize marijuana? It seems the jail is full of a bunch of dudes and chicks with the munchies and no other real problems. Think of the money we as a country could make if it were legal and legislated properly – no bad drugs, extra tax income. Heck we could probably pay of our national debt in a couple of years. Prohibition didn’t work for liquor and I think it doesn’t work for pot. Any thoughts?

Dear JH

I agree it should be legalized and regulated. It would save law enforcement a Hell of a lot of paperwork. I think it will be legalized in my lifetime but the older politicians will have to be gone from power. I’ve never smoked it, can’t stand the smell, but I don’t think it’s any more dangerous than alcohol or prescription medication.

Dear Rocco,

I have been going out with my boyfriend for five months and we have a really good time together, both in and out of the bedroom, except for one thing - he keeps asking if he can spank me. I find the whole idea a bit ridiculous and a turn-off. What should I do?

Dear BT

Hell let the freak spank you. You may like it if not then don’t do it again. Let him get it out of his system.

Dear Rocco,

I'm having a self-esteem/confidence crisis. Recently, a friend of two years who I was getting closer with just dropped me like a rock through a text message. I'm single again, but it's more than that. I'm 25 and have yet to be in a real relationship, I'm very uncomfortable talking to strange women (and it's obvious to everyone), I have like this aura around me that tells people I'm single, and seems to tell girls that my confidence isn't good and I'm uninteresting. The other thing is that it scares me to realize that a women's interest level can work like a switch and go from on to off if they think someone better comes around. It doesn't give me much confidence that if another girl falls into the picture, the same thing won't happen. So my question for you is how can I really improve my self-esteem and confidence given these things. I know its something you can Google, or read in a book, but I feel I need professional help. I desperately want to be able to date like a normal person, but I'm scared I'm heading down the road of the 40 year old virgin.

Dear JM

Jesus Christ just grow some balls and ask a girl or two out. You win some and lose some but you have to stay in the game.

Dear Rocco,

I have been seeing a guy, for a while now. He is not my boy friend but we spend a lot of time together. Problem is he refuses to kiss me. Don't get me wrong we have done everything else but kiss. I'm 22 and he is 24, and he says he doesn't kiss because he did it so much in high school that he got tired of it. How do people get tired of kissing. I'm desperate, we have had many arguments over the issue and I don't want to just go ahead and kiss him cause he obviously doesn't want to and I don't want to feel like I'm disrespecting him. I feel we are in the movie pretty women except he's the prostitute and I'm just the girl, since he won't kiss. What can I do? I mean is he just afraid of getting emotionally attached if he kisses me? or could he be BI. I mean a guy at his age should be more mature about things. Well please help this is really bothering me.

Dear PK

I don’t know if he is bi or not. Maybe he thinks he isn’t good at kissing and thinks you wont like him as much. Then again he could just be an asshole who is afraid of getting emotionally attached. You can tell him he has to start warming you up with kisses before he gets anything else. Even an asshole will comply if he thinks he will get laid.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Bar Whores Heismans and More

Dear Rocco,

Why do people think that all girls that work in a bar are morally devoid and whore? Sure we sell drinks and at times use our feminine wiles to sell more drinks and encourage tipping but I’ve never dated a patron. I don’t sleep around and I’m actually enrolled in college. What gives?

Dear MW

You have your coworkers to thank for that stigma. Most are living a “party” lifestyle and unfortunately you suffer because of their actions. If you aren’t doing that then don’t worry about it or take it personally.

Dear Rocco,

What’s the big deal with all the sex tapes. It seems that everyone is making one these days. What am I missing out on? Am I missing out anything? What if I don’t want to see myself having sex? Quite honestly I’m just glad I get to be a part of it.

Dear LC

You probably aren’t missing out on a thing. If you aren’t a celebrity whose career is in trouble or a whorish socialite then your tape wouldn’t sell.

Dear Rocco,

Reggie Bush surrendered his Heisman Trophy. What do you think should be done with it? Do you think it should go to Vince Young, a revote or keep the award blank and why?

Dear ML

I thought Reggie Bush was overrated anyway. He was a good back but I don’t think the level of competition he faced in the PAC10 was comparable to the other candidates. Hell, I don’t even remember who was up for the award. I think politics has polluted the award lately, meaning it goes to the guy whose school does the best PR. If I was one of the guys up for the award and didn’t get it I wouldn’t want it by default. I would leave it vacant.

Dear Rocco,

I am a girl in my early twenties and a few weeks ago I went on a trip to Las Vegas with friends. On the last night of my trip I met a great guy and we spent all of that night together. It has been a few weeks and we are still talking. There has been talk about me going to visit. He has a busy schedule and is saving money. I have the job that will let me take time off and money is not an issue for me. My friends say I should not fly all that way to see a boy but I think it would be fun and a bit of an adventure. Am I crazy for wanting to go back to visit him?

Dear BF

If you like him and it doesn’t interfere with your work schedule, go for it. You may have met the guy of your dreams. If not you’ll have an experience or two that will probably be memorable. You’re still young and supposed to be a little crazy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The Perfect Girl, Cabin Fever and More

Dear Rocco,

You treat a girl like gold and she craps on you and they walk over you. You be an ass to them and they will follow you around. All my friends have told me this for years. I didn’t believe it until I started seeing this one gal. Things started great and then we fell into a routine. The nicer I was to her, the more flowers, trinkets I brought her the bigger a bitch she became. Finally fed up I told her off and kicked her to the curb. Now she calls me obsessively wanting to work things out. The more verbally abusive I get, the more turned on she actually gets and I end up getting my way more than I did as a nice guy. What give?

Dear MN

I have no idea. I’ve seen so many girls act that same way and I get shit on myself because I don’t think I could sleep if I were a complete ass to someone I cared about.

Dear Rocco,

Why is it that when you decide to settle on seeing one guy they get cabin fever? I’ve dated around quite a bit. I am in my mid-20s and am not really ready to settle down to just one mate, at least not until I met John. We met through mutual friends and started going out. When I started seeing him I was going out with about three other guys, none of them serious. I started cutting back on the others as the more insistent John became. There’s a special quality about him I can’t describe but none of the others guys I have been seeing have. Well, I started seeing John pretty much exclusively. Now he’s telling me he’s not sure he wants to settle down to seeing one female. What should I do?

Dear GR

Keep talking with him about the matter. If he wants to see other people then maybe you should too.

Dear Rocco,

I am a standup comic or like to consider myself one. I am always the life of the party and decided to try getting on stage. I think I’m funny. I can’t help but laugh at my own jokes even when I’m telling them. I’ve gotten a few opening slots but I still can’t quit my day job. Any suggestions for this funny mofo?

Dear RP

Don’t quit your day job. Any comedian who laughs at his own stuff, I think, is shit.

Dear Rocco,

Why am I considered a geek for liking Star Wars and Star Trek. I take pride in my high IQ and the three languages that I speak fluently, not to mention my eidetic memory I possess. If I am a geek like some say what’s so bad with it since guys like me and Steve Jobs and Bill Gates run the world these days. What the difference of my love of science fiction and those who cheer religiously for their college football team, a school most of them didn’t graduate from?

Dear SC

You are a geek but be proud. The girls who partied with the football fans usually marry the geeks who have the high paying jobs. Geeks tend to be nicer people because of all the shit they have taken from assholes over the years and don’t want to treat others the way they have been treated. You have to be proud of who you are or else no one will be.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Recalls and More

Dear Rocco,

Looks like we’re recalling the mayor? What now? You want the job?

Dear MC

I don’t know now what? Hell no I don’t want the job. I can’t have the job anyway I’m too honest to be the mayor of Chattanooga.

Dear Rocco,

I have a son who is such a perfectionist that he is afraid to try anything because he is afraid he will fail. He has always gotten good grades but now that he is going into high school he won’t take the harder courses or join any clubs or teams that require work because he said he didn’t like losing. He has ability and has always done very well in school. I don’t think this is healthy.

Dear EL

It’s not but he is a teenager and they do stupid shit all the time for stupid reasons. How can you have any fun or win if you don’t risk losing sometimes? Your son’s balls have got to drop or he will be miserable.

Dear Rocco,

I am a new member of a small, local organization. We have an email group. Occasionally a member will post information that has nothing directly to do with the organization, usually political in nature. These political emails and petitions offend me. They in no way reflect my beliefs and politics. What should I do?

Dear HS

Lighten up. People sometime do things, as a joke, because they know it will fire up a friend just to get a reaction. You could post something that says those views in no way reflect the political views of everyone on this site.

Dear Rocco,

I work with a bunch of other women who have become so negative I don't even enjoy going to work anymore. All they do is talk about one another and I wonder what is said about me behind my back! It has become distracting and my boss is involved too, so I can't get any help there. I want to quit my job sometimes, but I don't think I could get another job with the same benefits and pay.

Dear RY

Stick with your job. Who gives a shit what some bitter bitches are saying about you? Do your job and ignore the other women.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

True Love, Crazy Ex's and More

Dear Rocco,

If you had to make the choice, who would you rather date an older attractive woman who was rich, a really attractive younger woman who was poor, or a really hot but crazy chick who was awesome in bed?

Dear TY

If I had my choice it wouldn’t be any of those choices. I want to date someone who I really care about and who cares about me. I’ve had at least one of each of your choices and they don’t compare to someone I care about. I’ve had my fun but it gets old and so am I.

Dear Rocco,

I am bored. Really bored. I can't remember the last time I wasn't bored. I don't know how not to be bored. I cannot break this mind-set. Or is it a condition? Or is it something deeper? I have no idea. For now, it's boredom. My status as a long-term unemployed person has just exacerbated this boredom. I now have seven days a week to deal with it, to suffer from it. Help!

Dear JS

Get some hobbies you depressing fuck! Go for a walk, go workout, read a book do something instead of just sitting on your ass being bored.

Dear Rocco,

My boyfriend broke up with me for a younger girl. He moved her into his house after barely knowing her for more than a couple of weeks. Everybody says she’s a nice girl but I think she’s a slut. Besides, I think I’m better looking and my breasts are real. My now ex-boyfriend is one of those who thinks he can buy whatever and whomever he wants. I want revenge. Any way I can legally get even with this jerk and slut?

Dear MH

Honey, you’re sounding like a psycho. Relax karma will probably take care of them.

Dear Rocco,

Do you think Ron Littlefield should be recalled as mayor? Regardless, who do you think our next mayor should be? I’m hearing Zach Wamp may be interested. Any thoughts on who might be a good candidate?

I think he should. I really don’t know who would be a good candidate. I would like to see an unselfish mayor. Someone who really wants to help the city of Chattanooga and isn’t concerned about what he/she gets in return.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dopey Football Players, Bar Whores and More

Dear Rocco,

I was reading an article the other day about former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell who was recently arrested for having codeine cough syrup without a prescription. The article said he was busted back in 2007 for codeine as well. This might explain his dopey play the past couple of seasons. As a Raiders fan I feel cheated out of the money and games we lost because of his bumbling. If he was busted in 2007 with the stuff why didn’t the Raiders do anything about it? Something needs to be done about the poor housekeeping of that NFL team. What do you think?

Dear RF

Hell all NFL teams need to do some housekeeping. Hell I’m a Raider fan too and I’m glad he is gone. I thought he was another wasted draft pick.

Dear Rocco,

Is there any such thing as an honest politician? If so, name them.

Dear GP

I don’t think so. The only exception maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger because he has more than enough money to turn bribes down.

Dear Rocco,

My girlfriend is a great gal. She’s the girl-next-door type that you would take home to mom. She’s in school working on her degree. Earlier in the summer she took a job at a local bar to make some extra money and work around her school schedule. Well, since she started working at this bar she has been out odd hours after work and has been alienating her old friends to hang out with her new ones, who are quite honestly a bunch of drunks. She’s been acting sketchy lately and I’ve caught her deleting the caller history on her phone obviously trying to hide something from me. I really love this girl and one day hope to marry her, but she seems to be headed down a bad path. Is there anything you can suggest I do?

Dear MC

Talk to her. Sounds like she is burning the candle at both ends. There are some really good people who work in bars but there are a lot more pieces of shit than the good. They tend to look 10 years older than they are due to their lifestyle. Just be careful when you talk to her. Most women will purposely ignore good advice from their loved ones by giving you the “it’s my life” bullshit. I would recommend her getting out before it’s too late.

Dear Rocco,

My best friend wants to be a singer and she is really good. I 'm afraid that when we grow up, she might become famous and not remember me. What do I do?

Dear DC

Stop worrying about stupid shit like what your friend will do with her life. True friends do not forget each other.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Rocker Chicks, Social Drinking and More

Dear Rocco,

I am a female singer in a touring rock band. We are playing clubs and larger bars right now, but hope to one day make the big time. We attract a lot of male fans because many consider me to be attractive. It doesn’t hurt that I wear skin-tight clothes to show off my gym-toned body. There’s this one place I play that I see this guy every time. I swear he’s always looking at me. I think he’s really cute. He looks like some kind of official, be it military, police or some kind of service. I’m not sure. I think he likes me, but he never comes up to say hello after the show like a lot of the other patrons. It’s hard for me to do so much with my tour schedule and constantly being watched over by my bandmates and road manager, etc. How can I get him to approach me or how can I get his attention more so he knows it’s cool to come say hello. Heck, for that matter do you think he even likes me?

Dear FR

I don’t think it would hurt for you to say hi to the guy. If he is at your shows he probably likes the music because I’ve worked several concerts in the past that you couldn’t pay me enough money to listen to that shit again. What have you got to lose by introducing yourself? You may make a friend.

Dear Rocco,

I spent the weekend watching some old movies and classic TV shows. In these movies and shows everyone had a drink and it seemed to be the cool, adult thing to do. Why is it today that there is such a stigma against those that enjoy an occasional cocktail? I swear, when I go out people look at our party strange and I get the feeling police are out looking to put everyone who enjoys a drink under the jail. It’s quite the opposite from when I was a kid. Am I imaging things and why do I feel that way?

Dear JH

Having a drink when you go out is not bad but getting hammered and driving is not a good idea. The Rat Pack seemed to have a good time.

Dear Rocco,

Why do I continually date men who attempt to control me, my thinking and my actions. I convince myself that I will never date another man like that but then I always end up with someone who fits the same mold. Why?

Dear WD

Because you don’t want to change the type of guys you go out with. Until you decide to change your ideal type of guy you are doomed to the same type of asshole.

Dear Rocco,

Is there any such thing as safe sex? I’m at that age where I want to find a wife and settle down. I was never that wild to begin with but when I go out with my friends they point out different women and tell me intimate detail they have heard about her sex life. It seems like half of them have a video now, too. I know I’m not perfect, nor am I a virgin, but I have always been responsible when with the opposite sex. Revelations of past sexual misadventures of girls I dated in the past has ended a number of relationships including one girl I wanted initially to get serious with (and found out her extensive sexual record). Is there something wrong with me? Am I the only normal person left in the world?

Dear JP

Either change the types of girls you date or get over it. Don’t hold their mistakes against them. You could miss out on the right woman because of your hang up.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Hot Daughters and Gay Girlfriends and Even More

Dear Rocco,

I am dating a woman in her early 40s. She was a former model and actually does a little on the side every now and then. She has a teenage daughter who almost her twin, only 20 years younger. The daughter recently hit on me. She is only 17 and I have no desire to do anything, seeing I know the legal consequences. I even told her that. She said fine, but once she turns 18 all bets are off and her mother better watch out because she wants me to be her first. What should I do Rocco. I feel like something out of Gene Simmons’ autobiography. Any advice?

Dear MW

If you want to be on Jerry Springer then fuck her. If you don’t want to be a complete scumbag then stay with the mom and leave the girl alone.

Dear Rocco,

My boyfriend has a gambling problem. It started out as a fun way to pass some time for us. Then we started making trips to the casinos. There he won a little bit. Then he started playing poker online. That led to big money poker games all over town. I tell him he can get in trouble for that and he says everything is cool because one of the big money players in an uppity up in local government. To be honest he’s lost more money that he’s won – or just broke even if you broke it down. This gambling has caused him problems at work and the people he associates with make me uncomfortable. I feel sleazy when they’re around. My boyfriend is a good man, but his gambling so much worries me. Help!

Dear SH

You have to get him some professional help. Gambling is a very serious disease. You can go online and find an organization that offers help for the addiction.

Dear Rocco,

I have been stringing on this guy for years. He loves me. I know he does. His friends tell me he does. But despite all this, I date other guys. He’s the kind of guy that will rescue me from a bad date or if I break up with a guy he’s always there to catch me – even bail me out if needed. I knew of him before we met and people told me how much of a macho man he was. To me he has always been gentle and nurturing. I don’t know if I have feelings for him or not. He’s always there for me, so why shouldn’t I play the field before settling down. Am I a bitch for being this way? How much do you think he’ll take before I lose him?

Dear TP

It depends on the guy. Every guy can take a lot of bullshit from a girl he loves but there is a limit. I think you should stop the bullshit, grow up and start a relationship with this guy. Let’s be honest, playing the field is just a nice way of saying whoring around and most guys will lose interest in a girl who’s fucked everyone in town. All I can tell you is if you’re tired of being used by guys and want to be treated like you’re special then take a chance with him. What have you got to lose by giving him a chance?

