Too Shy, Shy

Dear Rocco,
I met a guy at work who I like. We started to get to know each other after I initiated my interest in him. The feeling soon turned mutual. We flirted constantly, and he complimented me often. A week later I found out that he has a girlfriend. I confronted him about it. He said that he felt bad and that his feelings took over. We are still close, and he still flirts with me. What should I do? Should I pursue a relationship with him?
VB

Dear VB,
There’s an old saying – don’t crap where you eat. I actually use the “s” word, but I digress. Very rarely does it work out dating a co-worker. That is why a lot of companies have such a policy – and yes, it is often broken. There are specific reasons for this. Often work takes a backseat to non-business activities. That being said; where is your heart? Flirting can be innocent fun, help kill time and help deal with the redundancy of work and help kill time. You can form a strong alliance that helps you both excel in work. You probably have heard of the term – “work husband” and work wife”. It seems like you want more than he does and depending on how far your flirting has gone, you need to think if he is acting away with you knowing he has a girlfriend, that if you are the girlfriend how would you feel if he acted towards other women the way he acts towards you now?

Dear Rocco,
I’ve tried to flirt with boys but I’m very shy and I can’t make eye contact with them unless they talk to me first. Can you tell me how to begin a conversation with boys?
RJ

Dear RJ,
You’re not ready for a boyfriend. Whether you realize it or not, most relationships are controlled by the female except in rare circumstances. You’re obviously not ready and to be honest it may be a good thing. Get a puppy. It’s like having a boyfriend. If you can feed it, show it affection and clean up after it and not have it run away or die on you, then you might be ready for a boyfriend. Don’t rush it; there is more to being in a relationship than not being lonely or intimate activity. Love yourself first and then everyone else will – and you will have a lot to choose from. And when you do – choose wisely.

Dear Rocco,
I have a friend, Peter, who has a girlfriend who hates me. She has harassed me to the extent that I had to obtain a restraining order from the courts. My friend is now telling me that our friendship should be unconditional. I disagree with him. I told him that if he was in a fight with his girlfriend and ended up in the hospital at 3:00 a.m., I would come to hospital if he called. I then asked, if I got into an accident and the hospital called him at 3:00 a.m., would he come to the hospital. His answer was no. He still says our friendship is unconditional. How can this be if it is only unconditional towards him and not me?
PL

Dear PL,
I have news for you – your friend is not your friend, he’s only a friendly acquaintance. The girlfriend is only expressing things your so-called friend has either relayed to her or has implied. You need to figure out why you are friends or what bonded you together in the first place. A true friend will be there when no one else will be there – even family. Truth be told, you may never find a real friend. You can find a variety of people to fill the void you may feel at times but always remember to take someone else’s feelings into consideration. You already know how it feels right now. Surround yourself with good people with similar or complimentary interests and always remember in every relationship – friendship or relationship that life is a two-way street everything should not just benefit one of you.

Dear Rocco,
I am engaged to a man who cannot use the word love. It is beginning to really bother me. He doesn’t use with his own family and won’t even sign a card to me saying “Love, John.” He assures me that he does have these feeling for me. I know I should feel more secure. I have tried to accept this but it is becoming more difficult.
PB

Dear PN,
I know everyone wants to hear those words. I don’t know his backstory, but believe it or not he has said he’s loved you in many ways – especially if you are engaged. Sometimes the words are hard to say due to something not related to you has happened in his life, or perhaps never experienced the words until he met you. His actions speak much louder than words. I have friends that throw around the word like they are throwing around a football. Little things – silly things you overlook like making sure you’re not hungry or thirsty, has you text him when you get home to make sure you get home safe or remembering an important date like a birthday – even if it’s just a greeting are ways of showing love and/or respect. Showing you respect is an act of love in the most platonic way. The fact you are always on his mind (why else would you be getting married?) shows me he loves you. Don’t worry at some point the word will come and when it does it will mean a whole lot more to you at that point than it does now.

Rocco is a common sense, tell-it-like-it-is, no-nonsense kind of guy offering real advice on any subject put before him. Why pay thousands of dollars on a high-priced therapist when he’ll straighten you out for free. If you’d like advice from Rocco e-mail him at goaskrocco@yahoo.com.