Dear Rocco,

I have a strange situation. I am a man who is in love with his best friend a girl. The catch is she is gay. Despite this, she and I are inseparable. We have the same interests and same taste in lots of things. The more time we spend together the closer we seem to get. One night while we were out partying we started to make out and came very close to having sex. She stopped us before we went any further. I did not force the issue and went home to take a cold shower. She told me she has never been with a guy and if she ever decides to cross that line she wants it to be me. Everybody that knows us thinks we are a couple already, it’s her friends in the gay community that know otherwise. When we first started hanging out she told me that if you love someone their gender would not stand in your way of expressing love to them. And I totally agree with her. Using her logic, shouldn’t that work the other way? If she loves me and I love her, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with her and I making love should there? She has held me at arm’s length over this and tells me she is confused because of her being “the way she is” for so long and doesn’t know if she can or really wants to change her status. I’m not asking her to change who she us but if we love each other why should this be an issue?

Dear MT

You are in a fucked up situation. If she is gay then I don’t think you can change that however, a lot of straight girls “experiment” in college so she might want to try some dick. However this turns out I hope you don’t act like an ass.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

BJ's, Bitchy Girlfriends and more

Dear Rocco,

I have an amazing boyfriend. He's everything I could have ever asked for because I'm so in love with him. He is always good to me and is all I really need. I love him but I cheated on him. I got really drunk at a party and wound up having oral sex with three different men, one of them being my best friend's brother. I decided I should be honest with my boyfriend so I told him everything. Now he can barely look at me and says he's not sure if he still loves me. I know that we both wish things could go back to the way they were because we were so happy together. I just want to know what steps we should be taking to mend our relationship. We got everything out in the open and we've talked a lot but should we be spending time apart? Or should we still spend a lot of time together? I love him so much is what I did unforgivable?

Dear MW

Not really. I mean you sucked 3 other guy’s dicks. It would be kind of hard for him to see you as anything other than a cum dumpster whore. I think he should move on and find someone who isn’t such a whore.

Dear Rocco,

I am 16 years old and am dating a 15-year-old that is stuck on me. She is psychotic and I am unhappy in our relationship. She has threatened me saying if I leave her she will kill herself or do drugs. I want to leave her but I can't. She told me nothing in this world can get her to break up with me - not even cheating. Help me! I am stuck in a relationship I don't want to be in! Some advice please.

Dear SH

Grow some balls. If she threatens to kill herself tell her parents and get the Hell away from her crazy ass. The girl needs to grow up and get some serious help.

Dear Rocco,

I brought my new girlfriend by the office to meet my business partners. To say it didn’t go well is an understatement. For some reason they were rude and curt to each other and even talking under each other’s breath when I stood between them. My partners asked me not to bring her around the office any more and they don’t care for her. They say as long as I’m happy with her okay, but keep them separated. She thinks they are underachieving idiots that are holding me back. What should I do?

Dear AD

Sounds like your girlfriend may be a little bitchy. Keep your private life and work separate. Lots of people do and everything is okay in the end.

Dear Rocco,

I'm in my early 40's. About six months ago I met a beautiful woman in her early 30's. We flirted back and forth for weeks until she gave me her phone number. (Only 1 problem) She's married. Of course she tells me she's unhappy. We only speak when at work. I'm not allowed to call her. She texts me only at work. I've asked her out several times, just to be stood-up by her not showing up. She only meets me at a vacant lot for about 5-mins then we kiss and hug very passionately. I want to be intimate with this woman, and she knows it. I buy her gifts and give her money all the time, but no sex. Sometimes I wont see or hear from her for weeks. I almost broke up with her once, but she called me and pleaded with me not to go. She said I treat her better than anyone ever had before. So, I stuck around. She tells me she loves me, and I feel like I'm being tested by her. I think any day she will say "you've passed" and reward me with sex. She has 3 children, and always calls me for advice when dealing with her ex-husband. I've been there for her. What shall I do?

Dear TY

You’ve confused me, first you said she is married then you said her ex-husband? If she is married you need to stay away. Don’t break up a marriage with children involved. I think you are disturbed. You said you almost broke up with her yet you only meet for minutes in a vacant lot. What kind of fucked up relationships have you had with women? I’ll saw this again, DO NOT FUCK A MARRIED WOMAN!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Responsibility, Ex's, Inheritance and more

Dear Rocco,

Why is it that everything is thrown in my lap? Am I the only responsible friend out there. It never fails. I always get called at the last minute for some big favor or the helps someone or their cause yet they don’t take into consideration my time or my actual schedule. I really want to tell everyone to f*** off. What should I do and how can I gently break it to them to leave me the hell alone?

Dear KW

If you are responsible then you will help your friends when you can but I understand everyone needs a little time to themselves. Try to talk to them. Stress you need a little notice because you might have plans and if it’s not life or death you can say no every now and then.

Dear Rocco,

For the past month I've been dating the perfect guy for me or so I thought. Well he just told me he can't see me anymore because within the past week he has started talking to his ex fiance again, They've been broken up for four years and during that time she has been nothing but malicious towards him and done whatever she could to spite him. He tells me how much he likes me, but that he's already been through everything with her. Does getting back together with an ex work? Do I still have a chance with this guy?

Dear CS

No. People are ex’s for a reason. If it didn’t work the first time what makes you think it will work the next time? Unless there are some major changes the result will be the same.

Dear Rocco,

My mother keeps tell us she’s going to leave everything “to the church.” We don’t belong to a church. My mother never spent an hour in church in her life. My sister and I were never taken there as children. Mom’s in her seventies now, and I guess she’s scared — of something. Maybe God. Maybe Hell, who knows? She has quite a bit of money which, frankly, when she’s gone my sister and I could use. Any thoughts on how to prevent her giving money to an institution she never had time for when she was young? Or old? I think the whole thing is ridiculous.

Dear KT

When people get that old and start thinking about death logic doesn’t play a big part in their thought process. You can try talking to her. Ask what church she plans on leaving her money to when she dies. Then ask her why?

Dear Rocco,

Dear MR

Good luck. Women tend not to listen to a damn thing when it comes to weight. Be careful that condition is a disease and very dangerous. If you can’t get through to her then try to get her help…Fast.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Arrested Ex, Jessie Jackson and more

Dear Rocco,

I recently saw my ex wife in one of those crime busters newspapers. To be honest, I really got a kick out of it. I’ve been getting calls from a bunch of folks since it happened and don’t know if I’m embarrassed because of my former affiliation or should just laugh it up. Which would you do?

Dear MT

Just laugh. You now have proof that she was the problem in your relationship.

Dear Rocco,

I just saw where Jesse Jackson once again stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. He criticized the owner of the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers for publicly criticizing LeBron James for signing with the Miami Heat instead of staying in his hometown. Jackson accused the team owner of treating James like a runaway slave. Why does someone like that always use the race or slavery card in situations like this? Aren’t we a little past this now?

Dear CK

Jesse Jackson isn’t known for his intelligence. When you have no other excuse some play the race card. It’s sad because it is usually bullshit and stirs up shit that isn’t there but can get a little publicity. Remember the last time I heard about the good reverend his ass was in trouble for fucking some whore.

Dear Rocco,

I'm really fed up and I want your help, if you don't mind. I'm in love with one of my friends, and he doesn't know that. He treats me like his sister. Sometimes he makes me feel that he loves me, but he doesn't say a word about that. So please help me and tell me what should I do. How can I make him fall in love with me?

Dear EL

How about telling him how you really feel. He may love you too but doesn’t realize it yet.

Dear Rocco,

I am romantically involved with a much younger woman. She does not seem to worry about our age difference, but I do. Everything else being equal, at what point should a couple be really concerned? 20 years difference? 30 years? 40 years? 50 years? Any advice?

Dear OM

Age shouldn’t play apart as long as both are over 18. Now if you’re 80 and she is 18 you will take some shit but who cares as long as you both are happy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Morning People , Dating Nerds and More

Dear Rocco,

I am not a morning person. When I walk in to work from the parking lot in the morning (which takes 5-10 minutes), I'm still waking up. I'm grumpy and tired and I don't feel social yet. I want to have a last minute of quiet time to clear my head before I start the day. So what do I do when a co-worker sees me walking in at the same time and wants to chat? Once someone says "Hi" to me, I don't know how to get rid of them.

Dear JH

It sounds like you’re an asshole. Get over it. Maybe they aren’t a morning person either and just saying “hi” to your grumpy ass to be nice. If you want an extra minute of alone time stay in your car until you are ready to by chance talk to someone.

Dear Rocco,

A while ago, I spent a few years dating a guy who was really bad for me. In the course of the relationship, I lost confidence in my judgement, my self-worth. The thing is, I didn't realize until after we broke up how bad it had been for me. It wasn't until six months later, when I noticed how much better I felt about myself and my life and, really, the whole world, that it occurred to me to question whether I should have been dating him. I've put a lot of thought into why I made the choices I did, and I don't really think I would pick the same kind of guy again, but I still feel like the only way to be sure I don't get hurt is to keep the men I date at arm's length. This leaves me feeling vaguely unsatisfied, as well as being a disservice to guys who are probably actually quite nice. Do you have any advice on how to regain my faith in men, and in my own judgment about men?

Dear JJ

Yeah, find someone completely opposite of the asshole you dated then give him a shot. This isn’t as hard as you might think. If a guy is an asshole and makes you feel like shit don’t spend time with him or date him. He probably won’t change.

Dear Rocco,

Recently I've started going to more sci-fi conventions. At some of them, particularly out-of-town, I don't know very many people. I'd like to get to know new people and make friends at these conventions, but I'm painfully shy and I don't know where to start. It seems incredibly rude to simply intrude on someone's conversation in the con suite, and attempting this usually gets me a cold shoulder, so I'm even more reluctant. There's nothing more lonely than being all alone in a crowd, but it keeps happening to me, and it's detracting from the convention experience. What do I do?

Dear JO

Well Spock, when you put on your ears put on a pair of balls and just start introducing yourself to the other freaks. You weird bastards should have a lot in common and get along great. Just give it a try and I think you’ll be having a grand-old geek time.

Dear Rocco,

I just ended a relationship with an extrememly intelligent man. He is literally a scientist. I, on the other hand am like a trophy girlfriend. I work as a bartender and we met when I moved across the hall from each other. WE are kind of an odd couple because he’s not that attractive, but he treated me so well. He actually respected me and finally won me over. His friends wondered aloud how he landed someone that looks as nice as me. Odd couple we might have been, but we had a good thing going. We recently ended our relationship when we discovered our relationship was in different places. He was ready for a commitment and I, having been burned and treated badly by other men have been very cautious. I decided to end it so I wouldn’t lead him on and potentially hurt him, although I do care for him. I have now started to see other men, but am having trouble relating to them because they are so dumb (book-wise) compared to my most recent ex. I learned so much from my ex – literally, that every guy I’ve gone on dates with comes across as stupid. I’m at a loss. Am I missing out on something great or do I just need to move on.

Dear PB

If you care for the guy and he treated you nice you are a moron for breaking up with him. You said he is smart, talk to him. Tell him your fears and the reasons you dumped him. He will understand your fears even though he isn’t that type of guy. You need to woman up and take a chance with him…If you want to be happy or else you will end up with the same morons you meet at the bar you work at. You said he won you over now you have to win him over. I think you have a great chance at being happy. This isn’t a big risk. He sounds like someone you trust and can trust to do the right thing in regards to you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Naked Neighbors, Dog Poop and More

Dear Rocco,

I live next door to a lady who would lay out naked in the summer. That wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that she had two small boys and also kept another couple of children. She would lay out in the afternoon completely naked and would allow the children to play outside at the same time. Isn’t this illegal or potentially harming to the kids to be so “exposed” to her?

Dear FG

Yes it is illegal and you should report her to the police the next time she is babysitting in the buff.

Dear Rocco,

I am living a nightmare! My next door neighbor is an absolute lunatic. She has now taken to breaking into my computer and changing my passwords. She hammers on our shared wall in the middle of the night. She slams her door over and over and is disturbing not only me, but the people above and below her. If I could afford to move I would. I’m about fed up. No one seems to be doing anything to stop her. If I call the cops will I b the one looking like the psycho neighbor?

Dear WM

How the Hell is she changing your passwords on your computer? Is she breaking into your apartment? I would record the noise and set up a nanny cam type recording devise to catch her in the act then call the police. Or you could try talking to the psycho, see if you can reason with her…Good luck with that.

Dear Rocco,

My over-60-year-old-neighbor came to my house and accused me of sleeping with her husband. I'm 24-years-old with a 2-year-old-son. She just keeps saying all these crazy things. A couple of days ago, she bought over 20 trees and planted them along the side of my house, so I can't 'look at her husband anymore. Why would she think I was doing this and how do I keep her from spreading any damaging rumors about my reputation?

Dear MH

She sounds like a nut so I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Definitely sounds like grandma has lost her marbles.

Dear Rocco,

Shortly after I moved into an apartment community a few years ago, a neighbor criticized me saying that I had failed to pick up after my dog. [So] every day when I got home from work, I would take my dog to the park across the street, assuming this would help settle the problem. But soon I started finding piles of dog poop on my doorstep every day. Big piles, my dog is only 10 lbs., mind you. Of course, I was angry about the poop on my doormat each day, so I went to the apartment manager and complained ... he told me that he already knew what the woman had been doing because she had told him. He still hasn’t done anything to stop it. What can I do to retaliate or at least get the woman to leave me alone?

Dear JC

Jesus Christ! Where the Hell do you people live? Dog shit on a doormat? Really? Hell I don’t know what to tell you. Take the shit back to her and tell her to quit shitting on your doormat and use a toilet like a civilized human being.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Riverbend and Band Groupies

Dear Rocco,

Why is it that at special events like Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s Day and Riverbend we spend stupid amounts of money on stuff we wouldn’t dare buy any other time, like $10 for a box of candy at Christmas for my boss or $8 for a beer at Riverbend? Any other time of year my wife doesn’t want to drink a beer unless it’s dollar beer night somewhere. This past week I spent a fortune on beer for the two of us.

Dear WT

What can I say? You’re a dumbass.

Dear Rocco,

I've been trying to get a new job, but I have a couple of problems. The first is that my last several jobs ended badly because I lost my temper and got in arguments with management. On applications, you have to say why you ended previous jobs. What do I say? The second is that when I read the job descriptions, the list of duties scares me. I don't know if I can do all that! Help!

Dear SN

First of all stop being an asshole. You sound like a whiney bitch. You can put for your reason for leaving as creative differences and as for your fear of the list of duties quit being a pussy and give it a shot.

Dear Rocco,

Last year, I watched two people who I thought cared for me latch onto each other with forces akin to an Asimov novel. They did this for mutual support as they each underwent a great deal of stress preparing for important events in their lives. I was involved in both events in some minor way, but in the process, I felt completely removed from either social circle. It also didn't help that work has kept me isolated with long and late hours. Now, their activities have centered around each other, and I no longer feel as though I know them. I have my own, very stressful event fast approaching at the end of the summer, and I am in a bind. I feel that they find me unnecessary and excluded me from even the most mundane activity. For example: they mentioned at a large gathering the interest to get ice cream. I asked if I could go with them and I was told "Oh, this is something we do," as though I was no longer a member of the popular clique. Should I continue to be friends, or should I no longer seek their advice and company?

Dear GB

First of all I don’t know what the Hell an Asimov novel is and secondly if they treat you like that then you’re better off without those basket cases. You’re better off without them it sounds like to me. Fuck them! You have your own shit to worry about. Fuck them and their Goddamn ice cream.

Dear Rocco,

Over the weekend, I went to a concert with the express intention of flirting with, and possibly hooking up with one of the musicians. I did, in fact, flirt with him, but was sorry to see that instead of the gorgeous man with good posture that I remembered, he had since adopted a "scruffy" look, had taken to hunching over, and actually appeared malnourished. He was extremely sweet, and fun to talk to, but partway through the evening I realized that one of his bandmates had a really nice face, and was also fun to talk to. So my question is this: just how fickle and unkind am I being? Is it in bad taste/horribly immoral to flirt with two guys at once, especially when they're friends with each other? For that matter, is it ok to flirt with strange men when I'm unsure of my intentions towards them? Am I unfairly leading them on?

Dear TH

Honey it sounds like you’re just one of several wanna-be groupie whores who try to hook up with members of bar bands. The guy you were wet for probably is suffering from an STD and is just further along than his bandmate. I think you should be more worried about finding a nice guy and not a wanna-be rock star with a rotten cock than leading on two shits in a bar band.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Hot Weather & Bad Haircuts

Dear Rocco,

Every year at Riverbend it seems to be the hottest days of summer. Do you think God is trying to tell Chattanooga something?

Dear FG

Yeah, HE is saying stay home or at least throw that over-priced festival in the spring or fall.

Dear Rocco,

I ran into a buddy of mine the other night that was with this girl he introduced to me as his friend and said they go party every once in a while and have been doing so for years. Well, she has kind of caught my eye and she and I hit it off. She was kind of smiling and giving me the eye while he talked. I was wondering if it would be okay to pursue her since they were “friends” and not technically dating. Of course I’ll have to ask him for a way to contact her unless I find her on Facebook. Should I just leave well enough alone?

Dear DH

How good of friends are you with this guy? Sounds like she is his “guaranteed” date every once in a while. Hell talk to your buddy find out if he would be pissed if you took a shot at her. After all they may just be friends.

Dear Rocco,

Which is a bigger fashion crime these days – the mullet or the poodle (ring curls) cut that some women seem to still wear?

Dear VR

They both should be life without the possibility of reproduction.

Dear Rocco,

We all remember the line from When Harry Met Sally where Harry said that men and women can never be friends because sex always gets in the way - and it turned out to be the true for him. But away from the movies and in the real world, how much truth is there in what he said?

Dear PC

It depends on the people involved. I know people that it has and hasn’t affected.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dead Bikers and In Love With A Married Woman

Dear Rocco,

There sure seems to be a lot of motorcycle accidents here in Chattanooga. Is it that way in other cities? Who do you think is responsible for the crashes the bikers or the cars they seem to run into?

Dear MM

I don’t know it could be fifty-fifty. People drive like shit in Chattanooga but there are a lot of dumbasses who ride bikes here. I haven’t researched accidents in other cities so I can’t honestly answer your question.

Dear Rocco,

Do you have any suggestions for someone who lives here and doesn’t want to go to Riverbend? What else is there to do around here that’s fun and away from all the crazy people that descend upon downtown for the next two weeks?

Dear MN

Stay home and watch tv or movies.

Dear Rocco,

I am in love with a married woman. I am very close friends with her, and she loves me too. She has been considering leaving her husband for me for several months. Her husband is very jealous, and if he even thought she was still speaking to me, he might leave her/kick her out on the spot. (He has actually delivered such an ultimatum; she is never to call me again). I'm certain that she is in the wrong place and the wrong relationship. I could make her happy. But I won't do anything deliberately to end their relationship - I'm not going to out her to her husband, or anything that would make the choice for her. If she were free, I'd marry her and spend the rest of my life with her in an instant, no second thoughts. How can I convince her that she wants to leave him?

Dear TL

I’m afraid that’s something she has to decide for herself. You said you wouldn’t do anything to deliberately end their marriage then you ask me how to convince her she wants to leave him? Don’t mind fuck her. You need to talk with her but make it clear she has to be the one who makes the choice and you will respect her wishes.

Dear Rocco,

I love my man. Adore him. Spending the rest of my life with him. However his insecurity is driving me bonkers. In his 20s, he lived with a woman (for several years) who used him to get back at her not-quite-ex-husband, and my man didn't realize it until she kicked him out changed the locks. Now that he's in his 30s, he's wiser and more experienced in the wily ways of crazy women, but he's still scarred. This manifests as a constant need for attention so he can reassure himself that I'm not going to do what the other woman did. I understand the cause, but the effect is feeling less like "are you sure you love me?" and more like "honey, look at this... honey, look at this... why aren't you looking?", especially when I'm in the middle of a complicated project. It can be like living with a five-year-old sometimes. I'm sure the insecurity will lessen and/or disappear eventually, but in the meantime, how can I react to it without pushing him away?

Dear CP

The only thing I can think of is try to reassure him that you love him when he is acting like an ass. Trust is very hard to give someone when someone else has shit on that type of trust in the past. Sooner or later he will throw caution to the wind and give it to you without thinking about the “what ifs”. Be patient and things will work out and be fine.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Mouthy Girlfriends and Police Reports

Dear Rocco,

Why are arrest reports and stuff like that a matter of public opinion when most of the arrests get dismissed or slapped on the wrist? I could understand wanting to make an example of someone that breaks the law and put them up for public scrutiny, but you and I know most of these people are out the next day if that long to go on about and do the same things they were arrested for in the first place. I’m just saying…

Dear GT

I don’t make the laws and am not a judge. I believe that law is in place to protect people from the most skuzziest of all criminals, the murderers, rapists and child molesters. I mean if my neighbor gets arrested for child molesting I want to know so I could keep an eye on my niece when she comes for a visit.

Dear Rocco,

My girlfriend said some bad things about some people and they found out and retaliated by spreading rumors about her, causing her to lose out on her job. She’s now blaming me for this because I didn’t back her up and since the rumors have started (unbeknownst to me) and I haven’t done anything about it, she has started accusing me of being on their side. I don’t know what to do. I wish she would at least shut up to begin with at least. How can I make this all go away?

Dear WR

I think that goes back to the old saying “if you can’t say anything nice about someone you should keep your mouth shut.” I think you should talk with her and be perfectly clear you had nothing to do with this shit and if she didn’t do this high school shit she would still have a job. It’s time for her to grow up and stop talking shit about people.

Dear Rocco,

If psychics know all why do they advertise or put signs out? Wouldn’t they call me and give me directions knowing I want to talk to them and ask them stuff?

Dear CH

Because it’s all bullshit.

Dear Rocco,

My boyfriend of five years and I broke up, mainly because I was working all the time to pay our bills and I resented him because of it. He would get mad because I couldn't go out after working 12 or 14 hours because I was tired. He only worked part time. I moved out today... but we have talked about getting back together in a few months. Should I get back with him? Should I stay away from him? Please help.

Dear HB

If the piece of shit doesn’t understand you’re tired because you work hard while he fucks off with a part time job then stay away from his loser ass and find someone else who appreciates you. You are his free ride. Wake up and stop letting him use you. If you like being a fucking doormat then go back to him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dating Out of Your League & Girl Shy

Dear Rocco,

I started dating my neighbor who is super intelligent and not really much to look at. I was a cheerleader in school and Homecoming Queen. While I usually date muscle guys and guys with strong personalities I finally got tired of being treated like crap by them. My neighbor is so nice and cute in a weird way. I don’t really understand his world of academic knowledge (he has multiple degrees and a nice job). His friends tell him he’s dating out of his league. I’m worried that he’ll get bored with me since I never finished college. Do you think our relationship has a chance?

Dear LH

Yes, because you date a person not a degree. Opposites attract. I have noticed even my friends who are in shape treat their girls like shit and because they have washboard abs the girls seem to put up with their cheating, lies and attitudes. Good for you that you gave him a chance and believe me he appreciates you aren’t just looking at him with your heart and not your eyes.

Dear Rocco,

I am an extremely shy business professional with basically no social life except hanging with some of my co-workers and doing guy stuff. Whenever a girl approaches I tense up and can’t talk. Some people have even spread a rumor that I was gay. I’m not I’m just extremely socially awkward. What can I do to help me talk to girls instead of stuttering and sweating and walking in a circle? I like girls, I really do.

Dear RK

Relax you aren’t the only one who acts like an ass around girls. I’ve seen several guys do the same. Just be yourself. And it couldn’t hurt to have a few drinks to take the edge off. Think of it like this, the girls may be a little nervous around you too.

Dear Rocco,

A few years ago, I met an older man. We’re talking 15 years older. At the time we met he was firmly attached to a woman who had been in a long (ten years) relationship. I fell for him and then I tried my best to let go, but we kept in touch, and recently he told me that he broke up with his longtime partner. We’ve been out a few times and we eventually slept together. Anyway, I really, really like him a lot. But I’m hesitant. It’s not only that I’m so much younger than he is, it’s also that I’ve never had a relationship anywhere near as serious as the one he had with his former girlfriend. Plus, he’s all messed up from what happened with his last relationship. (He needs time.) In spite of all this, I can’t help but wonder if he’s the right one for me. I really want to find the right guy, and he could be it, but I’m trying to protect myself. Am I a crazy, immature, insecure lunatic?

Dear EL

Yes but love does that to a person. You’re right he needs time but I think you’re worrying about too much shit. If it’s right its right. Be there for him and you two get to know each other better before you start planning a future together and comparing pasts.

Dear Rocco,

I’ve had a few serious boyfriends but I’ve never had sex. I’m a virgin. I try not to get too serious with anybody because I fear if I have sex my feelings would become involved and if he hurt me I would be crushed. Because of this, I sabotage every possible relationship. What should I do? It sucks to be lonely.

Dear WG

Change the type of guy you date. When the time is right then you will not be able to sabotage the relationship. It’s nice to hear from a virgin old enough to read this paper. I think too many young people have sex for the wrong reasons and end up fucking up their lives. Teenage motherhood should’ve gone out of style in the early 1900’s. I will say this if you do lose your first love it will be devastating but eventually you will love again because when you find who you think is the right person and lose them you want to try to have those feelings again. It does suck to be lonely…I can swear to that but when you’ve had the best you will want to do everything in your power to regain those feelings and put aside the risks of heartache.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Hot Girlfriends & Drunk Business Associates

Dear Rocco,

I love my girlfriend very much. She is incredibly hot. There are parts of her they should make a mold of and sell or put on display for the world to see. Am I a jerk for thinking like this? She knows I worship her body and stuff but we get along great and have a good relationship. Any thoughts?

Dear RT

Lucky bastard. No you’re not a jerk for thinking like that. You should think that way about your girlfriend.

Dear Rocco,

A friend of mine has a drinking problem. Everyone at first thought he was a social drinker but that is far from the case. He recently started his own business and borrowed a lot of money from some serious investors for his project. He seems more occupied in getting drunk and chasing tail than working on the business. I’m worried with whatever legal ramifications may happen because these people he’s in business with are aggressive go-getters and watch their money like hawks. His parents have even said something about his actions to me. I don’t know what to do. He says he has no problem. I’m not sure how he would react towards an intervention. Any thoughts of what we should do?

Dear JH

Alcoholics will only get help when they decide they need it and want to change. Unfortunately, that seems to only come when something horrible happens like jail or falling flat on their ass. Most have to hit “rock-bottom” before they realize they’ve been fucking up. I’m afraid all you can do is voice your opinion and when he ignores you just watch him fall on his ass. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.

Dear Rocco,

Today me and my boyfriend went to the store...and I saw a girl who was picking up some things bending down so that you could see her thong. So I looked at my boyfriend (for 3 years and we live together) and he was looking at the girl’s stuff! I confronted him and he admitted to "just looking, not even that, it was a glance". It got to me and very mad I took the car and left him in the shop. I didn't think this would hurt so much but to me it shows that he has no respect for me, watching at other girls while I'm there. It make me wanna disrespect him to, like flirt with another guy and then tell him about it, so he gets hurt. I don’t even want to go home. What do i do?

Dear RR

Get over it. He looked at a girls thong in a store, so what? He didn’t fuck her. You need to get over your insecurities and realize he is with you. If you want to be mad that’s your problem, not his. Did you tell the girl she was showing the world her shit and you were offended? No, you got mad at him and left him at the store. You had a temper tantrum like a child. Just because he looked doesn’t mean he doesn’t respect you. I’m afraid you jumped the gun on this and made yourself out to be the queen bitch for no reason. You need to apologize to him for your actions and let it go.

Dear Rocco,

This woman I was dating was a very unhealthy relationship I am finally admitting. Let me sum it up briefly. In the two months we were together she broke up with me seven times in the second month. We would go out and spend the weekend together then by Monday I would call her up and she would tell me we have "nothing in common" and she would break-up. Three days later we would be back (it was always a different excuse). Two weeks ago, on the seventh break-up, we had dinner and made love on Friday and movie on Saturday and went hiking all day on Sunday and I thought we had a great time together. On Wednesday she called me and said she never wanted to see me again because she had no romantic feelings for me. She said we can be great friends and that's it. I saw her out at a night club on the following week by herself and we danced two songs and she turned to look at me and she said I do not want to dance with you anymore and please leave but she was mean when she said it. I had too much to drink later in the evening and I called her cell phone and left her several vile messages. I called her the next day to apologize and she said she forgave me (she said I called her a whore and crazy etc.) We talked again the end of the week by email and it was pleasant. I was told by a family friend that she has a personality disorder, possible bi-polar and suffers from manic depression. I have not called her at all and she has not attempted communication at all with me, but I find myself thinking about her all the time. I always think about the wonderful things we did and shared but it is hard. Any tips on letting go? And in your opinion do you think I will ever hear from her again?

Dear PD

You need to quit cold turkey. If the girl is bipolar then she needs to get on meds and not mix it with alcohol. If you really care about her and are thinking there could be more than being weekly fuck buddies then talk to her about her personality problem. If not then run like Hell.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Drama, Drama, Drama

Dear Rocco,

What’s the best way to run off a woman that just doesn’t seem to take obvious hints?

Dear WD

After sex with her, shit in her bed.

Dear Rocco,

I have an on again / off again girlfriend and it's starting to wear me down. She keeps breaking up and getting back together. I have always loved her, so this process is very difficult for me. I don't understand why she breaks up then wants to get back together over and over again. It's like an endless cycle and I don't know what to do. Help!

Dear AR

She is crazy. I don’t know she is either afraid of commitment or she is shopping for a better deal.

Dear Rocco,

I just got back from what I thought was a great date. We had a ton of fun and seem to have a lot of chemistry. My problem is that I don't know if he is going to call again or if he felt the same way as me. Are there any specific signs that can help me determine his interest level?

Dear EL

Yeah if he calls you he likes you. It’s easy if he isn’t listening to one of his dumb ass friends tell him not to call for a set amount of time. If you don’t hear from him in a couple of days then I don’t see anything wrong with you calling him.

Dear Rocco,

I have been going out with a particular man for a couple of months. We have a blast together when we are out. We have both been through a divorce in the past year and a half. However, when we started seeing each other we were going out just as friends. But, here recently my feelings for him have become stronger. I really like him. He does not try to hold my hand or kiss me. Does this mean he only still wants to be friends or do you think he is just taking it slow?

Dear BM

Hell I don’t know. I don’t know him. Maybe you should take the initiative and make the first move. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Drama Queens and Deadbeat Friends

Dear Rocco,

Why are women such drama queens? I love my girlfriend but she can’t go long without starting trouble, be it with an old boyfriend or a former employer. After things come to blows she comes running to me crying and wondering why people act the way they do towards her. What should I do?

Dear DD

If you love her then deal with it. Some women love to “be saved” by their man if there isn’t a problem then they will create one. Try to talk with her when you see she is beginning to create drama cut it off. Stop it before she can get it started. Shower her with attention and maybe you won’t have to deal with the shit.

Dear Rocco,

Why are all my friends deadbeats? I seem to be the only one good with my money. I’m constantly asked for favors or those that have taken advantage of my generosity already seem to conveniently forget they owe me. I really don’t care if their girlfriend wants a new Blackberry or the latest iPod, and that’s what they end up spending their money on instead of a mortgage or even food. Think I could get away with murder?

Dear WF

No, only deadbeat pieces of shit get away with murder. Maybe you should try to teach them to manage their money better.

Dear Rocco,

How do you communicate with your spouse if he has a short temper and is also impatient and stressed all the time? It kills me because sometimes I feel as if he doesn't understand me or he just doesn't want to hear the drama. It always leads into an argument and I can't stand it. We definitely love each other, but it's difficult for me because I think our communication is being put aside, especially when he's having a bad day already.

Dear ST

Well when he has had a bad day what kind of drama are you laying on him? Sometimes things that we think are important are not that important or may even seem stupid to someone who has had a Hellish day. You love each other so you may just need to evaluate what you want to say before you say it. I mean, ask him about his day before you drop a bomb on him. If he has had a bad day then wait until later after he has had time to unwind before you tell him things that may be upsetting.

Dear Rocco,

I asked this girl out on a date and she said yes. We went out and every thing about it was great. She even said that she loved it. She says she would like to go out again, but it's been four weeks now since that first date. We still talk on the phone, but most of the time she's working nights. Then, almost every weekend she's at the bar. When I talk to her she still says she wants to go out, but never acts on it. I really like this girl, but how do I know whether she likes me or is just saying she wants to go out again to be nice? Am I wasting my time or do I wait and see if she does like me?

Dear MG

Have you heard the saying he who hesitates, masturbates? Don’t wait. Ask her point blank to go out on a weekend. Spoil the shit out of her. If she says yes then take her to do whatever she wants to do. After that date, ask her if she wants to go out with you again. If so then you’re in. If not then cut your losses and move on.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Torn Between Two Lovers

Dear Rocco,

I’m at a loss for words. My girlfriend recently confessed to e that she cheated on me with another man. She says she loves me and it will never happen again. I am in shock that this could happen. I might be able to forgive but I will never forget the image in my mind of my girl having sex with another guy. I want to send her away, but honestly, she’s really hot. Is there any hope for our relationship?

Dear BD

I don’t know. If she is a good girl who just made a mistake and wants forgiveness then maybe there is hope. However if she is just a whore who wants to hurt you then no I would start looking for someone else.

Dear Rocco,

There seems to be a lot of guns and other weapons being discovered in our local schools. Since when did Chattanooga become the Wild Wild West and why?

Dear RT

I think that’s media bullshit because I remember going to school and everyone carried a pocket knife and usually gun racks were full in every vehicle. I think since Columbine teachers are noticing more and are a little more jumpy. I hate to say it but I think kids are more fucked in the head today then they were in the past. Parental failure appears to be on the rise so if things don’t change we as a society are fucked.

Dear Rocco,

I had a crush with my male friend and I told him about it and he wasn't ready at the time since he had someone in his life. That was a year ago. Now my male friend told me he had crush on me and I laughed at him because he didn't agree with me at first. He told me it was his turn now to have a crush on me. I am not sure if he is trying to play me on that one. So far he has changed a lot compared to last year. When I am on the phone with him, he talks about having sex with me. To my surprise he doesn't say he loves me. Is it because he doesn't know how to say it? He knows I don’t believe him, although he is saying he has a crush on me. I find it hard to believe him since he denied it first time when I extended first. He told me he is not joking about this. Advice?

Dear SC

Sounds like he is just looking for some pussy, then again, I don’t know anything about him. He may just be a little stupid. I wouldn’t rush into anything with him. He may be looking for a rebound girl and since you opened up to him in the past he might see you as his best chance. If you still like him then take things slow to see if he is full of shit.

Dear Rocco,

I am a 30-year-old female married for eight years with kids and my male friend is a 38-year-old male that has been married for two years. We have been friends for three years and we trust each other. We were getting closer and closer to the point that I ended up telling him how I felt about him. He was shocked and felt sorry for me, because we are both married. As time went on, he reached the point where he was upset at me and told me he was not interested in me. I wasn't mad at him at all and I told him that I would still love him the way I used to. As time went on, he noticed that I still loved him as a friend. We decided not to talk as many times as we used to in order to avoid getting into a sexual relationship. To my surprise, he is the one who started it again. He is now “interested in me”. It didn't take us too long to get back to where we were before. Now it seems like now we can't control ourselves. The two of us know we are in love, but neither one of us wants to say it first. We are scared to tell each other. We have never cheated before and it's scary to us. Keep in mind we don't want to put our marriages in jeopardy. The issue is between the two of us. My question is, if he couldn't do it before, what makes him do it now? Why has his mind changed now?

Dear LT

Fuck me, are you serious? Your marriages are already in jeopardy. It sounds like you two got married and now are trying to upgrade. I think you both should do some serious thinking about your lives. If your spouses are so bad or you both have no respect for their feelings then you both need to file for divorces and move on with your lives. Without any information about your spouses I can’t tell if your relationships are bad or if you two are just fucking selfish whores who aren’t thinking about the consequences of your actions. If you guys care about your spouses I hope you both have the Goddamn common decency to set them free from your cheating asses and allow them to move on to people who will respect them enough not to shit on the trust built by a relationship.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends with Benefits & More

Dear Rocco,

Will I ever get another girlfriend? I lucked out and dated a girl out of my league. All my friends could not believe I was dating such a beautiful girl – her friends couldn’t either. We seemed to get along great for a long time until one day things changed drastically and she said she wanted to see others. She’s gone now and I know there’s no way I’ll find another girl like her. Is there any hope for me?

Dear PO

Not with that attitude. No woman should be thought of as out of your league. I’ve seen hot girls who seem sweet with the biggest pieces of shit I’ve ever seen and wondered how so anything is possible.

Dear Rocco,

I've been dating this guy for three months now and things are starting to change already. When we first started dating he used to tell me how cute I was, called me "baby", and called me on the phone all the time. Now, he barely calls, he never gives me compliments, and he spends all of his time with his male friends. Something that's also funny is that he was the first in the relationship to say "I love you" (which I thought was a little early since we just started dating) but he hasn't said it in months, I always tell him first. I asked him was anything wrong in the relationship and if he wanted to be with someone else and he said no. I really care for him and I do everything in my power to make him happy, but things remain the same. What's the problem?

Dear SF

Maybe you need to let him work on some things. You said you do everything to make him happy what does he do to make you happy? Relationships are two-way streets. Make him work on making you happy.

Dear Rocco,

I have been dating this guy for two months. He asks Me out, We have a good time, He is a perfect gentleman, and I think it is going good. Then he doesn't call for two or three days. I don't think I should call him, since I am old school.... How can I get him to commit? I am new at this, since I have been out of the dating scene for many years. I am recently divorced, so I really need some advice on how to get this guy on my side of the fence. Help.

Dear SH

Maybe he is old school as well and doesn’t want to pressure you. Talk to him. Be open an honest with him and I think things will work in your favor.

Dear Rocco,

How long am I going to be strung along? I’ve had this on again off again relationship with this female for a number of years. While most may see us as friends our bond seems greater. Great until she finds some guy to sleep with. Then all of a sudden I no longer get text messages and my phone calls aren’t returned. When I start to see someone she gets jealous and asks a thousand questions. She’ll even bring the person up months after I quit seeing them. She on the other hand will reveal nothing about any of the guys she sees and doesn’t tell me about. Our mutual friends are the ones telling me about it. Why is this going on? What should I do?

Dear BG

Sounds like you guys are just fuck buddies. If you want something more then you need to have a serious talk with her. Get everything out and see what she thinks.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Figuring Out Women, Codependency and More

Dear Rocco,

What are the rules for dating any more? Does she call or do I call? If I call too soon am I too forward? If I wait am I too cool or aloof? I can’t figure women out. Are there any basic guidelines in figuring out what a woman thinks?

Dear FC

If I knew what women think I wouldn’t have time to write this article. I don’t think there are rules for dating. Each woman is different. You can’t use the same techniques with all women. Do what you think or what you think is best for the situation.

Dear Rocco,

My last girlfriend was in an abusive relationship before we started dating. I treat her like royalty, to be honest. She has even told me I was the best thing that has ever happened to her. Here’s the catch – her ex calls and she stops what she’s doing to go by his side. She has even broken up with me twice to go back to him only to come back with her tail between her legs. This is getting old. I love her and she knows it, but I can’t take this constantly running back to this piece or crap that treats her poorly. I’m about at the end of my rope. Should I kick her to the curb for good?

Dear PW

Some women are glutens for punishment so to speak. I think you should avoid her until she realizes how fucked-up this situation is. If you’re always there to pick her up after this guy throws her away then she is never going to change. If it’s meant to be then sooner or later she will get her head out of his ass and realize she deserves better. Part of her problem is she may see him the way she wants to see him and not for who he really is and the only thing you can do is avoid the drama and let her get shit on by him until she sees the truth. Only then can you begin to build whatever it is you two were working towards.

Dear Rocco,

I dated a man a long time ago I met when I was 18. He was devoted to me in our 20's. I was not. Due to family illness, I moved to New York to get away. He came out to visit me and asked me to move home but I would not. I started seeing other people. We dated on and off in a long distance relationship but then we both married other people. We are now in our 40s and got back in touch with each other. We have been visiting each other and have fallen back in love. He, after I asked if we could ever have a relationship, said he wanted to be friends for now -he was starting his own tax business and was very stressed the whole time I was there. But his actions showed he cares. I call him - he has only called me twice - apologizes for his long work hours. I think it is better to let him take the lead now. He wants to visit after tax season over. I am not going to call him anymore until he calls. Am I right in keeping my distance? He thinks he is bad in relationships and does not have much to offer but I know that is not true.

Dear MM

I think you’re both fucked up. If you two are in love then why the Hell are you both fucking around? Life’s too short to put love aside for later. If you two love each other then get off your asses and get your lives together started. Now with that being said, this time of year is Hell in the tax business so keep that it mind. Don’t let life pass you by because of a little fear.

Dear Rocco,

I am 34 years old and have been an introvert all my life. I simply feel more comfortable to talking to some people and tend to clam up around others. Since I have this shyness and insecurity, people sometimes think I act like a snob. I feel bad about this and have few friends. Some people have told me I have a phony smile. It is bothering me that people I meet are getting the wrong impression. I want to make more friends. Help!

Dear DV

You need to relax more and take the initiative a little more during conversations. Sooner or later people will get to know you and like you for who you are. The best advice I can give is to be yourself. If you try to be someone else then you will never know if people like you or the person you pretend to be.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Bad Drivers, Raisers & Hoeing Around

Dear Rocco,

Why does Chattanooga have such crappy drivers? I have never seen such aggressive driving in my life. I’ve been honked at for not speeding, gotten the finger for not turning fast enough and see all these wrecks on the highway involving both cars and motorcycles. I remember when I was younger people seemed to have more respect for the road. Heck, I’ve even seen a few cop cars use their lights to run red lights downtown to avoid stopping while not headed to the scene of a crime. Even with all these cameras in Red Bank, North Chatt and the S-Curves, it seems like the Wild West out there. Any ideas?

Dear FU

No fucking clue. For as long as I can remember people in Chattanooga have driven like shit.

Dear Rocco,

I have been keeping up with the upcoming NFL draft and the off-season moves like Donovan McNabb to the Redskins recently. With all that being said and being a long-suffering Raiders fan, do you think they will ever have a winning record again anytime soon?

Dear SH

Goddamn I don’t know? I hope they will have a winning record again in my lifetime. I think when Al Davis goes hopefully their scouts will have the balls to draft the right people in the right positions.

Dear Rocco,

I am in my 20's and I have already slept with what seems like a hundred guys. Of course I have been called all of the names: slut, whore, etc. And all of the guys I know have labeled me as easy prey when they want to get laid. This has caused me to get into a little depression. The town I live in is not that small but small enough for a bad reputation to circulate. There is nothing I can do but move now, but I don’t see myself changing anytime soon. I don't think I am bad person. I mean, I am a woman and I enjoy sex. I am not cheating on anyone and I don't have sex with just anyone. But if I am out partying, I get horny like one of the guys. So this becomes the age old question, "How come guys can do it and girls can't?" Most of the time, these guys come on to me. It’s not like I go looking for it. It just happens. Why am I made out to look like the terrible person?

Dear JP

Historically women are supposed to be able to control their urges better than men. Nobody wants to think of their mothers in their 20s whoring around. We need to face it both men and women are whores. Sooner or later most stop their whoring ways by growing-up and settling down. Self-control may be one thing you can try to improve on. Having a healthy sex life is great but you don’t have to fuck every guy you meet partying if it makes you feel like everyone thinks you’re a whore. Do what makes you happy and the Hell with everyone else.

Dear Rocco,

My boyfriend wants me to get a boob job. He said he will pay for it. He is a great guy and we have been together for some time. He is just a guy that likes large breasts, what can I say? Mine are fine and perky, but just a B cup. Some of my girlfriends are telling me to go for it, since he is paying. But some are dead set against it for one reason or another. I have not made up my mind yet and I was wondering your opinion.

Dear AH

Honey, in my opinion you don’t need to get one. Your boyfriend should love you for who you are and shouldn’t be trying to make you into a porn star. If you want it then go ahead but remember surgery isn’t something to be taken lightly. You need to research this. There will be pain and the possibility of a mistake. Look at Tara Reid before you make your mind up.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Gang Bangers, Crips & Bikers

Dear Rocco,

After reading what happened at Coolidge Park over the weekend, do you really think there is that much gang activity in Chattanooga or is the media just playing up the incident for ratings? If so, why hasn’t the mayor done anything about it?

Dear RT

There is a gang problem in Chattanooga but it’s not like the problems in Los Angeles, Chicago, New York or Atlanta. The local politicians don’t admit to having a gang problem because it’s not good for business nor are they in their neighborhoods. The media is covering this because it happened in Coolidge Park not Alton Park. My God someone just built million dollar condos in the area and you can’t have property value go down.

Dear Rocco,

Why is life so unfair? My little brother recently lost two limbs in an accident and his life will never be the same. He never drank, smoked, or even touched drugs. For that matter he wasn’t even promiscuous. Yet I look around and it seems there are people getting away with murder, 300 pound women riding around Walmart making a beeline to the bakery section and see people brag about how drunk they were when they drove home the night before. Has this life of morality been a sham for my brother? It seems to slap him in the face as I watch him struggle with learning to walk again. Does God hate my family or what?

Dear BB

I would be a damn fool if I told you I know the answer to that question. I haven’t had the hardship that your brother is dealing with but I have for the most part been a pretty good guy. I’ve followed the rules and try to treat people the way I would expect to be treated however I’ve been shit on and feel as if I’m being beaten down on a regular basis myself and I wonder why? The way I see it, life is tough and shit happens. You just have to deal with it because any day something amazingly great could happen that will make all the bullshit seem so trivial. I really don’t know much about God. I’m not a religious person but from what I’ve heard God doesn’t hate anyone. Tragedy happens but you can’t give up when it hits. You have to keep fighting.

Dear Rocco,

All my friends make fun of my girlfriend when she’s not around. She’s nice, has a fulltime job, brings me cupcakes when I work late and when we’re in the bedroom… well, she lets me do whatever I want. Looks-wise she’s kind of dumpy and talks with a slight lisp. And when she gets drunk she gets touchy-feely. But my friends don’t seem to mind the cupcakes she brings by. I’ll admit she’s not the best looking thing on the planet but I get feed and get to have lots of sex. What do you think I should do about this?

Dear PL

Tell them to grow the fuck up. She is your girlfriend and sounds like a great person and should be treated with the respect she deserves.

Dear Rocco,

I ride with a motorcycle club. Motorcycle clubs have gotten a bad name recently with the high profile arrests made of one of our fellow bike groups. Now whenever I roll up on my Harley half the people sneer at me or look the other way. I don’t condone the activities of the other club but ours does a lot of fundraising and other charitable work. Now we seem to be rolling jokes or bad guys when we’re not. I was even called a poser by one teenager. What’s your thought on the situation?

Dear AH

I ride myself - not with a club. I’m not into the club thing but to each his own. Who gives a shit what a teenager or anyone else thinks? I can only speak for myself but I ride because it clears my head and it’s fun. I enjoy riding. I don’t dress any different than have for the last 36 years. I don’t try to intimidate or scare anyone, I just ride. It’s hard for people to understand the feeling you get cruising along at 100mph on a bike with the wind in your hair and nothing between you and the asphalt. Fuck’em. Keep riding and doing the fundraising and charity work you enjoy. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

True Friends & Business Partners

Dear Rocco,

People seem to have the wrong impression of me. I think I’m a good guy and seem to have a good number of friends. I’ve discovered lately some of these people have been talking behind my back and using the fact that they “know” me to benefit. Sure, I’m not perfect, but I am far from being the worst person on the planet. How can you tell who are your real friends are compared to hanger-ons?

Dear GD

I’m afraid the only way you’ll find out who your friends out who your real friends are you will have something happen when you really need a friend to get you through a tough time. Generally, the hang-ons will not be there for you when you during hard times really need a friend.

Dear Rocco,

I like to laugh. Nothing excites me more than a good comedy. That being said, how do some of these guys who do standup get work? I’ve gone to plenty of comedy clubs and rarely find myself laughing. The stuff is all stupid, a bunch of cussing or stories with no real punchline. What makes some people think they’re so funny when they’re obviously not?

Dear PS

I don’t know. I’ve heard some alleged “comedians” on stages at local clubs and have wondered what the Hell they were thinking? These guys suck! I can only speculate that those guys are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Dear Rocco,

How do you deal with a business partner that drinks too much. It doesn’t harm our business – at least not yet, but my nerves are fraying when I see him in public representing our business and his speech is slurred. I realize life is not perfect, but if you can’t stay sober or at least act sober in the workplace you need to go get help. What do you think?

Dear HJ

I agree with you, your partner needs to get help before he really fucks up.

Dear Rocco,

So where do you meet Mr .Right? I'm getting so tired of the singles scene here. I'm very frustrated because I'm an attractive, early thirties, educated female, who has difficulty meeting anyone suitable to date. They all seem to be going through a second childhood or grossly immature and ill-mannered. I've got my profile on a couple of online dating sites, but have had a lot of disappointment with that. I go to singles events with friends, clubs after work or on Saturday night, and also go to a lot of parties hosted by friends and acquaintances. Yet, I almost never encounter suitable, AVAILABLE single men. Am I doing something wrong? Where are all the good guys?

Dear CD

I’m not sold on online dating not sure they are the “single persons” answer to finding love. Patience is probably your best friend. Sooner or later you will find the right Mr. Right. You seem to have yourself together meaning you can see through a lot of the bullshit that guys use on women just to get laid. Some women who are searching for the right man are easy prey for guys who are full of shit. You need to keep your eyes open for the bullshit but look for Mr. Right with your heart.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Homeless, Store Bought Boobs and More

Dear Rocco,

I recently ran into a kid whose mom I dated a long time ago when he was a juvenile. He’s now a grown adult and I found out he’s homeless. He told me all about his predicament and told me he was working on getting his life back together. He recently started a new job. He’s been living in the woods for months now. Part of me wants to reach out to him because we were close when I dated his mom, but his mom and I ended on a sour note and I’m not sure if I want any interaction with her again. She’s still around and hasn’t helped him with his situation. While I don’t know exactly what I can do, I’m not sure if I should stay the course and have him come to me if he needs me. I did give him my contact information. What do you think I should do?

Dear BF

Being a good human being is not easy. Everyone falls on hard times. I don’t think you should allow the way you and his mother broke up determine whether or not you help him. If he is trying then I don’t see why you shouldn’t try to help him if you can. The world would be a better place if everyone would help each other a little bit.

Dear Rocco,

One of my buddies is constantly borrowing money from me and other friends to help with his finances when he runs short. Most of the time he pays us back, not always in a timely manner. I just found out he’s paying for his girlfriend to have a boob job. How the hell can he afford that if he’s always begging and borrowing money from others?

Dear RJ

You answered your own question. He has borrowed the money for the boobies. Look on the bright side I’ve never known a girl who got new boobs who didn’t show them off so enjoy the show, you’re paying for it.

Dear Rocco,

I am going to ask you that age old question. How do you convert a friendship into something more? I’ve dated on and off for years with other guys but my best friend, the guy that was always there when it counted, when I had trouble with all the other guys was my best friend Chris. He’s dated others as well, and I’ve always been there for him as well. No matter who I date I never feel as close to the guy as I feel with Chris. Am I stupid for having feelings for him? Will these thoughts pass? Or is it about time I made my move?

Dear SK

I think you should make your move. If you both are there for each other when you need someone that is more than most people have in their “relationships”. Odds are he may be feeling the same about you.

Dear Rocco,

My girlfriend is wonderful, we get along great and have a great relationship with the exception of one thing - her mother. Her mother has made herself be involved in our relationship since day one. She is obsessive, obnoxious, and always in our business. She has my girlfriend trained to answer at her beck and call. When we are out on dates, she deliberately calls, while eating dinner, she calls. She will want to talk for 30 minutes or more each time, she is so obsessed with what we do, that that is her constant question, "where were you, what were you doing? "what were you doing that you couldn’t answer my call?" There is no more us, everything involves her. She knows what we eat every night, watch on TV, when we are exercising, if we have company, if we are just watching a movie, what we do every weekend-- who is there, it is like we have no privacy! She is constantly putting my girlfriend down, saying she is fat, (she weighs like 140 and her mom weighs like 250 so she can't talk!!) and telling her that she should be the most important person in her life, and that she should always be doing stuff with her, and she is her happiness, she has never allowed her to have other friends and is even jealous of her being with her brother, aunt, or anyone. It is not a healthy relationship, and it is driving me to the breaking point. My girlfriend says she is annoyed, but she doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I think she is more scared of her mother. I think I have been patient in this but help... I'm starting to give up! Help!

Dear PW

It sounds like her mother is so miserable she is trying to bring your girlfriend down to her level. Misery loves company. I think you and your girlfriend need to talk to mom and tell her to get her own life and leave you two alone. The bitch needs a hobby a man or a sex toy to keep her occupied and out of your lives. If you aren’t going to talk to her then I suggest turning the phones off when you don’t want to be bothered by her annoying ass. Maybe she will get a clue if you ignore her. If not at least you get some peace.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

St. Paddy's Day, Drunk Troubles, Chunky Love

Dear Rocco,

What have you got planned for St. Patrick’s Day? Wanna join us for a beer? My treat.

Dear EW

Thanks for the invite but I already have plans…I have to work.

Dear Rocco,

Do you think more people drink now than they used to? I remember years ago you never heard much about DUIs or car accidents involving alcohol. Now it seems like half the stories on TV and the news is alcohol related. Why do you think that is?

Dear DF

It could be a couple of reasons. First, there weren’t as many cars on the roads twenty-five or thirty years ago so there were less things to hit. Secondly, I think people are dumber than they used to be and society today has more difficulty coping with upsetting things than earlier generations. I mean today it seems everyone wants to “get in-touch with their feelings” as opposed to the “suck it up it’s life…deal with it” ways of the past. You can go into any bar and see someone gulping down drinks or crying then the same people get into their cars and attempt to drive. I guess MADD has also help spread the news about DUIs. Let’s face it, nothing sucks more than hearing about a child getting killed by some piece of shit who has been drinking then with no regard for human life attempts to drive, instead of using a dd or a cab, and hits someone’s car the child is in or just drives completely over the kid.

Dear Rocco,

I love my wife. We’ve been married two years now and she has been gaining weight at a steady rate for the past six months. She has gone up two dress sizes in the past two months. I love her very much but am finding I am not as sexually attracted to her because of her excess weight and utter disregard of her appearance. I don’t know what has caused the weight gain. How do I suggest to her to lose weight without insulting her? Is there a tactful way of asking her?

Dear BG

If you really love her then her weight shouldn’t really matter but if it bothers you that much maybe you should suggest that you both need to start exercising and changing your diets. You can try the “I want us to get into shape so we can grow old together” excuse.

Dear Rocco,

I am in love with my best friend and he with me. Here’s the kicker: He was recently sentenced to prison for six years. They’ll probably let him out after two or three years. I am wondering if I should wait? He is my baby’s daddy and he loves us both, but he’s going to be locked up for what seems like an eternity. I love him and know he loves me, but I don’t know if I should move on or wait. What do you think?

Dear MH

This is a tough one. On one hand you love your best friend and he loves you and your baby. On the other hand if he is going to prison for six years he is involved with shit that a child doesn’t need to be around. I think at this point you need to do what’s right for your child. I don’t know what he did to go to prison so you will have to make the decision. I only know of one person who changed his life for the better after prison the rest just try to come up with new schemes.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

On and Off Again, Jealous Exes, Weird Initiations

Dear Rocco,

I've been really confused about my current relationship. We have been off and on since our senior year in college (we graduated three years ago). Every time we've been “on” we've been together for months at a time, but this time I really think it's over. Although other times I thought it was over it wasn't, this time is different. I can't live without him, and I don't think we'll be back on again. He has been hanging out with other women a lot lately, and it really bugs me. When I tried to talk to him about it, he started getting defensive saying that nothing's going on. I honestly in my heart believe him, but I also doubt him for some crazy reason. I say I love him, and I really mean it, but I don't think he means it anymore. We’ve been fighting a lot and I can't stop crying. Help me.

Dear LP

Move on. If your relationship has been on again and off again it raises some questions to me. It sounds like he breaks up with to sleep with other women then goes back to you when they kick him to the curb. You can live without him and you’re better off without him. Find another guy, one who puts you first.

Dear Rocco,

I have joined this new group in town. Initiation involved me being asked to do something I feel uncomfortable doing. I've said no, but they called me a coward and jeer until I decided to just do it and make them get off my back. Ever since I haven’t been the same person. Meanwhile my best friend just looked at the floor and did nothing while this was going on. I didn’t want to do the things they wanted me to do. And then afterwards my best friend acted normal and doesn't bring it up. What should I do?

Dear WD

Why anyone would do stupid shit to join a group is beyond me? You are a dumbass for giving in to peer pressure of dipshits. I do not know and don’t want to know what you did to join but it sounds fucked-up. I guess you can try to talk with your friend. See how he coped with whatever fucked-up shit he did to join the group.

Dear Rocco,

I've been with my boyfriend for many years as he’s going through the longest divorce known to man. His soon-to-be ex knows he’s been seeing me and told him she is insanely jealous. She makes my life complete hell by e-mailing him sexual innuendoes, asking him for expensive gifts, and calling him all the time still. I told him he needed to move on from her completely. If he wants to be with me, he has to protect me, be true to me, and make me feel secure our relationship. Many times I told him to get on with this divorce or I would be gone, but it doesn't seem to scare him anymore. How do I get my point across to this man, and do I have any grounds to tell this woman to leave him alone and just tend to her children?

Dear GC

They are his children too. You have to face it he still wants his wife. You need to be the one to move on. If it’s meant to be between you too then it will but it doesn’t look good for you.

Dear Rocco,

I am 31, and a single mother of two. My boyfriend is 46 and has never had kids. We care for and love each other a lot. The problem is he doesn't know what he's ready for, and for that matter neither do I. If it wasn't for my children whom I love dearly we would both be fine without knowing where this relationship is going and finding out along the way. My concern is for my sons having another substitute father in their life besides their birth father. This is the first man I've brought into their life since I split from their dad years ago. I don't know what I'm doing dating while having children. Is there any advice you can give me? I really love this man and want him in my life forever.

Dear LC

At 46 he should know if he is ready for the role of step-father. I like the fact you haven’t brought several guys into the kids lives since the break-up with their father that tells me you are a good mother. I think you need to relax and enjoy your relationship.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

How Much is Too Long? Once A Cheater Always A Cheater? and More

Dear Rocco,

Before Christmas I went to this party with friends and met this cute guy. We started drinking and were having a good time. We left the party to go play poker at a mutual friend’s house. There we started making out. It was great. He would have come back to my place except for the fact we both had somewhere to be early in the morning. I have not seen or heard from him since until this past weekend. We attended the same conference over the weekend. I noticed him staring at me the whole weekend. I tried texting him but he never returned any of my messages. I don’t know what to think.

Dear FD

He could have a girlfriend or a wife. I think it would be in your best interest to move on and find another guy to take your mind off him. There are several guys out there, good guys, who would love to spend some time with you.

Dear Rocco,

How do I know if this guy likes me I really want to know but I’m afraid to ask. Any tips that I can tell if he likes me back?

Dear LP

Tit up and ask him. If the guy spends time with you, calls you or text’s you and does things that he doesn’t want to do but does them for you then he likes you.

Dear Rocco,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend of 10 years. For the most part, it has been a great relationship. I am 37 and he is 42. Whenever I bring up marriage it causes us to argue because we don’t have the same views. He has the old motto if something isn’t broke then don’t try to fix it. He does treat me better than some of my girlfriends’ husbands treat them. He helps me around the house and we are doing well financially. Four months ago I gave birth to our first child. Of course, this has made me want to get married even more. I just feel he doesn’t respect my decision on the union of marriage. I do know things should not change and if they do; minimal changes. My question to you is, do I stick around and hope that maybe one day he would come to his senses and realize marriage isn’t such a bad thing OR do I get out now and stop setting myself up for disappointment? Marriage is that important to me.

Dear GF

I think you need to stick around. You have a child and if things are that great then you should be able to talk to him about your feelings. I think things will work out.

Dear Rocco,

Prior to getting engaged I cheated on my now fiancé a handful of times. I would justify it in my mind by thinking I am young and just sowing my wild oats before I settle down. We got engaged about six months ago and I am totally committed to being in a monogamous relationship for the rest of my life. I have no desire to look elsewhere for love. I want to marry him and be with him the rest of our lives. That being said, what should I do about my past actions? Should I tell him about my past indiscretions or stay quiet and hope nothing of it ever surfaces?

Dear DD

Let’s see should you tell your fiancé you were a Whore who cheated on him? I think you should have a talk with him because sooner or later it will some to the surface and he will be hurt even more than he will be when you tell him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

MILFs and BBWs

Dear Rocco,

I’ve been living with his wonderful guy for about a year. Before we met he was a womanizer and there was a lot of talk about him amongst my circle of gal friends. He has been around the block more than a few times, not that I’m an angel myself, unless you compare him to me. He’s handsome, rich, well-connected and all, but a little self-serving and a majority of the time puts himself first. My friends try to warn me of him, but things have been great. I’m just worried that he’ll go back to his old ways by some of the comments he’s let slip the past couple of weeks. Do you think he’s reformed or am I wasting my time trying to have a serious relationship with this guy?

Dear CS

I think you’re wasting your time. Once a shit always a shit. You said he puts himself first which tells me he is a selfish prick and will dump you as soon as he finds someone who he thinks is better. You need to dump his ass and deflate his ego. If he cares about you he will fight for you.

Dear Rocco,

I am a divorced man who went through a rough divorce with my now ex-wife. Despite that we try to keep things cordial because we have a child. The other week my ex-mother-in-law called and asked me to come over to her house to fix a broke water heater. She is divorced as well and didn’t know who else to call. Well, I went over to the house to help and the ex-mother-in-law was wearing a negligee and reeking of alcohol. She began to touch me inappropriately. Now, I must admit, she’s a still very much a looker and if I hadn’t been married to her daughter I might have considered. I was able to cool her jets long enough to finish the job, but she now calls me a couple of times a week telling me how lonely she is and would love to come over and watch some TV with her. I don’t know what to do here, Rocco. Any suggestions?

Dear AB

Don’t FUCK HER! You really need to talk to your ex-wife about this Hellish problem and probably change your phone number.

Dear Rocco,

I was incapacitated in a car accident a few months ago. While I’ll make a full recovery in about eight months, the time seems to drag by. I’m surviving thanks to my girlfriend. She’s been great. She takes me where I need to go, all my doctor appointments, even to work if I need to. I feel bad because she has rerouted her schedule and sleep patterns just for me. While I feel like the luckiest man alive, I feel guilty and bad that she has done all this without complaining. Why do I feel so bad about this and should I?

Dear GL

You are a little depressed. You feel helpless. You’ll get over it and if you still feel bad after you recover you can spoil her for awhile.

Dear Rocco,

Why does God hate me? I am a plus-sized woman and have been all my life. I’m always the third wheel or the friend who needs a date out of the group. Self-esteem has been low my whole life. That was until I met Roger. Roger treated me like a queen. Flowers, chocolates, love note and incredible sex. Things were going so well I started dropping a lifetime of fat. Well, Roger took me out for what was to be a romantic dinner. Where does he take me? To a Chinese buffet. He says he wants to fatten me back up because and I quote, “I love ‘em big.” Oh Rocco, I’m devastated. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so bad.

Dear JD

A guy should love you for you not your bodyweight. It sounds like you found a chubby-chaser and that could be a problem for you since you’re losing weight. Look at the bright side you’re losing weight and your self-esteem is getting better so if this isn’t the guy then you have a better chance of finding Mr. Right.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Feet, Betrayal & Ghosts

Dear Rocco,

I’m a never married single girl in her 30s and have been involved with a wonderful man for the past three years. We get along great, have the same sense of humor. The only problem is his work takes him out of town a lot. Well, the planets aligned the other month and we were able to take an extended vacation together. The first week went great, like something out of a romance novel. About a day or two later I noticed a change. He seemed to be getting distant and not into what we were doing as much. After the vacation he went out of town again when I got the call. He called upset and started to cry – something I have never seen him do. He then told me he no longer had the same feelings for me the way I have for him. He says he can’t explain it and that there is no one else involved but he thought it would be best that we no longer see each other. It’s been weeks now and I haven’t heard a word from him. I don’t know what to do, Rocco. I miss him and still love him. Why do you think he did this? Do you think he has been lying to me and was seeing someone on the side? Why do men do things like this?

Dear FW

Women do this too and I don’t know if he is seeing someone else though I doubt it. Have you looked at it like this, maybe he loves you but isn’t in-love with you? You may have felt a spark during your vacation together but he didn’t and he didn’t want to lead you on. Then again, we guys are stupid with relationships he may have felt something that scared the shit out of him. Give him some time if he doesn’t come back then move on with your life.

Dear Rocco,

My girlfriend loves to sing karaoke. I’m not a big fan of it. She can’t sing. In fact, she can’t carry a tune in a bucket. The baked beans campfire scene from Blazing Saddles is much more harmonious than her singing “Love Shack”. Outside of that everything is great including the sex. How can I wean her off of karaoke and save everyone’s ears?

Dear WS

Karaoke is for people who cannot sing but enjoy it just for the fun of singing. If you love her and everything else is great then humor her. Relationships are give and take and in this case you should take one for the team.

Dear Rocco,

I feel betrayed. I have or should say had a longtime friend who has split company with me over business. Over the years I have helped him out with his business listening to his suggestions, offering advice and so on and so forth. I’ve even loaned him money (which he did pay back). I recently got into an altercation with a mutual friend of ours over a bunch of nonsense. This person has not known each other as long as my friend and I have. Not only did my friend take the other person’s side, but told me I was no longer welcome to do business with him. I feel betrayed. The ordeal was a big misunderstanding and he’s making a federal case of it. I’m hurt and quite frankly angered and don’t know what to think. Any sage advice?

Dear VK

Fuck him and this high school bullshit. If your friend can’t see this is petty shit then you’re better off without him besides if this guy will start shit with you then he’ll start it with him. It’s just a matter of time.

Dear Rocco,

Do you believe in ghosts? I’m not sure if I do. People into paranormal like to say that activity takes place where a traumatic events happened (murder, etc.). If that was so, why would their spirit come back there? I try to not go back to someplace where I’ve had a bad time – especially if it killed me.

Dear JR

I do believe in ghosts. I think if someone killed me then I think I would like to come back and haunt the mother fucker(s) who got me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Bob Corker and Hell Freezing Over

Dear Rocco,

Why is my relationship on the rocks already? I started dating my boyfriend about two weeks ago and everything has already gone stale. When we first hooked up we would talk and text multiple times a day. He would tell me two or three times a day that he loved me. Now I’m having a hard time getting him to talk to me. We still talk maybe once or twice a day, but when I talk to him he says he’s really busy and I can hear him playing music really loud in the background. I asked him if something was wrong and he says everything is fine. Am I being childish? He’s not saying much now. I hate for things to end this way. I don’t know what I could have said to make him mad or anything. What should I do?

Dear KP

Maybe the guy is as asshole, he got what he wanted and he is ready to move on. You’re blaming yourself for something that takes two to do. I think you should maybe think about moving on to someone who wants to talk to you.

Dear Rocco,

Do you think hell will freeze over and if so when? There’s this super-hot chick I like who looks like something out of a magazine whom I’ve been hitting on. When I asked her out she told me, “Sure as soon as hell freezes over”. So when do you think that will be?

Dear WC

You’re a fucking idiot.

Dear Rocco,

Was it me or did it seem like it took forever for the streets to get cleared after the snow this weekend? My street was never salted or plowed and it is a main route for the local fire station.

Dear DD

Chattanooga isn’t really set up to deal with snow and ice. I’m not surprised that a main route for a fire station wasn’t cleared sometimes common sense and government planning do not go together.

Dear Rocco,

There have been rumors floating around that former mayor and current congressman Bob Corker may run for President. Do you think he has any chance at all?

Dear RL

Not a chance in Hell. Corker is a local politician not a national crook, I mean politician. I don’t think he has done anything to get his name known throughout the country.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheating Spouses, Ignorance & Biker Chicks

Dear Rocco,

I’m a friend with this married couple. Hell, they are legally married but sort of live separate lives. I’ve seen him out at night carousing with other women and more than one have told me about her affair with him. She, on the other had is nice on the surface but a money-grubbing bitch. While they love each other they are no longer in love. They have some investments together and their debt is one of the few things holding them together (dividing up the property). Ever since she has gotten more involved with their business holdings they’ve seemed to tank and he seems to refuse to do anything about it. He just stays out later at night and she goes shopping. While I don’t think either one of them is a bad person alone, together they are bad and just a drag to associate with. What do you foresee happening with this situation?

Dear TR

Their marriage and business are doomed.

Dear Rocco,

Is ignorance bliss? I’m in love with this girl who is one of my best friends. It’s obvious to everyone around us about my feelings – except her. She says she loves me all the time, calls me up at all times of day and night, but goes out with other guys from time to time. I’m afraid if I approach her she will turn me down and ruin what we have now. I need to know when or if there is a good time to tell her my true feelings for her.

Dear DT

I think you should tell her how you feel. Take your time, I mean don’t ask her to marry you just be honest with her and see where it goes from there. At the very least it may improve your friendship benefits package.

Dear Rocco,

I am your normal everyday kind of guy. I come from a good Christian moral background. Despite that being said I do enjoy going out for a beer every now and then with friends. One of those nights I hit it off with the bartender who was quite a looker. I hung out with her a couple of times and she ended up asking me out. We went out for a nice dinner and movie and ended up sleeping together. A few of my friends found out and a few people that know her from her work have told me she tends to sleep around. We’ve hung out a few times since but nothing on a regular basis. Sleeping with her was out of the ordinary for me as I usually take things slow, as I’ve only had maybe three relationships of any length in my life. Some people I’ve heard put her down for being easy and a whore. While I don’t know anything about her past and don’t know if it’s really any of my business. I do kind of like this girl. Should I let her loose morals get in the way or should I stick to going out with “good girls”?

Dear BC

Who gives a shit what other’s think? If you like her then go with that feeling. Everyone has a past and yes some are a little spicier than others but it’s also their past. If she makes you happy and you make her happy then fuck everyone else’s opinion.

Dear Rocco,

Why are women attracted to bad boys? I’m a successful businessman with my own business a large house, nice cars and even a boat. She’s very attractive and is underemployed or looking for work all the time it seems. Any guy that saddles up to her in motorcycle leather and she’s hopping on the back of his bike. She and I have gone out a number of times and always have a good time, but she feels uncomfortable with my money and doesn’t like to hang out at nicer places that I usually frequent. I have to either go to a dive bar with her or some other place with questionable clientele. She’ll put down these bad boys, yet I see them always turning her head. What’s the deal?

Dear LH

She’s stupid. That may be a little harsh so let me ease it a little. Some women like low life loser types because they are afraid of a nice successful guy dumping them. I mean let’s face it, it is easier to get over someone who wasn’t really that great to begin with than it is to get over someone who you think is perfect.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two-timing Girlfriends, Creepy Dudes and More

Dear Rocco,

I kicked my two-timing girlfriend to the curb after I caught her sleeping around with a couple of guys. She blames it all on her chemical dependency. Since then she’s gone to rehab and has come out. I think I still love her Rocco, and thought about asking her out again, but I don’t know if she will because I was pretty verbally abusive when I broke it off with her (and deservedly so). Do you think I have a chance or should I move on?

Dear PW

I don’t know. If you really love her then give her another chance. People under the influence of drugs and alcohol do some pretty fucked up things. If she starts will that bullshit again then kick her to the curb and never look back.

Dear Rocco,

There’s this guy I’ve known since school that hangs out by the mall where I work. While I’ve always been cordial to him, I have no interest in him. He’s been coming by more and more and tries to chat it up with me. I know he doesn’t work at the mall but he seems to stop by on a regular basis. Is he just plain creepy or do you think he’s got a thing for me?

Dear BF

He probably likes you. As long as he seems to chat it up with you and not stare at the children at the play area he may be okay. Sometimes it takes guys a while to get the courage up to ask a girl out. I wouldn’t worry too much besides there is mall security and always a cop or two hanging around Victoria’s Secret.

Dear Rocco,

I'm having a self-esteem/confidence problem. Recently, a girlfriend of two years who I was getting closer with just dropped me like a rock through a text message. I'm single again, but it's more than that. I have yet to be in a real relationship, I'm very uncomfortable talking to women in public I’m not familiar with (and it's obvious to everyone), I have like this aura around me that tells people I'm single, and seems to tell girls that my confidence isn't good and I'm uninteresting. So my question for you is how can I really improve my self-esteem and confidence? I know its something you can Google, or read in a book, but I feel I need your help.

Dear DC

Stop thinking about it. When you think about not doing something you tend to do it more. Relax and go with the flow.

Dear Rocco,

I have been seeing this guy for a while. While we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend but we spend an inordinate amount of time together. We’ve fooled around a little bit but have not kissed, as odd as it may sound. We’re both very young and he says he’s afraid of becoming too emotionally attached before we’re really ready. I’m about to bust at the seams. What’s up with this? I’m about to explode!

Dear GL

Honey, grab that boy by the head and tongue the Hell out of him and the rest will come naturally.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dead Friends, Deadbeats and Supermodels

Dear Rocco,

I found out through Facebook that my best friend died. I live a few states away now but kept in touch regularly. I knew he was having some problems and was having surgery, but when I went online I saw someone posted an R.I.P. about them. I then did a Google search and indeed found out he was dead. I called the family livid. Here I am best friends with the deceased and I find out about their death through Facebook. They weren’t too happy with my call initially – I guess they were still in shock about the whole thing. I still can’t believe I wasn’t contacted about his death.

Dear JK

Get your head out of your ass. You actually called your best friend’s family and bitched at them when they are still grieving? Dumbass! When a family member dies unexpectedly usually the family has other things on their minds. Most are overwhelmed. So they didn’t contact you. Do they have your number? You live a few states away and they probably didn’t go through his e-mail or Facebook. I hate Facebook. It’s not as personable as a call or a visit. Too many people use it as their primary form of communication with friends and family. Get over being mad at the family they’re dealing with some painful shit.

Dear Rocco,

Tom Brady hasn’t been the same since he hooked up with that Victoria’s Secret supermodel. Tom Terrific has become Tom the Bomb as he looked horrible against the Ravens Sunday, and really off his game since losing the Super Bowl a couple of years ago. I think he’s got something else on his mind. What do you think?

Dear BE

Hell, I would too if I was hooked up with a supermodel. Shit mans got to take advantage while he can.

Dear Rocco,

I can’t look myself in the mirror. I borrowed a large sum of money from one of my best friends who helped me out of a financial bind and I haven’t paid him back yet. We’re going on years now, and I haven’t paid a dime. I want to, but things always get in the way of me making a payment. He hasn’t said anything to me about it, but I can tell when we speak he’s not really happy. Why is it that I don’t make any attempt to pay him back? I’m buying stuff for my girlfriend all the time and even paid for us to go on vacation last year and helped her finance her car she recently bought. But still, despite spending all that money I have yet to make an effort to pay him back. What’s wrong with me? I feel like such an ass! Help!

Dear RK

You are a dumbass but there is hope because you realize this already. Try to rework your finances. If you’re like so many Americans other than big business who the government bailed out then you might need to consult a bankruptcy attorney and formulate a payment plan. Stop taking vacations and work your ass off.

Dear Rocco,

I used to date a guy that is not a very nice guy. He even got into legal trouble with some business dealings I found out about after we broke up. It’s been years since I have even seen the guy and I can’t seem to get rid of him. My friends still bring his name up and when I went to apply for a job, the employer heard who my ex was and did not hire me specifically because of our past relations. What do I have to do to get this guy out of my life? Everybody wants to relive ancient history and not let me turn the page. Help me.

Dear AT

First of all it sounds like you need to be more careful choosing a boyfriend. Secondly you may have to work out-of-town until you establish a solid work reputation and avoid that piece of shit like the plague. Good luck it won’t be easy. It sounds like your ex is a real piece of work.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The 30-Year-Old Virgin, STDs and More

Dear Rocco,

Is it weird that I’m 30 and have never had a girlfriend? I’ve had my fair share of female friends and all that stuff but have never been in a relationship with any of them. I’m not gay or anything like that either, I like girls but I’ve never gotten around to getting into a relationship. Most of my friends have girlfriends, some more serious than others. I even have a friend or two that is married. I don’t think having a girlfriend is all that important. What do you think?

Dear LD

I agree with you. It sounds like you’re independent and there is nothing wrong with that. As long as you’re not a social outcast I think you’ll be okay.

Dear Rocco,

I’ve started seeing this girl recently. She is a great girl. I really like her better than most I’ve gone out with. I, myself have a little bit of a shaky past. I’ve gotten an STD or two in the day, but now have a clean bill of health. Not that it has come up, I know she’s a “good girl” and wonder if I should tell her I’ve had an STD even though I’m clean now and get myself tested regularly?

Dear SJ

If you’re in a true relationship then you should be honest with her because let’s face it Chattanooga is a small town and she will find out sooner or later. If the news comes from you then it will be easier for her to handle.

Dear Rocco,

I need a little help here. I met the man of my dreams, but as usual I let my dumb ways sabotage the relationship. He was a prince. He always remembered little “anniversaries”, randomly would send flowers, leave me notes, etc. I screwed it up by treating him like my other boyfriends who always treated me like crap. For an unexplained reason I started to see someone else on the side. Once this was discovered the man of my dreams went away without much of a fight. I soon realized I actually love this guy and he’s been nothing but genuine, honest and loving towards me. When I tried to call him, he refused to take my call. I’ve only gotten him to answer one of my calls since and even then he was short with me. I know I screwed up. How can I get my man back? Help!

Dear MS

It’s going to take time. He was good to you. Honest and caring to you while you were a whore. That’s not easy for anyone to get over whether a man or a woman. It sounds like you really need to grow up and apologize to him and do some serious ass kissing and hope he really cares about you and you might have a chance.

Dear Rocco,

I was recently married. My fairytale wedding was ruined by my bride’s drunk father. We never really got along and tried to be sociable. Well, at our wedding he had a radio in his ear to listen to the football game while the wedding was in progress (he gave away the bride), and then proceeded to get drunk and start a fight with me. He took a swing at me at the reception and when I ducked, his wife was standing behind me and he hit her in the mouth, bloodying her lip. Things went downhill from there until he finally passed out. I put him in our rented limo and told the driver to take him far away from us and got my wife and I a taxi back to our hotel room. I have yet to talk to my new father-in-law and am not looking forward to doing so. My wife and I are now back from our honeymoon and she wants me to talk things out with this jerk. I love my wife but I hate her dad. Am I screwed?

Dear JB

Lol fairytale wedding! Look pussy that wedding sounded hilarious. Stop whining about it and look at it from a man’s point of view. Weddings are usually boring. Yours had a fight and apparently a lot of booze. Your father in-law took a swing at you and hit his wife, think of the shit he took and is still taking for that brilliant action. What have you got to lose by talking with him? Hell if it were me I couldn’t wait to talk with him to give him even more shit. Like him or not he is family and you’re stuck with him so you might as well try to burry the hatchet.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Resolutions and other crap

Dear Rocco,

I recently went out with my current girlfriend to a concert. While we were there a couple of guys nodded, winked and even made a few gestures towards her. While she played it off hoping I didn’t notice I saw she was getting a little annoyed. There were quite a few that night, actually. I know that she had only one, maybe two boyfriends before me. Do you thinks she was turning tricks for a living before she started dating me?

Dear MK

Are you fucking serious? I doubt it. Most guys are fucking morons. That’s why they were with other guys and didn’t have dates of their own. Everyone has a past if she makes you happy and you make her happy then fuck what those guys said and did. They were the ones jerkin off later.

Dear Rocco,

This is a strange town. It seems like all the white guys are afraid of black guys or try to appease them. And the black guys seem to prey on that as well it looks like. Am I missing something? Is it like that everywhere else or just here? Why can’t people be people and accept who we each are?

Dear JR

The media plays a huge role in how people are perceived. If there was no fear in the world then the news would be even more boring than it is now.

Dear Rocco,

What are your New Year’s resolutions and did you uphold any from last year?

Dear DD

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions and never have because I haven’t heard of anyone who actually completed the ones they made.

Dear Rocco,

Do you think Texas has a chance to beat Alabama for the National Championship and why or why not?

Dear HC

I think any team can beat any team anytime. I think it will be a good game. Emotions in college football play a huge factor and can cripple an excellent team. Remember the Tennessee Alabama game this year? Tennessee should’ve won the game. The same team who got the shit kicked out of them by UCLA almost upset the number 1 team in the country.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Christmas Cheer & Losing that Loving Feeling

Dear Rocco,

What is wrong with the world? It doesn’t feel like Christmas this year. Every place I’ve been to there has been minimal Christmas decorations. I even heard an ad on the radio advertising for Valentine’s Day already and Christmas is still a few days away. Of course before Halloween I saw advertising for Christmas. What the heck is going on around here?

Dear MT

The world is all fucked up. Big business got a bailout but the average Joe can’t afford to buy presents for his loved ones this year so I guess the corporate shits have decided to start on Valentine’s Day a little earlier.

Dear Rocco,

I know my husbands loves me but it really hurts when he jokes about other women with his buddies in front of me… We don’t spend as much time together like we used to. He goes is to work in the morning, and when he gets home, he walk straight in to the garage to play with his car. Am I nuts for not feeling loved anymore?

Dear SW

Sometimes we men are a little stupid. Men and women are different. Sometimes we don’t think about our wives or girlfriends wanting to spend time with us. I know I’m guilty of avoiding my girlfriend if I’ve had a bad day for a little while because I don’t want her to think I’m upset with her. You may be overreacting a little by being upset about him joking with his buddies about other women because no guy will make fun of a girl who is in any way similar to his wife or girlfriend. Talk to him. Maybe he wants to spend more time with you but doesn’t want to feel like he is smothering you and thinks you need a little time to yourself.

Dear Rocco,

Dear GR

How fucking old are you? Here is some advise for you to follow; first grow up, stop living your life in World of Warcraft find a girl and for the love of God GET LAID.

Dear Rocco,

My friends tell my I suck at playing poker because I don’t have a “poker face”. I tend to sweat and scratch a little usually when the going get tough and they say I’m an easy read. Any suggestions to improve my poker game?

Dear JL

Hell I don’t know before the next game take a lasic and use some lotion.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

P-whipped & the Gyno

Dear Rocco,

My brother is figuratively whipped by is wife. She constantly brow beats him and accuses him of doing stuff he’s not. He follows her around like a loyal lap dog. When he’s alone with us, he’s a total ass and tyrant screaming idiot. When I tell him to standup to his wife he dismisses me and says everything is fine. But that doesn’t explain his odd mood swings when he’s with us guys. Any thoughts?

Dear KD

It sounds like he is taking out his frustrations caused by his wife on you guys. Just about every guy has a girl who drives him completely fucking crazy but for some strange reason he cannot tell her. It is one of those mysteries of the universe. The only thing I can tell you is that sooner or later he will snap on her ass and your friend will probably be single and back to normal again.

Dear Rocco,

I have only had one sex partner — my current boyfriend of 5 years. After my latest gynaecologist visit I got horrible news — I have gonorrhoea! My boyfriend swears that he is fine and that he has been faithful to me. However, he also refuses to have himself tested as he says he feels fine… Do you think my boyfriend gave me the gonorrhoea?

Dear HM

Let me think, if you haven’t fucked anyone else then yes he gave it to you. This isn’t a really hard question to answer.

Dear Rocco,

I always get drunk at New Year’s Eve parties and do things that are out of character. In 2005 I even got pregnant by some guy and had an abortion. At another party a year ago I ended up in a Jacuzzi and did some really disgusting things that ended up on YouTube thanks to a camera phone (but luckily they were nice enough to remove it or I would have lost my job). Please tell me how to find a safe New Years Eve party?

Dear TR

Don’t be a dumbass. Celebrate with real friends and pace yourself. Don’t get completely shit-faced and do stupid shit. In short, act like an adult instead of a stupid kid.

Dear Rocco,

If I don’t to something, I’m asked to do it… When I do something right away or on my own accord, I’m asked to do something else in addition to what I just did. I’m the only doing anything at my company. What’s the point of doing something right away or on my own? I mean: I have to do even more!

Dear EC

Sounds like you need to change jobs. The economy is shit but start sending out resumes and get away from that fucked up company before it goes into the toilet.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Honesty and Crazy Kids

Dear Rocco,

Is honesty always the best policy? Whenever I tell my girlfriend my honest opinion it seems to get me in hot water. I’ve been told by many I am brutally honest and a lot of people appreciate me for it. But my girlfriend seems to take things in the wrong way when she asks for my “honest opinion”. Am I better off telling her what she wants to hear or telling the truth despite the obvious consequences?

Dear KM

I’m the same way. All I can say is you have to be yourself. It’s not easy to be honest sometimes the truth hurts. If you really care about your girlfriend then you have to be honest with her but you can try to sugar coat it a little.

Dear Rocco,

What’s wrong with my daughter? She’s a great girl. She made straight A’s through highs school but once she got out she’s been crazy. She quit college less than a year in, works only sporadically. Now she owes for all her college loans and wants to borrow money from me to pay them off. She doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t drink, but does have a number of idiots for friends. When I asked her what she spent the loan money on she just stares at me blankly. What’s wrong with this girl? Help!

Dear BG

She is at that age where she thinks she knows it all but in reality she is just another dumbass kid. Talk to her make, try to make her understand education is extremely important today and for her future. It sounds like she needs to grow up. Life goes by quickly before she realizes it she will be 30 and wonder where the time went.

Dear Rocco,

I met this great girl. We met online. Then we started talking on the phone. We talked for hours on end for weeks. We finally met and we hit it off greatly. Things seemed to be moving very swiftly. Then all of a sudden she stopped returning my calls. I got a token call here and then, then nothing at all. Curiosity got the best of me and I went down to see one of her friends. Her friend seemed surprised to see me. She told me that this girl who I had been spending so much time with met someone else and got married – all within a matter of a month. What’s up with that Rocco?

Dear MW

That’s fucked up. Have you heard the old saying, “he who hesitates, masturbates?”

Dear Rocco,

I met a really great guy who had been dating another girl for a couple of weeks. He broke up with her basically for me. He is a really good hearted guy. He feels really bad about breaking her heart, so he tells her they can still be friends. Well, she is obsessed with him. She calls his phone all the time and just drops by his house. Here is the twist. I went out with one of her ex's before and she blamed me for that break up. When she found out he was talking to me she threatened both of us saying it would be in both of our interest not to be talking to me. I asked him if I should just step out to give him time to resolve everything and he said no for the fear of loosing me. Please help me? I just want her to go away!

Dear BD

Broken hearts take time to heal and in today’s world I think people have a tougher time getting over things than they did 20 years ago. I mean this girl is pissed because her boyfriend, who was cheating on her with you, broke up with her. She should be happy that his ass is gone and you should be careful with him because if he cheated on her he will cheat on you. In my opinion you should dump his ass and call his ex and help each other get over his cheating ass.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanksgivng Plans & Flashing Neighbors

Dear Rocco,

It’s Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for this year?

Dear GP

This has been a very tough year for me personally in all honesty I can’t really think of anything to be thankful for this year. I guess the only thing that comes to mind is I haven’t blown my fucking brains out yet.

Dear Rocco,

One of my favorite sitcoms, now seen in reruns, was 'Married With Children.’ Did you ever see the show during its 10-year run? If so, what advice would you have given to Al, Peg, and the kids?

Dear AB

I watched it and still do with a friend who also has trouble sleeping. They are so fucked up I don’t think any advice I would give would work for them.

Dear Rocco,

I was invited to spend Thanksgiving with my girlfriend and her family. Should I bring a gift or dessert or something? What would be an appropriate gift?

Dear HC

Yes take a dessert of some kind. I don’t know her family so a gift would be a little difficult to choose but hey, on Thanksgiving you can’t go wrong with food.

Dear Rocco,

I run a child care business from my home and am most disturbed by my next door neighbor who sunbathes in her back yard with nothing on but a skimpy bikini. There is really not much room in between our houses and parents of children have even mentioned it. I am embarrassed to say anything because it is her property. Who am I to ask that she is more modest around all of these children and parents?

Dear EP

How about being a responsible adult? Just talk to her. Maybe she doesn’t realize how good of a view the children and their parents have of her and would appreciate the heads up.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Crazy Ex's and Deadbeat Friends

Dear Rocco,

I broke up with my ex almost a year ago. We broke up because her friends did not approve of me even though we got along famously. While the initial split was bad we have remained friends. She’s dating someone else now but comes over every now and then looking for sex, which I have succumbed to. She says her relationship with her current boyfriend is not that good even though I see them out from time to time and they look happy. My trouble now is keeping our conversation going. I really don’t have much to say to her any more since we no longer spend that much time together. What do we talk about now they she’s my ex? I’m not sure what to say to her any more. Any suggestions?

Dear DA

It appears she doesn’t come to you for meaningful conversation just dick. If it’s not working for you why not ask if you can spend a little more time with her? Watch a movie, TV or grab a bite to eat anything that can spark a conversation.

Dear Rocco,

I recently went to visit my ex just on a lark. It was great to see him. He said he was glad to see me and even asked me to have dinner with him again. When we broke up he was the one to break it off. He said he was tired of the way he thought I was treating him and he deserved better treatment. I was crushed. He quit returning phone calls and after a couple of weeks I quit calling him. No contact over the summer and I finally decided to call him just to see if he hated me. It was great to hear his voice. He invited me over. I went. We had a very pleasant conversation. He told me he wasn’t dating anyone nor has he seen anyone since me. He always was the quiet type. My question is this. Do I forget about the past and try to pursue him again? We’ve only met that one time and he did call me once to say how nice it was to hear from me again. What should I do? Do you think he only wants to be friends? Should I just forget him? Help!

Dear KM

I think you need to keep your eyes open. Either you were treating him bad or he thought he could do “better” or both were his reason(s) for breaking up with you now you have to find out which one it was. I would try the friend thing first and see how he behaves before I would pursue a romance with him again.

Dear Rocco,

I have a married friend despite their marital status does not work. Neither does the spouse for that matter. Despite all that it has gotten difficult to give then any kind of gift. I give them CDs or DVDs and they sell them at McKay’s or some place like that for gas or food money. If I get them anything nice, I’ll locate a pawn ticket on their coffee table. It kind of pisses me off. I even brought them some groceries one time and they traded some of the staples that I brought for beer from a neighbor. I’m about fed up with them. Should I write them off? All in all they are good people but are financially irresponsible and expect my tax dollar to take care of their needs. Any suggestions?

Dear TB

Stop buying them shit. Force them to grow up and support themselves. I mean I know what it’s like to buy someone a nice gift and they give it away. It fucking sucks! You feel like an ass. Just cut them off. You can still be their friend but you don’t have to support them.

Dear Rocco,

Do you think Tim Tebow will win the Heisman Trophy? If not, who do you think should?

Dear SM

Tebow is a Hell of a player and no doubt the only reason Florida is still undefeated but there are a lot of great players out there deserving of the award. The Heisman Trophy is awarded to the best overall player in the country who is the main reason for success to a program on and off the field so with the caliber of athletes in the SEC and the national stage that Florida competes on I would vote for Tebow. I like a quarterback who isn’t afraid to take a hit or deliver one.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Psychos, Closets and Flying

Dear Rocco,

Why do women send so many mixed signals. I’m either in the penthouse or the outhouse with my girlfriend – usually over nothing. I fee like I’m walking n eggshells at times. Do you think she is bi-polar or crazy or something like that?

Dear MP

From my experiences they’re all crazy to a degree. I have been bitched out for shit that I had no idea what she was talking about then come to find out I wasn’t the one she was mad at I just happened to be there when she exploded. All you can do is try talking with her to see what is really chapping her ass the next time she jumps your shit.

Dear Rocco,

Experts say flying is so much safer than driving. Do you really believe that? I don’t know of many who have survived a plane crash, while people wreck their cars every day many times not getting hurt. What do you think?

Dear EY

I think it is safer than driving but when you do have an accident it’s a major f**king event. Fender benders at 35,000 feet are a bitch.

Dear Rocco,

I have a vexing problem. I just found out my girlfriend’s adult daughter is gay. No big deal. I don’t care myself, but I found out by accident and my girlfriend has no idea yet. I was working late one night and went to get a bite to eat at a local tavern. While seated in a booth my girlfriend’s daughter came in hand-in-hand with another girl. They sat at the bar together. While there they started kissing pretty passionately. My server saw me take notice and she said they were in there all the time. After I finished I left without the daughter seeing me. When I asked my girlfriend what the daughter was up to, she just said hanging out with friends. What should I do in this situation? Ignore it? Tell my girlfriend? Talk to the daughter and ask her and see if she needs to tell her mom something? I could use a little advice here.

Dear FH

This is probably the only time I will advise you NOT to do a damn thing, unless approached by the daughter for help with breaking the news to mom. I think that’s something that the daughter should discuss with mom when she is ready.

Dear Rocco,

I went out with this guy all last year and we fell in love. But things started going bad and we split up. So now I’m with this other guy who I like a lot but I still love the other guy. We talked the other day and he said he’d always love me. I don't mind not dating him but I don't want to be in a relationship while I love someone else. What should I do?

Dear DM

If you’re not going to be with the one you love then you can love the one you’re with or be alone until you’re ready to move on with your life. The decision has to be made by you. I mean no one can tell you who to love.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Fat Chicks and Deadbeats

Dear Rocco,

When is a wife too fat? My husband is always complaining about my weight. I admit it, I have put on a little bit in the last ten years but I’m not the only one around here who has. My doctor says my weight is fine. I’m 5′8 and 147 lbs. (35 years old and two kids). Is that fat? Sure, there is some fullness here and there, but have no desire to be a supermodel.

Dear SC

You are not fat. It sounds like your husband is just an asshole. Please feel free to tell him I said to shut the fuck up and take a look at himself before he criticizes you.

Dear Rocco,

I have a deadbeat friend I loaned a large sum of money a few years ago to get out of a financial bind. He never made any effort to pay me back yet I see him jetting off on vacations with his girlfriend and riding a new motorcycle. I finally read him the riot act and he called me an asshole. When I said I wanted my money. He just mumbled and left me hanging. We’ve been friends for a long time but I’m sick and tired of him doing nothing about the situation other than spending money foolish in front of me. I’m not sure if he’ll read this but I’m ready to contact a lawyer and be done completely with the situation. Any thoughts?

Dear RN

Times are tough it your friend probably used credit cards to pay for trips and credit for the bike. He probably doesn’t have a pot to piss in as far as cash is concerned. I don’t know what to tell you because I’m in a similar situation. I don’t want to fuck the guy over but I need my money as well. If you think of anything let me know.

Dear Rocco,

This girl I’m interested in finally gave me her number. She asked me to text her but I don’t know what to say I know very little bit about her as we take separate courses. Can you give me some ideas what to text to her about?

Dear JM

How about: hey how are you doing? You hungry? Want to grab a bite to eat? A drink? Movie?

Dear Rocco,

Hi, my dilemma is this, I've been friends with Martha for a couple of years, and grew really close to her over the summer, she has been seeing someone though not serious, anyways I've told her how I felt for her, she seemed to feel the same way also then I found out she had spent the night at this guys house, I became very upset and left her a rather un-flattering note on her doorstep, displaying my disappointment in her. It's been a over a month now and I haven't heard from her, even though I've tried to apologize to her, even have sent her flowers and stuff, but no response! Should I keep trying or just count my losses?

Dear LP

Probably just chalk it up to a loss. Maybe after a few months or years she will forgive you and be ready to talk.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Virgins, Jailbait, Pet Names & More

Dear Rocco,

I am a 25-year –old virgin. I’ve only come close to getting laid a handful of times. I recently started hanging out with this girl whom I like a lot. We’ve made out a lot but haven’t done the deed yet. That looks to be coming really soon. I am both excited and scared to death. I know she’s not a virgin (no big deal to me), but she has no idea that I am. I’m afraid she will mock my inexperience when it comes down to getting down to business. Do you think I should hire an escort and get it over with and gain a little experience before we sleep together?

Dear PC

Why waste your money, just go to a bar or club and pick up a good bar whore and save your money.

Dear Rocco,

I am a 20-year-old male and I like to hang out at the mall and check out the women. I’ll get to talking with a couple and them find out they’re jailbait – a total waste of my time. Is there any way from telling the jailbait apart from the real women?

Dear BH

Not in today’s world. The only way to be safe is to ID them and that isn’t a guarantee.

Dear Rocco,

I am ticked at my boyfriend and was wondering if you thought I was overreacting. Whenever we’re together he calls me by a “pet name”. I love this and it makes me feel special. When I went over to his family’s house for a visit he called one of his sisters by the same pet name! I was furious. I thought that was MY pet name. He told me I was overreacting when I said something about it. I don’t want to share a term of endearment with someone’s sister. Don’t you think it’s odd that he would use a pet name with his sister? Or am I just overreacting? Please help.

Dear MK

Hell yes it’s odd. If he uses it during sex you won’t be sure if he is thinking of you or his sister. You have yourself a real freak.

Dear Rocco,

What is your opinion of maintaining contact with an ex? My husband still keeps in touch with ex-lovers, sending birthday cards and Christmas greetings. Granted a few of them live out of town and I believe he would never cheat on me. But I wonder if he’s sending the wrong message to them? Or do I really need to worry? Any suggestions?

Dear EW

He may keep in touch with them just in case. Maybe you should keep in touch with a few of your ex-lovers just to see what he thinks about it. If it’s just innocent then it won’t bother him but if he may have other intensions he may be pissed and then you can agree to cut off your pen-pals if he does the same.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Pickup Lines, Cheating Boyfriends & More

Dear Rocco,

There is this girl where I work that I’ve grown quite fond of. How can I compliment her without coming across too obvious in case she’s not interested? I don’t want to jeopardize our current status but would also like to see if I might have a chance with her.

Dear KT

Hooking up with a coworker is dangerous. If it works out then great but more often than not it ends up bad. Be careful but if you want to take a chance with her take your time. Try being friends with her and see if she feels the same about you.

Dear Rocco,

Can you tell from pickup lines who are nice guys or not? My girlfriends say that they can tell right away if a guy is nice or not. Is this really true? I need to talk to the guy for a little while before making up my mind… Is this normal?

Dear BC

Yes it’s normal. How many times have you heard one of your friends say a guy was so nice starting out then became a dick after awhile? Some real pieces of shit have some great pickup lines and can bullshit women. It takes time to really get to know a person.

Dear Rocco,

My girlfriend and I have been together off and on for six years. We recently got back together, but she has given me an ultimatum. I have until the end of the year to get myself together the way she wants. I must have a descent car, an apartment, and a full-time job by that time or else she’s going to leave me for good. In a way, I see where she's coming from. I'm not trying to make excuses, but there are a lot of things in my life that may prevent me from reaching this goal. I feel like she’s put me in a situation where anyway I look at it, I can't win. I was just wondering what I should do about this?

Dear WB

Either she is a materialistic bitch or you’re an immature slug who thinks it’s cool to be a slacker. You need to get your shit together or find a girl who likes you for who you really are and not what you have.

Dear Rocco,

One day I saw an offline message to my boyfriend from another woman. I became suspicious that he might be seeing with other women, so I gained access to his email. I read an email from yet another woman stating how much she missed him and asking why he is ignoring her after the time they spent together. I confronted him and told him how I found out. He has not offered an explanation for the email, and he has made my accessing of his e-mail account the center point of why we are separated. He says he hasn't cheated and wouldn't. Up until I saw that message, I never had any reason to suspect he possibly may be cheating. How should I handle this situation?

Dear CS

Honestly, you don’t trust him so you need to move on. In order to have a successful relationship you have to have trust. From the information you gave me I don’t know if he is cheating or not but if he is I can tell you he will NEVER change. A lot of men and women think their shit doesn’t stink and exploit the Hell out of their girlfriends and boyfriends. I’ve seen several people who know and even caught their boyfriends and girlfriends cheating and believed some of the Goddamnedess stories that I’ve ever heard from their boy/girlfriends and after a little time they resume their cheating ways. Whatever you do, do NOT give up your common sense.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Sex, Deadbeats and Loser Girlfriends

Dear Rocco,

How do I get my new girlfriend to have sex? We have been dating for seven weeks and she is it yet to get naked. I have been working her like crazy but do not see any signs of my girlfriend changing her mind. And to top it off she is not a virgin! My ex-girlfriend was easy, all I needed to do was ask. I’ve thought about calling her again. Any ideas?

Dear DV

If you care about this girl do not call your ex just to get laid. Be a little romantic do things that she will enjoy maybe even plan a little get-away for the weekend. Women like sex too so if this doesn’t work maybe you need to re-evaluate your game.

Dear Rocco,

Do you think our society is set up to cater to losers? It seems that our government pays people not to work and does not hold them accountable for their own upkeep at times and imposes a penalty (taxes) to finance that fiasco. It seems like you have to be filthy stinking rich to beat the system and succeed financially.

Dear BG

I agree society is all fucked up. We give huge bailouts to companies and give checks to pieces of shit who have the ability but refuse to work and shit on the working class. Sometimes I think God should just wipe us out and start over for our own good.

Dear Rocco,

I work in the restaurant business. I met this wonderful guy, unlike anyone I ever met. He’s successful, good business, well groomed and well-mannered. Me, I’ve been told I was attractive, but I’ve only worked at bars and small restaurants. I barely finished high school. In fact people at school made fun of me for being poor. Since that time I’ve always had a hard time being comfortable with anyone with money. I don’t feel comfortable with that crowd. After being asked out a number of times by this guy I finally agreed. I had a blast. He treats me like royalty. No problem, except my friends don’t like him because he’s not one of us. I kind of agree with them. This class war usually starts up when I initiate it and although he tries to diffuse it I keep pushing the issue. Now he no longer returns my phone calls. Were my friends right about him or did I push him away? Why did I do it?

Dear ST

Get your head out of your ass. If you’re a good person then you are good enough for him. Talk to him in person. Be honest with him. Tell him you really like him but feel uncomfortable and insecure with your imagined social status differences. Fuck your friends. Most restaurant and bar people are fucked up anyway and hate those who have made something of their lives. Don’t get me wrong I know several bar and restaurant people and they are great and very professional. I’m talking about the drunks and drug addicts who refuse to give the outside professional world a chance. You like this guy so you should give yourself a chance with him.

Dear Rocco,

I have been chatting both online and on the telephone for two months with this dude. We have spent hours discussing many important life issues: personal feelings, emotions, and general life topics. We are both divorced and neither are looking for a relationship now. We do plan to meet each other but no date has been set yet. We sometimes have problems. He sometimes thinks I am falling in love with him. He has always made a point of letting me know he does not want a relationship. I have also explained that I am not looking for any type of relationship either. I enjoy our conversations and hope to continue. He has become a very good friend. Could he be having feelings for me and is just afraid to actually let me know the true feelings he has developed? Could you please help me to decide why he is so open with me and why I am so open with him ? Do you think we are both be afraid of the feelings we are having for each other?

Dear MP

You both like each other and you both have been hurt in the past so you both have trust issues. You both need to get over the trust issues and take a chance on each other.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Halloween Pranks and Online Dating

Dear Rocco,

I have tried on-line dating sites. Being a woman… it’s often free, so I’m not out any money. I have made some new friends, and had some great times and dined in amazing restaurants. Despite all of this I still haven’t found my soul mate. I think my main problem is, I can’t sort out the bad ads from the good ones, and I end up wasting valuable time on “losers”. How do I figure out bad dating ads from good ones? Am I pathetically desperate?

‘

Dear CW

In all honesty I have no idea. I’ve never used online dating, Hell I’ve never even picked up women on Myspace or Facebook. If you’re looking for a soul mate online maybe the answer to your question can be found online as well.

Dear Rocco,

Halloween is just around the corner. I want to pull off a good prank this year. Any suggestions of what might be a good prank to pull without ending up in jail? Also, what are you going to dress up as this year in case I have a chance to see you out?

Dear JC

I can’t think of any good pranks that you could do that wouldn’t risk jail and I’m 35 I don’t dress up for Halloween.

Dear Rocco,

I have season tickets to the Predators. I’m a big hockey fan. I can’t seem to ever get anyone to go to a game with me. Why don’t people down south seem to like hockey so much? Hell, it’s an Olympic sport!

Dear JB

Probably because the weather in the south isn’t geared toward ice skating and people in the south grow up doing other activities. I mean there are and have been youth hockey leagues in the north for years and people grow-up loving the game. I like hockey but I don’t know the rules of the game but I’ll admit I’ve turned down tickets to Predators games for years.

Dear Rocco,

My boyfriend is a professional who is working with a group of men on a lucrative, long-term project. The men held their first meeting at a local, well-known chain which features waitresses not burdened with an excess of clothes. I don’t like the idea of him working in such surroundings and have asked him whether he could change the location of subsequent meetings. It seems disrespectful to our relationship for him to be in those surroundings. We had an argument about it. What more should I say about this issue? Am I insecure?

Dear PW

Yes you’re insecure. Give him a little credit, he is your boyfriend for a reason. Guys see beautiful women wearing next to nothing just about everywhere so you getting upset over a waitress dressed like a cheap whore is a little ridiculous. I think you need to realize how great you are and remember he cares about you not an almost naked girl bringing him food.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

True Love, Death & Marriage

Dear Rocco,

I have been dating my current boyfriend for a number of years. He has told me that he will propose to me when our relationship is solid and secure. I’m still waiting for this to happen… Many of my girlfriends are already married, and a few of them have children. I want this too — I’m ready to take it to the next level but he’s dragging his feet. What does a solid and secure relationship mean?

Dear SV

Beat’s the Hell out of me. The only thing I can say on this is don’t pressure him. Marriage shouldn’t be forced on anyone it doesn’t work.

Dear Rocco,

My brother was killed in a car accident when he lost control of his car and hit a guardrail. My parents like every grieving parent put one of those makeshift crosses where the accident happened. I drive down that road every day. Every day I’m reminded of my brother’s death when I go through that curve. I’m tired of reliving my brother’s death every time I drive. I love my brother but wonder if he would be better served if there wasn’t one of those makeshift crosses there. I hear people talk amongst themselves about some of these crosses being a little overboard. If there was a little cross for every death on the road there probably wouldn’t be enough room for the road. And to be honest, my brother was a careless driver. I miss him but isn’t there a more appropriate way to honor him than with a popsicle stick cross on the side of the road?

Dear PA

Sorry to hear about your brother and I agree with you that the roads would be cluttered with crosses for everyone who was killed in car accidents but it helps some people with the grieving process. Maybe you should talk with your parents about a more fitting memorial for your brother than a cross but remember there is no greater pain for a parent than losing a child no matter their age.

Dear Rocco,

What signs should I be looking for in a cheating husband? My boyfriend has been acting strange lately. Odd phone calls in the evening and his mood swings are completely irrational. Something is definitely going on. My girlfriends all agree — he is cheating on me!

Dear NB

If he isn’t trying to have sex with you as much as he used to is a good sign. I think you should just come out and ask him if there is someone else. Odds are whether he is or isn’t he will lie but you should be able to get a better idea because let’s face it if you’ve been in a relationship with someone you can tell if they are lying or not.

Dear Rocco,

Will I ever get married? I am in my late 30s and have never been married. I’ve only had two truly serious relationships in my life. When I start dating someone I really like and they find out that I’ve never married at my age they say I’ve been single too long and soon go off and start dating someone else. Rocco, I do want to get married but not because I’m supposed to. Do I have an expiration date on me r something? Am I too picky? Maybe I have been single too long. What do you think?

Dear DQ

Relax. When the time is right and you find someone special you will get married. Don’t rush into a marriage just because you think there is a “now or never” age. Be patient and it will come to you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Drunk Girlfriends, Swine Flu and More

Dear Rocco,

My girlfriend’s a drunk. She’s the life of the party. She looks great, dresses top-notch, people are always glad to see her, she makes good money, but I think she drinks too much. Whenever we go out she’s got to have a drink be it sneaking in a bottle to a movie or doing shots at a concert. Her refrigerator looks like a frat guy’s with only a handful of frozen TV dinners and the rest glorified mixers and designer water. While it doesn’t affect her work (she never misses a day nor is she late), or her health ( she goes for a checkup every couple of months), I worry about the long term issues involved with her social drinking. Should I be concerned or should I chill out and not be such a prude?

Dear HJ

You need to have a long talk with her before this gets out of hand. There is a point when a person has to grow up and decide whether to be an adult or a drunk. Several times the “life of the party” usually has a pretty shitty life and sooner or later the alcohol will take a toll on her health and looks. She has to be the one who wants to change all you can do is be there for her.

Dear Rocco,

My boyfriend and I have been dating since high school and we are both 24 now. I have always thought I would marry him after we get our degrees, work for a couple of years, buy a house, and have lots of kids. I’m not that sure any more… as I’m lacking in trust when it comes to my boyfriend. He has cheated on me a couple of times over the years, most recently a few weeks ago with a friend of mine. As the previous times — he cried and apologized… and I forgave him (again). I do love him even though I don’t think I can trust him any more. It seems that once we build up the trust — he wrecks it again. Any advice?

Dear SD

Yeah dump his ass and move on. Look pieces of shit like that do not change. He thinks he can control you because he got you to forgive him the other times so he keeps doing it. You need to find a new guy who will not treat you like shit. They are out there.

Dear Rocco,

An acquaintance of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend. To say she’s hot is an understatement. Here’s my dilemma. I would like to go out with her. I’m good friends with the guy’s brother and when I said something about it he told me she should be considered off limits. If they are broken up (not my doing), why is he and his brother getting so territorial? Who knows if I’ll like her? But if you saw her Rocco, you’d understand my infatuation. What do you think I should do?

Dear RY

If you’re just looking to bang a hot chick then I wouldn’t risk a friendship. I may be wrong but that’s all it sounds like to me. If you really like the girl as a person and think there could be a future then talk with your friend. If it were me I would pass on her. It sounds like there is some unfinished business between her and your friend’s brother.

Dear Rocco,

Why do they call it swine flu when you don’t catch it by eating pork?

Dear EW

I have no idea maybe it’s called that to make you feel even more like shit when you catch it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Deadbeats, Hypocondriacs & the Such

Dear Rocco,

I have a friend who is constantly sick. They were in constant pain and every time a new ailment would hit the news they would see the doctor to see if they were afflicted. It has gotten tot the point that they lost their job for too many sick days. While doctors say there is something wrong, they can’t figure out what it is. Since losing their job they have been able to get on disability. When I come over to their house they are always on the computer blogging and surfing the web. The job they were too ill to hold was a desk job – pretty much doing the same thing only getting paid to do it. I feel like I’m being ripped off because my tax dollars are being spent so my friend can sit at home and surf Facebook and MySpace all day and play all these silly interactive games. Yet they are too ill to sit in an office and answer a phone? I think I’m getting screwed, man.

Dear AM

I agree. I can’t stand those lazy, sorry sacks of shit who won’t work but do the same shit for fun that they would do if the had jobs. This country has turned to shit. Everyone just wants a check without having to earn it. Sometimes I think we would be better off if our government would fall like the Roman Empire did that would eliminate a lot of the deadbeats who live off the government checks. Weed out the worthless, so to speak.

Dear Rocco,

My girlfriend has a preoccupation with stray animals. Our apartment looks like a zoo. We spend the majority of our money on pet food, vet visits and cleaning and replacing property her furry friends tear up. Whenever I protest her bringing in a new pet (we have over a dozen now), she starts to cry and says I don’t love her and how can I be do mean? I obviously give in. She even refers to the pets as our children. Her pet fetish has already caused us to be evicted from our last two homes. How do I get her to understand she needs to quit adding to our zoo? Oh yeah, I also have to do all the cleaning up after them – not her.

Dear RN

You need to have a long talk with her. Make her understand she needs to take more responsibility for the care of the animals. You also need to stress that unless you guys have a home with a big yard it can be cruel to have so many animals in such a small place.

Dear Rocco,

My boyfriend will always choose a steak dinner or a pork chop over vegetables, tofu and fruit. I love him to death but I’m also a vegetarian… I don’t feel comfortable with him eating meat any more – red meat especially, when I’m around. I used to love hamburgers and hotdogs, but they are not good for you, and I don’t believe that humans should eat the spirits of other animals! Should I break up with him because he eats meat?

Dear MM

If you break up with him because he eats meat then you are a nut. What the Hell are you talking about? Eating the spirits of animals? What kind of shit is that? You don’t eat their spirits, you eat their steaks. If God didn’t want us to eat them then he wouldn’t have made them so tasty.

Dear Rocco,

I have a relatively minor problem, but given how frequently it eats at me, I’ve decided it’s time to address it. I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now. I met him online, of all stupid things, in the Strictly Platonic section of Craigslist because I was new to the area and wanted somebody to hang out with. This is relevant because he didn’t know what I looked like when we started e-mailing, and we were friends for about four months before any sort of romance emerged. This guy and I get along famously. We have a similar sense of warped humor, and damn it, we have fun together. The problem is that before anything romantic happened between us, he told me he didn’t like blonde girls, or redheads either, for that matter, and that he was really only attracted to brunettes — dark brunettes, with dark brown hair and matching dark features. Do I have dark hair? No. I have strawberry blonde hair and light green eyes. My hair color has never been an area of distress in my assessment of my appearance. In fact, I haven’t really ever had any hang-ups about the way I look, at least until this guy rolled around. He claims now that it doesn’t matter, and yet, when he’s talking about a girl he thinks is good-looking, or thought was good-looking in the past or whatever, the issue of how dark her hair was always seems to come up in the same way that a normal guy might mention a woman’s legs. I find myself staring at my stupid light hair in the mirror, once rather content with its warm California glow and they way it looked as though it was on fire when the sun hit it. Now all I see is that it’s not brown — even its underbelly, and even when I squint. I know this isn’t his fault. But I guess my question is: How much does a physical ideal matter? Does everyone have one, and if so, how often do the people you wind up with actually fit it? I should mention that until relatively recently, he was in an extremely long-term relationship with a girl who matched his “ideal” to a T. But he broke up with her. Then again, he’s also mentioned he’s mildly attracted to his cousin. What the hell is going on?

Dear CW

Don’t worry about hair color. In an adult relationship, a real relationship, looks shouldn’t matter. I mean let’s be honest over time hair changes color and looks fade a little but if you love the person that usually doesn’t change.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Birthday Blues & Other Nonsense

Dear Rocco,

I don’t think my woman loves me any more… I like her still but she expects me to have a hot bath every night and shave my armpits and crotch. I have never shaved my armpits or any other unusual places, in the 4 years we have been living together! Unfortunately, it’s not a new sex fetish either! She expects me to do it even when she is out of town… Bathing is not my thing and I used to shower like normal people (before heading in to work, in the morning). Shall I continue having hot baths and shave more just to keep her happy?

Dear KY

If you like showers then take them. How the Hell is she going to know what you do when she’s out of town? If it turns her on for you to shave then do it. She probably does things for you that she hasn’t before but you didn’t tell me about. Relationships are a give and take thing.

Dear Rocco,

Last night I discovered my 17-year-old son brought a girl to stay the night. To say the least it was unexpected and I don't think I was expected to find out. I found out when I woke up around 4:30 in the morning and went to have a glass of water and found an extra pair of shoes at the door. I entered my son's room to find a young girl of maybe 16 in his bed. I didn't say anything (I think shock set in for a while) and said to him aloud that I wasn't really sure what to say but would talk with him later on. I didn't kick her out. I had to leave later that morning and my son worked at night so I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet. After thinking about it I've decided that it's not something I'm comfortable with and plan on telling him I don't wish for it to happen again. I also plan on reminding him that he comes from a long line of successful impregnators so he would be wise to keep protection handy. I'm a fairly liberal parent and give plenty of leeway to my children. I'm a single father as well. My son is an A student who holds down two jobs, and he is going into grade 12 this fall. He's easygoing, ambitious and intelligent. I've never minded him having girlfriends. I expect he will respect my wishes and not bring her again overnight. Is there something else I should say to him?

I think you should remind him that if he gets her pregnant then he can forget college and will have to work at least three jobs to pay for a baby. You may want to also point out that the girl has a father who may not be as liberal as you when he finds out his little girl is sleeping over with a boy.

Dear Rocco,

I have a relatively minor problem, but given how frequently it eats at me, I've decided it's time to address it. I've been dating this guy for a few months now. I met him online, of all stupid things, in the Strictly Platonic section of Craigslist because I was new to the area and wanted somebody to hang out with. This is relevant because he didn't know what I looked like when we started e-mailing, and we were friends for about four months before any sort of romance emerged. This guy and I get along famously. We have a similar sense of warped humor, and damn it, we have fun together. The problem is that before anything romantic happened between us, he told me he didn't like blonde girls, or redheads either, for that matter, and that he was really only attracted to brunettes -- dark brunettes, with dark brown hair and matching dark features. Do I have dark hair? No. I have strawberry blonde hair and light green eyes. My hair color has never been an area of distress in my assessment of my appearance. In fact, I haven't really ever had any hang-ups about the way I look, at least until this guy rolled around. He claims now that it doesn't matter, and yet, when he's talking about a girl he thinks is good-looking, or thought was good-looking in the past or whatever, the issue of how dark her hair was always seems to come up in the same way that a normal guy might mention a woman's legs. I find myself staring at my stupid light hair in the mirror, once rather content with its warm California glow and they way it looked as though it was on fire when the sun hit it. Now all I see is that it's not brown -- even its underbelly, and even when I squint. I know this isn't his fault. But I guess my question is: How much does a physical ideal matter? Does everyone have one, and if so, how often do the people you wind up with actually fit it? I should mention that until relatively recently, he was in an extremely long-term relationship with a girl who matched his "ideal" to a T. But he broke up with her. Then again, he's also mentioned he's mildly attracted to his cousin. What the hell is going on?

Dear CW

Dear Rocco,

Why do women insist on playing games? The battle of the sexes seems to go on forever. I’ve done everything for my girl. I am the ideal boyfriend. Her friends and family even tell her that. But do I get any respect? No. She is constantly out with others. She’ll call when she’s out of money or needs a ride if she’s had too much to drink. It’s the old story that we get along great when we’re together, but once we get around her friends she becomes another person – and ironically they side with me. My friends tell me I’m an idiot for. I’ve even caught her out socializing with other guys. She then gets mad at me for spying on her and not trusting her. She even one time called me a stalker. I don’t know what to do or how much longer I should put up with her. I know she’s young and wants to sow some wild oats (I’m a little older), but I’m tired of my feelings being trampled while I’m left to literally pick her off the floor at times. What should I do?

Dear WR

You need to have a talk with her about this shit. Tell her it’s time to grow up because you can’t stand by and watch her drown in a bottle. If she has a drinking problem then offer to get her help but if she gives you shit then you have to cut her loose. Move on to someone who is more mature and will respect you and appreciates that you care for them.

Dear Rocco,

Well another birthday has come and gone and no one once again remembered. Not sure how to react any more. I’m the one that remembers anniversaries, birthdays, and other important dates, but no one remembers my birthday. My “best friend” will always start advertising her birthday weeks in advance, reminding me and hinting on what she’s like as a gift or where she would like to go eat on her special day. Yet she never remembers mine. One time we did go out on my birthday nothing was said until I was carded at a bar and the bartender wished me a happy birthday, to which she replied, “Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?” Is it my responsibility to tell everyone it’s my birthday? I’m not an attention whore, but I know everyone else’s birthday (within a week) and will always at least wish them a happy birthday. It’s not that I want free gifts, drink etc., just a little respect. Do you think I’m a whiny bitch or what?

Dear DR

This is a hard question for me because while it sounds you want people to remember your birthday I’m the opposite. I don’t celebrate my birthday and haven’t for so many years I can’t remember when the last time I did. Some people enjoy their birthdays and love to hear acknowledgements from their friends and that’s fine and normal but personally that’s not me. I don’t get it but that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with celebrating or at least wanting a “happy birthday” from friends.